Sarah Jefferson lay in bed, restless. She was in her pajamas. She was a nice looking girl. Dark eyes and hair, pale golden skin. Really beautiful. She looked good and knew it. She was an honor student at her college. Her parents made a good living. Her father owned a chain of restaurants and her mother was a lawyer. Sarah herself was a model and she had a good reputation. She had it all. Money. Fame. Looks. She could have anything she wanted except the one thing she wanted the most.
It was the only one thing that she really she wanted. For years she had wanted it. She had stalked the object of her desire and when confronted, fled. She had urges she could not control. Shameful urges that could destroy her. At night she often lay there, crying. At school there was a world of beautiful people and other people. She could have anyone. But the one she wanted was unattainable.
"Oh, God," she cried. "Why are you doing this to me? Why can't I have the one I want?"
Surely the good lord would not allow one of his better children to go on wanting. Even if what she desired was shameful and amoral. Surely. Or would He? Ever since she became aware of her sexuality, Sarah knew she was different. Guys left her cold, for one thing. So did girls. She felt cursed. Everywhere she went she maintained an air of calm, confidence and discipline. She fooled everyone. Except herself.
She woke up and decided to go to school. She had to tell somebody, or she would explode. She went to talk to Johnson, one of her friends. He was a nice guy, tall and lean and blond. He was also an intellectual. Sarah knew him well. Johnson was in Junior Army League at school. An odd place for a closeted bisexual to be. Ever since he told her his secret, they'd become each other's confidantes. Johnson had a huge crush on Ken Muniz, a black guy at school. Muniz was a basketball player whom most girls found hot.
"So, what's bothering you?" Johnson said.
The young soldier looked at her with those blue eyes that made most girls melt. But not Sarah. She knew him too well. He liked to go around. He told her how he once slept with two Chinese actors, a male and a female. He did both of them at the same time! Johnson did some wild stuff. Sarah looked around to make sure they were alone. They were in the cafeteria but in a secluded spot. Almost nobody nearby.
"Well," Sarah said. "You better sit down for this." Johnson readied himself. "Well, I like someone," said Sarah. "Does that someone have a name?" asked Johnson.
"No," Sarah said, instantly scared. No one can know! They talked for a few minutes. About Johnson. Then there was some commotion in the cafeteria.
A young college freshman stood on a table, he was laughing and throwing stuff at people. He was goofing off and laughing as pizzas and meatballs were flung at him by his friends. Some people were cheering him, others were just staring at his display of immaturity. He didn't care, for he was just a guy being a guy, not caring for political correctness. "Ah-ha, you can't get me!" said the young man proudly. "Bunch of losers!"
Just then a girl dressed all in black pulled on his leg and he fell. Sarah leapt to her feet. "Luther!" she said.
The boy got back up. He laughed and went back to his table. He didn't seem worried about falling, nor did he seem to care that the whole cafeteria seemed to be laughing at him. "Hey, Heather," he said to the girl in black.
"Luther, you weirdo!" said Heather. " Is there anything you can't do?"
"Luther, are you okay?" said Sarah.
"Yeah, sister!" yelled Luther. He went back to eating what was left of his food. Sarah got back to her table where Johnson waited. There was a deep frown on her usually happy, beautiful face.
"Sarah, we are friends," he said. "We should be okay with each other. So who is it?" Sarah looked in Luther's direction and lowered her eyes. Johnson followed her gaze and it took him a moment to understand. "Oh, God!" Johnson said. "No!" Sarah's face went bright pink. She buried her face in her hands and quietly sobbed. Gently, Johnson took her hands away from her face and made her look him in the eye.
"How long have you felt this way?" asked Johnson. The guy looked like he needed a cigarette or something. Sarah didn't blame him. What she had just sprung on him was definitely not easy to swallow.
"This is strange. Uh, two years," said Sarah. "I can't help the way I feel. I want him so bad."
"Is that way you won't date anyone?" said Johnson. " There are plenty of hot people of both sexes at school, babe. You can have anyone."
"Yes," said Sarah. " There are plenty of cute guys at school and some of the girls hit on me all the time but nobody lights my fire. The only one who does is my kid brother and I hate myself for it."
Johnson grimaced and crossed his arms. "Wow, I would have thought you hated Luther."