I slightly remember opening my eyes and wondering where I was, I was in a big white bed, I was as stiff as a board and I was finding it difficult to move.
Where am I? I thought, then I saw my mother in a chair near me and she was sleeping, I couldn't understand what was happening. Why was she sleeping there in a strange chair, in a strange room? I realised I was hurting all over, the pain was seeping into my joints, my arms and legs, my chest hurt, my head felt like it was ready to explode.
"Mum," I croaked, nothing, "mum," I tried to say a bit louder, she stirred I waited for her to waken. I didn't have the strength to call her again. She opened her eyes and I saw the haggard look on her normally beautiful face, she even looked like she had lost weight.
She peered at me without moving, I thought I must be dead and in heaven or somewhere, I couldn't move, I wanted her to hug me and tell me I was alright, that whatever it was that was wrong with me would go away. I was her little boy again, wanting mummy to kiss me better.
She suddenly stood up and cried out in joy, anguish delight, fear what ever it was I didn't know. She dashed to my side, kissed me and began to cry, huge tears fell down her face.
"Oh baby you're awake, oh darling darling darling, Oh James I'm so happy, oh I don't believe it, it's a miracle, my baby is alive, he's alive!"
She hugged me as best as she could, I still wasn't aware I was full of tubes and things, I was paralysed. Mum cried out, "nur5se, nurse, nurse, he's awake oh my god my baby's awake. Then she fell into the chair and cried like a hurt child.
The next thing I knew a nurse was hovering over me, doing things, touching things, then she went to my weeping mother and hugged her.
"He's going to be alright Jessica; he's going to be alright?" I was completely baffled by what was going on. Then she shot out of the room and returned about 1 second later with what looked like three doctors. I was looking at them as they talked and nattered in what sounded like gobbledegook to me. Mum was stood with them hanging on to one of the doctors arms and talking to him.
"Please doctor; tell me he is fine, he's recovering, oh please?" Her voice was cracked with hurt and pain.
"Well he has regained consciousness Mrs Tweddle, so that's a very good and positive sign, but we need to monitor him closely over the next day or so and see where we go, now please Mrs Tweddle you've been in that chair for 12 days, please go and rest before we have to admit you too."
Twelve days? She's been in that chair for 12 days, what the hell has happened to me? I thought. I tried to speak but he stopped me.
"James you are very ill, so ill in fact we were beginning to lose some hope. Just rest, sleep and when you reawaken we'll talk okay?" I felt a small prick in my arm and the lights went out.
When I did open my eyes the first thing I saw was my smiling weeping mother.
"Mum," I croaked, "what's happened, why am I in hospital, what's wrong with me?"
She broke down again, and I waited for her to catch her breath, and in between sobs she told me why I was here.
"You were sent on a boot camp in the jungle by the courts James, don't you remember? And you picked up some sort of viral bug that has almost killed you, you have been in a coma for the last 12 days, no one could find out just what it was, but you collapsed at home shortly after you got back and here you are."
I couldn't remember a thing it was all blank to me.
"Why was I sent away by the courts mum, did I do something bad?"
"The judge said it was your last chance saloon; if this didn't work then it would be a long prison term the next time."
I was horrified, "what was I, what did I do mum? I can't think."
"Drugs and robbery James, you are or were in deep trouble and I was powerless to stop it, you wouldn't listen to me or anyone else, just your friends, if that's what you can call them, not one of them has even called to ask after you."
This can't be me, I thought, I'm not like that I'm sure. "Mum I don't understand, I don't recognise the me you are talking about."
The doctor came back then and I was carted off for tests and x rays, scans, ECGS, blood tests, all sorts of things. When I was back I was exhausted, mum was there, I just fell asleep again, and she was still there when I woke up. I had no idea even what day it was, nothing.
I felt better this time, they had taken the tubes out of me and I realised I was hungry, I told my mum, and she passed that on and in minutes I was trying to drink some liquid through a tube, or straw. My lips were cracked, my throat parched, I was beginning to understand I was in a mess.
But I was recovering in leaps and bounds and 5 days after I came round, mum was allowed to take me home.
I have never loved or needed my mother more than I did at this time, I worshipped her, the very ground she walked on. I always had but never like this. My dad I knew, had left us 5 years ago and we never saw him again, not that I wanted to. The pain and suffering he put my mother through was gut wrenching, now I just hated the bastard.
Gradually my memory was coming back, I was remembering in clouds what I had been up to, and the more it came back, the more I hated myself. How could I have possibly put my mother through all that. It was then I vowed to change my ways, no more James the cowardly bully, drug dealing, stealing, robbery thug. It was gone from my life forever.
What ever had happened to me it was a life changer, of that there was no doubt. I had been due back in court right after I got back from the boot camp, but because I was like I was the judge ordered my welfare to be first priority. And a new date would be set.
This was an opportunity to use on my behalf. My first task was to convince my mother I wasn't the boy who had gone away about 6 or 7 weeks ago. She was easy because she loved me, but there was doubt in her eyes, I could see that. The first chance I had to prove myself came about a week after I got home. Jon Bradshaw came to see me, I could tell he wasn't really interested in me personally. He ran the gang I was in. He wanted to know when I was coming back to 'work' he told me I was missed badly.
He looked a bit funny when I told him I would never ever go back to 'work' with or for him. It was no more, and I told him never to come near me again. I am going to make something of my life Jon. Just go away I told him. He left but said to call him when I was feeling better, his cocky attitude made me want to thump him, but I was still a bit unsteady.
My mother had been listening outside my door and came in when he left. I looked at her and said.
"Well mum, what do you think, please mum try and trust me?" She jumped at me and held me tight, this is all I would ever need in my life, the safety of my mothers arms. I was home!
The following day I asked her to ring Mr Porter, he is/was my former form teacher because I had already been excluded from school depending on a review. I wanted him to visit me if he would, I doubted if that would happen because I had got him up against a wall and threatened him severely. I heard my mother begging him, and he agreed. He had told my mother that he knew I had it in me to succeed if I would only apply myself.
He came that night and was very guarded, I was in bed resting, after some pleasantries. He asked me what I wanted to see him about.