'Your place or mine?'
I heard him, but I feigned that I didn't.
He moved in close, resting his hand on my thigh and whispered in my ear, 'Your place or mine?'
I didn't respond, I was in shock.
He whispered again.
'There are other places. We could go out to the parking lot. My car has a large second seat. Or, there are rooms we can rent here or just go to a hotel. I know one that I think you will really like.'
I didn't respond again. I was not expecting this, it was beyond my expectations for the night. But it was something I fantasized about. But I can't, I really can't.
He continued whispering.
'The parking is lot not my preference, too risky. It would be a last resort, for a sampler of sorts, just to show what I could do for you and what you can do for me.'
Oh god, this is too much. Too real. I need to run out of here. I am scared, yes, I am scared.
I whimpered like a puppy dog afraid of the thunder.
'Are you OK Liam?'
Was he talking to me? Oh, I gave him my last name.
'No, I am not. I shouldn't be here. It was a mistake.'
'Liam, was it something I said? Was I too forward? After a couple of hours of conversation and drinks, I thought we had hit it off. I thought you were interested in the next step, you know...'
'No it's not you. It's me.'
He removed his hand and leaned back in his chair, thinking, looking at me. I couldn't look him in the eye. I am scared and embarrassed.
The bartender came up to us.
'Ready for another round?'
'Liam?'
'Yes please.'
I need another drink like a I need a hole in the head. Why don't I just leave?
'Remember when you asked why there was a female bartender in this gay bar? I had an inkling this was the first time you were here. You would have known Crystal is a shemale. Remember, I told you she had the biggest dick in this place? You looked excited like you never have met a shemale before at least not Crystal.'
I was excited, a fucking shemale! A real fucking shemale, not one on my two dimensional iPad screen.
'Liam, here is what I think. I think you are straight. You came here to look but not touch. Something you could bring home and take your right or left hand to masturbate about what you could have had but didn't want more than that.'
I whimpered again. Can't stop it.
'Then I made it real. It is too much, you don't really want it. It's like going to a strip club, watch the girls, put some dollar bills in their g-strings, a lap dance and maybe even a private dance. Look but don't touch. Am I right Liam?'
I blurted out, 'Jackson, I am happily married. I have a gorgeous wife and four beautiful children all college graduates with huge career aspirations. I have a successful business valued at multi-millions. I have no idea why I am here.'
He took my hand gently. Warm and reassuring.
'I know why Liam.'
I gave him a look, communicating to tell me.
He picked up on it.
'My guess, you are in a sexless marriage. missing the passion both of you had when you sired four children. You have turned to porn, hiding your identity on any site you joined. You started looking at straight porn but became numb to its benefits. You tried shemale and stuck with it until it didn't turn you on - de-sensitized. You hesitated to try gay. You pretended to yourself to stumble across it, maybe at first a bi-sexual video. You moved on to pure gay. It re-kindled the excitement and you stuck with it, occasionally trying straight and shemale porn, sometimes working.'
''You might have tried sex with one of your daughters or maybe both. You thought about your sons, but you didn't try.
He paused.
'Yes?' he said.
How did he know? That's exactly what happened.
'Well... I... Ok, yes. Yes to everything.'
Except for Eliza, my daughter still arouses me.
'Then the same thing happened, de-sensitized. You decided to be bold and come to a gay bar. Maybe this isn't your first, but I think it is.'
I nodded yes.
'Let me tell the future that you had planned that I clearly disrupted. You would have come back to this bar, or another, checking out the attendees sitting on a bar stool, hoping no one would talk to you. You would go home and masturbate about how close you were.'
'Jackson, you are right.'
'You are not the only one with that history. Some decide to stay straight, others decided to enjoy sex with a male partner. It is your fate.'
'Many of my patients go through this. I wouldn't quite say it is normal, but you would be surprised how common it is.'
'Patients?'
'Yes, I am a practicing doctor in psychology, a successful practice.'
He said, 'So now what?'
'Is it possible we can be friends? Start out like that? I really enjoyed talking to you. We are so in sync on so many things. A no from you is OK, I understand.'
He thought for a moment.
'I have lots of friends.'
Sounds like a no.
'Would like to meet them? Some are here tonight'
I breathed a sigh of relief.
'Yes, I would love to do that.'
He took my hand and led me to a table towards the back. The friends were laughing and having a joyous time.
I guess gay friends hold hands. I liked it.
'Hey losers, meet Liam, my new friend. He is in the witness protection program so I don't think it is his real name.'
They all laughed. I had an urge to tell them my full name but I didn't. Maybe another time.
It was a round table, great for conversation. I sat next to Jackson, we held hands under the table. I squeezed his hand, letting him know I am OK with that.
Jim was on my right, introduced himself. He said he was a recovering junkie. A wild looking person, his hair uncombed with hairs spraying out like he just been electrocuted.
Next to him was Delilah. In a deep voice she introduced herself. She looked like a Delilah, long silky hair, black eyebrows and long eyelashes on top of her dark eyes. She was wearing a leather top with a plunging neckline, her ample breasts pushed up and almost out.
Seeing a female made me comfortable, feeding my straight side.
Jackson read my mind. He cupped his hand behind my ear and said, 'Shemale.'
Across from Jackson and I, Jerry and Jon. Jon made a point to spell his name for me. They were holding hands above the table, occasionally kissing, a couple. Marking their partner, hands off.
Crystal next to Jackson.
She is as good looking as Delilah except she was blonde with light complexion. Same large breasts, but concealed a little more.
But her eyes, oh my gosh, her eyes were crystal blue. I liked her at the bar, now even more at the table.
'Jackson, how do you manage to get all the good ones? I am jealous,' Crystal said.
I blushed. She likes me, a shemale likes me!
'Crystal, we are just friends.'
She said, 'Like we were? And I heard your place or mine? Were you planning on playing Monopoly or something?'
'If you want to get together with Liam, I am fine with that.'
She pulled out her phone. My phone buzzed, she was sharing her contact info.
'Liam, please share your contact info.'
This is exciting. I sent her my contact info without thinking.
'What? Is this right? Kir Liam, Chairman of the Board, CEO Umet?
'Yes, that's right.'
'So you go by your last name?'
'Yeah, weird huh?'
'What are you doing hanging out with a loser like Jackson?'
Jerry worked his phone, 'Kir Liam, founder, COB, CEO of Umet, an Amazon competitor. Married to former Miss America Britney Latrobe, four children, two girls, two boys. All born a year apart. All graduated Ivy colleges. Oldest girl in last year of Harvard Law. Her sister one year younger, accepted at Stanford Medical. The boys...'
Jackson said, 'That's enough. What's your point?'