Life changed for me when I hit the age of thirteen. At the time when all my friends had already acquired breasts, curves and the interest of the boys, I was still flat-chested; a late developer.
To make matters worse, my parents were sending me to private schools and these typically changed from the junior to senior schools at the age of 13.
So there I was in a new school, a little girl lost in a sea of hormones. The trouble was they were not my hormones, they belonged to all the girls around me or perhaps I should say the young women who were making waves in that ocean of male hormones.
Yes that's right, all the girls had definitely got the attention of the boys at school, except me.
My first day didn't improve this any. The school admitted students on the basis of some entrance exams and my results were good; actually they were very good, which meant that I was put up a year, straight into year 4.
I would already have been one of the youngest in my normal year group, but now I was as much as 2 years younger that some of my class, who were already 15.
I suppose I did have one thing going for me in the form of my brother, Andy.
Andy was nearly 3 years older than me, with his September birthday just tipping him into year 5, he was already established and, with his sense of mischief and easy smile, he was well liked.
We had always got on very well and were affectionate with each other; as children we were very tactile and we simply never lost this closeness and, at the age of 13, I would think nothing of climbing onto his lap for a cuddle in front of the TV or because I was upset about something.
I think Andy enjoyed his role as his little sister's protector or comforter, a role he had adopted from our early childhood. And I was still small enough to get away with it.
In the early days and weeks of that term he helped me to settle in. He sought me out, let people know that I was his little sister and so I avoided any teasing. I quickly found my feet and made friends, many of whom were also Andy's friends.
****
Time and the terms passed.
It wasn't until nearly three years had passed that puberty hit and I started to grow in all directions – finally. Of course, Andy was totally oblivious to this momentous time in my life, with his time fully occupied with studying for his exams, sport and having the best time possible in his last months at school, so we hardly saw each other as the school year drew to a close.
That summer saw Andy complete his exams and get an offer for university, delayed so that he could take a gap year. And as soon as he finished his exams, he had a week of parties with his school friends before heading off with a friend to India where, at least for the start, they would be staying with his friend's uncle.
For the first time in my life, I didn't see my brother every day. And I missed him.
One more year, my last at school. By this time I had shot up to 5 ft 6 ins and had acquired the curves that I had longed for, having jealously realised that this is what the boys seemed to like in the other girls in my class. Although I didn't have a long term boyfriend, I found that I was regularly being asked out on dates, often with another friend and her boyfriend, sometimes alone and.......well, to be honest, I grew in confidence and in experience, a lot.
I had applied to Sheffield University mainly because I had liked the city when I went to look around on the university open day, but it was the same university that Andy was going to attend. I figured that it was a large university and city, and in any event we were doing different degrees, so we wouldn't end up living in each other's pockets.
Andy returned home only a week before university started, deeply-tanned and looking like a Greek god according to my friends.
As soon as he arrived I flung myself at him, my arms around his neck and gave him the biggest hug possible; I was so happy to see him back and quickly dragged him to the sofa in the lounge to quiz him on what he had been doing, where he had been....a regular interrogation during which I just cuddled up to him. My brother was home and I was so happy.
Andy was so pleased to see me too and told me that he couldn't get over how much I had changed since he had last seen me, how much I had grown up and that he would need to start going to the gym so that he could protect me from all the boys.
That was so sweet and unexpected from Andy. I knew that I had missed him for some reason!
****
And so, to university.
The first month was very full, meeting new friends, finding out the geography of the university, the best clubs and shops....and of course discovering deadlines for essays were tomorrow. Damn, where did the time go?
After that I began to pace myself a bit better. That didn't mean that I stopped having fun, only that fun tended to end a little earlier than before and took into account my increasing workload.
During this time I had barely seen Andy. Well, I had seen him around the university and at some of the pubs and clubs, but we didn't really seek each other out, but that started to change when I met a couple of my friends, Kim and Sarah, in the university refectory at lunch; they were talking excitedly about some hot guy they had bumped into with some of their other friends.
And that turned out to be Andy!
I did have some fun at their expense though, once I had realised who this guy was and they were still trying to find an excuse to talk to him, but still too scared to do so. I bet them that I could get his name and mobile number, while they watched from across the library.
Respect!
Or at least until they found out who he really was, my brother. After that Andy's group of friends and mine merged.
As the first year at university progressed, we all increasingly became more relaxed with each other, more confident with others and somewhat wilder at parties where people would simply crash out on the bedroom floors regardless of who else was in the room and what they were doing.
Of course with so many young people mixing so intimately and away from their parental homes, sex became a regular topic and activity. Needless to say, I was not entirely innocent.