I blame the Bears for my affair with my daughter-in-law. Really.
My son had married this gorgeous, curvy, green-eyed vixen with curly light brown hair that fell to the middle of her back. She was sweet as homemade apple pie, was smart as a whip, and had a quick wit. Melody Harper, now Mrs. Melody Banks, was absolutely perfect with one key exception.
She loved the Chicago Bears.
We're Packer fans, thank you very much. My son Jimmy and I have both worshipped at the cathedral known as Lambeau Field and both have wardrobes full of green and gold. Let me tell you, that's pretty conspicuous when you live in central Indiana, where the Colts reign supreme.
I got so fed up with being forced to watch the Colts every Sunday that I ponied up the cash for a satellite dish and that package that gives you access to all NFL games every Sunday. The very first week, Melody was at my door. Wearing a Cutler jersey.
"Hi Daddy Banks," she sang when I opened the door. "I'm here for the game!"
"You're gonna look funny watching the Packers-Saints game wearing
that
Bears shirt," I told her as I moved aside and let her in.
"But the Bears are playing the Eagles today," she told me. "Can't you let me watch the Bears game? You got a DVR with your satellite system, right? You could record the Packers and watch that after the Bears game!"
Told you she was smart. She had also brought along a 12-pack of St. Pauli Girl; that was the real reason I let her watch her game.
I settled onto my recliner (nobody sits in that chair but me) in full recline mode and Mel settled down on the couch. She squirmed a bit as the Bears offense, and Cutler, struggled early. She growled β swear to god, she
growled
β when Cutler threw an interception just short of the goal line.
"I gotta pee," she announced after putting down her empty beer bottle. Then she disappeared down the hall.