Oct.21
Well, I can't say the house has gotten back to normal, I don't think it will ever be normal again. At least what most people would consider normal, but the tension has gone down between the children and me when we are in the house together. Mike has noticed the past few days I'm sure some sort of tension, but as I treat him as I had been doing and the kids seem to react to him the same, he hasn't noticed the stress...or may I say the silence between me and the kids. But the girls at least have started talking to me some, other then the automatic hello as they walk through the door. Genie actually hugged me yesterday and Mary gave me a small smile at one point. I guess I'll have to wait further for signs of Peter's shell breaking, but that is to be expected. He knows, and rightly so, that the brunt of the blame from me falls on him. Well, except what I blame myself for...which is a lot. Peter was right; I could have stopped it whenever I wanted.
At this point I feel like a pariah, an outcast. The kids seem to talk to each other much the same as before, I can hear them in the living room, or at times in one of their rooms as they talk, but things usually grow silent or more whispered when I pass. And I can't help feeling strange now, happy that I am no longer under the microscope with Peter molesting me and the girls watching the show, but I find myself...well...missing the attention. As well, if I may say so, the sexual tension and stimulation. I feel at times like a junkie without a fix, my nerves all tense. I've had to masturbate several times the past few days to relieve the stress I feel during the day and I feel rather sick afterward, because every time I masturbate, even though I fight and try not to, I keep reliving how Peter felt inside me and of Mary below me, even Genie as she came, her fingers inside herself.
I know we have to put it behind us and move on, but it is hard with these thoughts...these sick desires inside of me. And wondering what else might be inside me, am I pregnant? I won't know for a few weeks, though I dread it, because I know I was fertile then, when it happened. And I still cant see forward to what I will do if I am, it makes me sick to think of aborting it, but how could I carry it, Mike would know it wasn't his. I guess I just have to wait and see, about everything I guess.
Oct. 22
Peter gave me a hug yesterday, our first real 'touch' since that day. After they got home and I said hello, both Genie and Mary gave me a hug shortly after they entered the kitchen and I gave them smiles in return, my hands being messy as I fixed supper. Peter walked past me to his room I'm assuming, but when he returned I gave him another "Hello Peter" as he walked past me and I looked at him. He hesitated a second then he slowly hugged me and I noticed that he was making sure to hold his hips away from mine as we touched. I whispered "it's ok Peter." Telling him it was ok between us and he gave me a surprised look at me as he pulled back. I hope I didn't give him the wrong thoughts, I didn't think when I spoke and he might have taken it to mean I meant it was ok to...resume his past behavior. I hope not. But after getting things to drink and in Genie's case a snack, I didn't see them much until shortly before their father got home, which seems to be the trend nowadays. I'm starting to feel very left out and even somewhat depressed after what happened, now thinking and wondering if it was more my fault then theirs.
Oct. 27
Ok, I am getting feed up of being ignored in the afternoon after they get home. It's almost like they are trying to make me feel guilty for what happened the other week. They come home and then they shortly after disappear, sometimes to one of their rooms, but other times I have no idea where they go, although I haven't been searching for them. I'm usually busy about that time with supper or cleaning up and have little time before their father gets home. Maybe I should try to talk to them later and see if that helps the situation any...
Susan made sure to finish all of her cleaning early, before the kids got home, making sure to not watch TV or read so as to finish before they got home. She even had the supper of meatloaf almost ready when they got home. They spent a few minutes in the kitchen and Susan made sure to hug each of them these days (Peter seems to be on parole and seemingly hasn't tried anything), today included. Then they left the kitchen and Susan again was left alone. She quickly washed the few dishes she had made dirty when she fixed the supper, then checking the meatloaf in the oven, knowing it had another hour at least to cook. Susan then washed her hands and then went off to talk to her children.
She knew they weren't in the living, which is just off of and in front of the kitchen and figured they weren't in the dining room, she would have heard them from the kitchen. She walked down the hall to the bedrooms and saw two of the bedroom doors, Genie's and Mary's was open...both empty. She walked to Peter's room and knocked on the door, only to be greeted with silence. She knocked again and waited. After a minute she tried the handle, opening it and finding the room empty. She even looked inside the closet, empty. She closed Peter's door as she left. She checked Marie's room and found everything undisturbed and closed the door. She moved back, seeing they weren't in the hallway bathroom and walked to her room. Her room was empty as well, even her bathroom. She stood perplexed and then wondered if they had left and gone somewhere.
"Maybe they left by the dining room door?" Susan said as she talked aloud, but knew that was improbable. The dining room front door was very noisy and if they had used it, she surely would have heard it. But Susan walked to the side door and opened it, looking out and seeing Peter's car and hers still in the driveway. Now she was confused, even if they left by the back screen door, they didn't take the car. She went to go get her house keys and slipped on her shoes and using the front door, started looking outside for them. She was starting to feel funny about the situation, she felt certain that the kids would tell her if they had left the house, even with what had happened between them...why shouldn't they? She felt funny standing in the front yard as cars drove by her on the road, but she wondered if they had walked to a neighbor's house. The girls had a few friends close by within walking distance, but why would they when Peter could drive them. She sighed, thinking about calling around, but only after she checked the side and back yard.
She passed between the cars, looking in the windows for the weird off chance they would be hiding in the cars, nothing. She opened the gate to the backyard and closing it behind her. She didn't see them and walked to check the far side of the house, where she once had a garden, but which was now just grass and a few weeds. She looked around as she saw the whole yard was empty and she turned and started back to the front yard and the open door. Then she stopped, catching something and she spun about and realized what she had seen...the shed door was unlocked, and the padlock was on the ground. She moved to the door and looked inside, seeing it empty, but now figuring she knew where her children were...the spare bedroom that Mike and Peter had built into the rear of the shed. They had taken a few weeks to convert the mostly unused shed to a spare bedroom in the back of it for the odd times that one of their relations would come and visit them.
Susan quietly opened the shed door, making it creak only slightly and she walked softly to the door of the spare bedroom and put her ear to the door, half guessing what she would find. At first she didn't hear anything and was about to try the door when what she thought was moaning come from the other side of the door. She turned the knob and flipped the door open and saw all three of her children were inside...all of them naked and on the double bed. She got a quick picture of what they were doing before they reacted to her presence and saw that Peter was between Genies legs, actively licking her pussy, and Mary was under Peter as he knelt, her mouth firming around Peter's hanging cock! They flew apart as she entered the room, her face flush with surprise...as theirs now were.
"What in the hell are you doing!" She demanded of them, though she could tell very well what they were doing. They scrambled to cover themselves, but they had been lying on top of the covers, so only Genie was able to pull the covers enough from the side to cover herself. Susan caught herself smiling as she watched them scramble to cover themselves...Peter was covering his crotch and Mary hid behind him. "Oh stop it...I've already seen you naked and all things considered we're past that. I can't believe you three doing this, after...after what happened in the kitchen!" She told them loudly, but she was surprisingly not mad. She stared at all three of them.
"We...we just, well...wanted to, you know..." Peter tried to explain to her and just fumbled for words as he looked at the floor.
