A week later in the morning I dragged my ass out of bed with a hangover and a sore ass. The comments and messages were extensive and took most of the day that I was groaning in bed to sift through and reply to individually. With hope still burning under the physical distractions I tried to reply to each of them like it would be his hands on the other end. The deleted account hadnt popped back up but this wasn't uncommon in people who finally worked up the courage to reach out to a trans camgirl, either deleting it out of fear of getting caught or to repress their sexuality.
I still wonder what the hell I was thinking, but the thoughts of older men had consumed me and I rejoined the online dating life by giving out the city I was in through my profiles. I was up every night since my cam show wondering if I should call my Dad and ask him if it was him online. He hadn't called me or answered any texts so I pretended he was busy. Maybe someone had just hunted me down to get a rise out of me. I talked with a guy we can call David for a few weeks before I went on a date with him.
He wasn't one of the fans that knew about my dark secret but his initial impression was polite and accepting. David was in his 40's and hadn't let the years slow him down, keeping active and sporty. We had coffee at my favorite shop while I nervously asked questions and stared at the ground. He was confident and calm, allowing me to take my time. It's no surprise that I had been drawn to him for similar features that my Dad shared which left me daydreaming each time I looked across the table and met his eyes.
I explained I'd never done anything like this before so he offered to take the lead. The more I looked at him though I only saw the one person who I worked so desperately to keep out of my head. I thought body hair and that musk or experience of an older man could keep my habits healthy, or at least satiate the lust without hurting the people around me.
David had been with a few trans girls which could be either good or bad, but the way he talked he seemed familiar with the community and comfortable in his own sexuality. I told him I was a virgin and he told me there was no pressure to jump into anything sexual even though he wanted a long term partner. We sent a few tasteful nude pictures with him in his boxers while rock hard, and mine only down to my bra and panties. He took me out to a movie, to dinner twice, and still showed a respectful restraint when dropping me off at my dorm and keeping his hands to my shoulders and arms as he kissed me passionately.
Each time he would kiss me goodnight I would close my eyes and try to keep my thoughts on him but they always drifted back to Evan, and so I pushed sex further away out of the guilt that tormented me. I took a break too from my social media to try and forget that just a few clicks away was a horny hoard of fans encouraging me to drive down to Oregon and wake up my father with a sloppy blowjob.
After dinner, our fifth date, David offered to watch a movie with me and we drove back to his house just a few miles off campus. We threw on something slow paced and cuddled on the couch. His home was quiet and seemed to lack much furniture which he explained as having to move recently with most of his items in storage. It was an hour into our movie that I felt his hands running over me. He wasn't pushy but even a slow pull of tingles up my leg lit my body aflame to temper my arousal that wore me down for the last few weeks. The nature of a man who had kept his touch so limited and then moved to gently caressing the open skin above my breasts had turned me over inside from cautious, to ravenous.
Hormones can be tricky. It's like your teenage years where you wonder just exactly what the boundaries are of your body, but the second time you have the mature wants of an adult and the willingness to ask without the fear and adrenaline that make your legs shake and eyes widen when you barely graze your partner's genitals. In the first few years of it, the magical sensation of wondering exactly how their touch is going to affect you returns again and now has a whole new way of making your body respond.
When he rubbed my breasts I knew I didn't have to care about my fetishes, or even what he and I would look like together to get what I want. Turning and looking me in the eyes he asked, "Would you like me to stop?" My voice seemed to choke up and I could only shake my head in response. "Do you want me to lead?" My red and freckled cheeks were warm to the touch when he put his thumb on the side of my lips. I nodded to him with my mouth slightly open, the terror of potentially losing my virginity that night was making my hands tremble.
He took control and I got pulled into his lap. I was grinding against his cock and squeezing his hands tighter around me to show him how hard I wanted his grip. I was soft and romantic before the pills, but nearly two years without someone fully taking you can drive you mad. He had passion, lust, and a sense of assuring calm that came with the experience of an older man. He kissed between my breasts towards my jawline, the light press of his beard like a pillow to my ribs sending shivers down the front or my body.
