I was hitting my two year anniversary of hormones in mid December, and a handful of friends had invited me to a party they planned to throw. I'd invited my Dad and soon the weekend was on its way. The whole time I thought of him coming up to see me, my chest began to feel tight and soon my face would burn red. I tried to tell myself it was left over embarrassment and anxiety from the previous experience that left me so broken with David to no avail.
My Dad let me know that I was free to drink as I like and he would take me home to avoid any trouble. The fear that even a beer would get into me and the secrets would begin pouring out made me tremble when he saw me. When our eyes locked I tried to hug him but he tucked his hands at his sides, unable or unwilling to return it. I didn't want to pressure him but also caught him turning away slightly. The perverse side of my brain thought he might be hiding if he was getting hard in front of me.
When we all met up at the bar of choice I introduced him but he had the mentality of a man who had been forced to handle more and more as the years went by despite being a kid inside. He refused to be called sir or mister and eventually drank with us, promising to call us a rideshare back to the dorm. Beers went deeper and he joined in the dirty jokes that had some of my friends mopping their beer from their faces and table. He shared stories of his parties on campus and even some of the times he was caught with girls or guys around town.
As the night went by most of my friends had either said to his face or texted me to let me know that my Dad was cooler than most of the parents they had. A lot of the trans friends were pretty jealous, one even openly eyeing him but his courtesy let him respectfully ignore it. Before we left the bar one of my friends pulled him aside for a quick conversation that I assumed was to ask for his number from their expression, their faces shifting to a humble disappointment. Celebrating internally that he wasn't interested, I teased him gently while we waited for the ride.
"What, you didn't want to go hookup with my friend?" He gave me a big silly frown as I said it.
"Obviously I do, but I'm spending the day with my daughter." He laughed.
"People are going to assume that's what you're doing with me then." When it left my mouth the guilt on his face from when I tried to hug him returned and he shut down.
He caught the ride with me but despite the drinks we were silent and couldn't look at each other. He paused me before we went into the dorm again. "You might want to act drunk." He said, looking from me to the glass windows in the dorm lobby.
I threw my arms up in a silly pose. "But I am!"
He laughed, leaning on a wall to keep balance and then gave himself a light smack in the face, shaking out his limbs and straightening his clothes. "Here. We can pull what we did last time." He held out his arms for me to jump in with a shit eating grin.
I was nervous but let the beer do the thinking. I pretended to be dead at first, sticking my tongue out till he pinched it. "Not that drunk ya brat." I pulled the tongue back in with a giggle and felt him carry me around the corner. He feigned dropping me twice which brought giggles out before he hushed me. The more I leaned into his chest I was exposed to the thick cologne from my dreams. The muscles in my hips roared to push against his body and something more that I couldn't identify except as a tingling joy above them. Katie was on duty again and let out a groan.
"Again?" She threw down her book. "She doesn't have any in the dorm does she?"
I waited patiently in my father's arms as he held me up. "Don't worry, this is the last time. She doesn't have any up there and I'm gonna make sure this stops here." Had Evan done this ruse back when he was in college too?
"You're really sweet, you know, to take care of her. My Dads on the other side of the country but I'd love it if he was more like you." Her voice was flirty and coy. I felt jealousy rise inside me and I had to bite my lip to keep from talking and breaking the illusion. I heard her get up and her heels click on the tile as she walked over to him. "You need some company after you tuck her in?"
"Thank you for the offer but I can't." He said shortly.
Katie got the elevator for him with her eyes wandering over his body and he set me down once the doors were closed. I let out a giggle and my Dad hit the button for my floor. As the elevator began to move I lost my balance and he pulled me close. "Easy sweetie, can't have you falling down on me."
"Or going down." I regretted the words as soon as I said them. The drinks were kicking my ass and I stood up, trying to regain my composure. He brushed it off as the booze and we sat awkwardly in silence till the elevator opened.
