Diana Triumphant

In some respects Diana's childhood was unusual. Her mother, Prudence, and her father, Michael, seemed to reverse roles.

It came about because Prudence never really wanted Diana. It was as a result of Michael almost begging her to have a child that she finally relented.

It is said that even the most reluctant mother, on seeing her new born child, automatically loves it, the fruit, as it were, of her womb.

Whether this is generally true or not I don't know but what I do know is that it did not apply to Prudence. She was career and not motherhood oriented and for her Diana was a nuisance, rather like a pebble in one's shoe.

Prudence is, in keeping with the contemporary Church, lay head of one of its departments; ironically it is the Child and Youth Mission Department. This work frequently took her to conferences, seminars and other such gatherings, often keeping her away from home for days and even weeks at a time.

Michael is an architect, and while this work also takes him away from home occasionally, he was certainly more present to Diana than her mother.

Michael loved his pretty little daughter dearly, and it was he who carried out those functions in Diana's life that are generally believed to be the mother's role. It was he who bathed her, changed her, played with her and took her for walks. As Diana grew it was he who helped her select clothes, taught her to swim and play tennis, and at times when Prudence declared herself to be "Too busy," Michael and Diana would go off on holiday together.

It was Diana on whom Michael poured out his love. His relationship with Prudence after the child's birth had become precarious since she blamed him for endangering her career. The consequence was that over the years after the birth they drifted increasingly apart.

It has been noted that a child who feels unwanted and unloved exhibits behaviour that makes it even more unlovable. This often carries over into later life, and so it did with Michael and Prudence.

From the beginning Prudence had shown some jealousy about the loving relationship between Diana and her father. The more this jealousy was made manifest the farther apart husband and wife became. The farther apart they were the more Michael focused his love on his child, and, of course, the more irascible Prudence became.

Michael and Diana frequently gave expression to their love in hugs and kisses, and when Diana was still a child they would spend long periods together, perhaps watching television, or with Michael just reading to her while Diana cuddled up to him.

There were occasions when Prudence, seeing them so happy and contented with each other, would make sneering remarks about their "unhealthy" relationship, and adding, "You're like a couple of lovers."

A critical moment came when Diana was twelve; an age when a girl most needs her mother. Prudence announced that she was leaving Michael, and by association, Diana as well. The reason she gave was "spiritual incompatibility."

After she had departed it was revealed that she had found her "spiritual soul mate" in Arnold, a celibate priest who, deserting his post, became un-celibate with Prudence. Oddly, having objected to having one child with Michael, Prudence gave birth to three children with Arnold, and only the drying up of her fertility stopped her from having more. Such are the strange vagaries of human relationships.

Among those vagaries can be included Prudence's almost total neglect after she left of her firstborn, Diana. Michael and Diana were left to fend for themselves as best they could.

As far as Diana was concerned the departure of Prudence meant the absence of a rival for her father's affection, although towards the end of Prudence's life with them she had hardly been a rival at all, and had lived an increasingly separate life. Nevertheless, Diana felt that she now had her father all to herself.

Diana was entering the spring time of womanhood; the first budding of her breasts; the little triangle of pubic hair, and of course that momentous, and for some girls, the frightening, arrival of her first menstrual period, with no mother to guide her through these changes.

Fortunately Michael's mother, Marion, was to some extent able to help out at this time. It was Marion who took Diana to buy her first bras and panties – panties as opposed to the knickers she had worn as a child. It was this event that led to a change in Michael's view of Diana.

During the evening after the shopping expedition Diana stood looking at herself in her bedroom mirror, dressed only in the newly acquired panties and bras. She felt quite grown up, and always longing for her father's approval she sought him and standing in front of him said, "Look what grandma and I bought today, do you think I look nice?"

Michael looked up from the book he was reading, and felt his face flush. For the first time he fully recognised that Diana was indeed growing towards mature womanhood. She was no longer his child, his "dear little girl."

The shadow of pubic hair could be seen through delicate fabric of Diana's panties; the lacy bras did little to hide her burgeoning breasts with their sweet little pink nipples. Diana bore the promise of becoming an exceedingly beautiful woman.

Michael experienced a lurching sensation in his stomach, and as he recovered from this revelation of his daughter he said, "Yes, you look lovely darling, but I don't think you ought to go around the house dressed like that."

"But daddy, I only wanted to show you..."

"Yes, darling, and you look very nice; now go and put some more clothes on."

Diana, emotionaly on the pivotal point between childhood and maturity, was puzzled and a hurt. Daddy had been a little short with her. She had always paraded her new clothes before him in the past, but this time it seemed as if he wasn't interested. She did not understand the effect she'd had on Michael; that insight was to come much later.

Diana's wish to have Michael all to herself was not fulfilled, although for a long time she did not know why. In his forties Michael was still a very attractive man. His sex life with Prudence after the birth of Diana had passed through several stages; from, not very satisfactory; hardly ever; to never.

He had a quality that seems to be rare among men. He actually believed in his marriage vows. Being "faithful until death parts us" he interpreted as never having sex with anyone but his wife, even if he wasn't having any with her.

Once Prudence had departed, however, he gradually felt free to engage in sexual activity. This freedom was advanced when he learned that it was only six months after Prudence had married her spiritual soul mate that she gave birth to the first child of that union. The indications were clear; Prudence and her celibate soul mate had been engaging in not only spiritual contemplation, but had also been enjoying carnal indulgence before she left Michael.

Released from the matrimonial bond Michael had no difficulty in finding himself a willing partner to relieve him of his long banked up sexual frustrations. This time he was determined that the bonds of marriage would not enmesh him again.

This led to a rather confusing problem for Michael. Obviously he was not the promiscuous type as witness his faithfulness to Prudence, but one of the things he would dearly liked to have happened was for there to be more children in his life. The ladies with whom he copulated were not willing to provide him with more offspring without marriage.

Hence over the course of five or six years Michael became a one woman man, but it was a case of one woman at a time. As each successive lover became aware that marriage was not the end product Michael had in mind, her passion cooled.

Poor Michael; from the first with Prudence and now with the women he attracted, he had been from his perspective, "unlucky in love." I think deep inside Michael longed for a permanent relationship, but his experience with marriage had made him wary, and truth to tell, a trifle cynical.

Diana too had her problems, and these centred mainly on her father. It was not that Michael loved her less, but the pleasures that he found with his inamoratas led to his seeing less of Diana than had once been the case. In addition, when they were together he was less tactile with her than he had been during her childhood. Being herself a very demonstrative girl and having always been used to giving expression to her love and emotions, she started to feel rejected. This, strangely enough, led to the loss of her virginity.

Once she had started to become sexually aware, Diana had explored herself and learned the joys of her clitoris. At night, with the fingers of one hand gently pressing a nipple, with a finger of her other hand she would circle her clitoris, and this of course meant that she quickly discovered the pleasures and pains of the female orgasm.

Having discovered her sexual self, and with the decline in Michael's tactile relationship with her, Diana was open to someone else who might give her the loving hugs she was missing with her father. The difficulty was that like her father she had a rather virtuous attitude to sex.

So it was that one night when Michael was out visiting his latest lover, Diana invited a boy called Reginald to her house; the reason for his visit given to Michael being a joint effort with their homework. This was sincerely meant by Diana; as for Reginald's initial motives, we shall probably never really know for sure.

Perhaps Michael was naïve to leave two sixteen year olds alone together, but so be it.

Diana was undoubtedly a very attractive girl, and since she was not among those girls at school who regularly enjoyed the penetration of their vaginas by the potent penises of the male students, she was seen to be a something of a challenge.

During the course of that homework evening Reginald, started by tentatively putting his arm round Diana, and then by cautious steps went on to kissing, hugging, and breast fondling. He almost had his wicked way with Diana – almost, but not quite.

Diana, feeling deprived, and annoyed that her father had deserted her for yet another evening, she responded to Reginald's advances. She enjoyed his touches and kisses and having been thoroughly aroused, she even let him fondle her breasts and suck her nipples.

This was the first time she had experienced something approaching sexual contact, but she was not naïve. They had received sex lessons at school, and she had read books and looked at pictures. She knew what a male member looked like and had some idea what could be done with it.

Reginald, however, was the more experienced of the two, and having judged Diana to be ready for more than breast manipulating, he proceeded to explore her genitals.

Even this she did not mind, in fact she found it highly pleasurable since Reginald knew about the female clitoris and its potential for frenzied arousal.

They were not exactly naked but their clothing was in considerable disarray. Reginald's penis was exposed and extremely hard, and dribbles of pre-cum had rendered its head shiny and sticky. He took Diana's hand and pressed her fingers round his throbbing member and encouraged her to start masturbating him.

Diana, inexperienced as she was with the male organ, nevertheless complied. From Reginald's point of view all this was intended to lead up to the grand finale of his sperm in Diana's vagina. Whether this would have been the final outcome we shall never know, because pain intervened before he got that far.

As she was masturbating him, and with his growing excitement, he sought to thrust his fingers into Diana's vaginal tunnel, but unfortunately for him that little membrane stood in the path of his exploring finger. His thrust was so fierce that he tore it apart.

Diana screamed and leapt up from the divan where they had been entwined, using some very unladylike language directed at confused Reginald. She was bleeding quite badly and after some more abuse Reginald was hustled from the room and the house, never to enter it again.

After showering, during which Diana carefully examined herself for damage, she decided that perhaps the wound inflicted by Reginald was not fatal, but it had ruined a perfectly good dress because the stains of her blood were never completely removed from it.

In bed that night she contemplated the course of the evening, and although in some aspects it had been pleasant the outcome had been less so; yet she realised it might have been worse. The story round the school was that that you couldn't get pregnant the first time, but that view had been shattered when her friend Mavis got pregnant and claimed, "I only did it once."

Virtue laid its lukewarm hand on her and she resolved that in future she would preserve her – not virginity since that had gone – but her first "real time" for the man she loved. With that chaste decision her sex life, apart from self-relief, came to a halt.

Her relationship with her father continued to trouble Diana. Without knowing for sure, since Michael did not parade the women in his life, confining his activities to their houses or motels, Diana came to suspect that there was something going on. This seemed to threaten her relationship with her father more than her mother ever had. When her mother still lived with them Diana felt that she had some degree of control, and had in her childish way even enjoyed annoying her mother over her closeness to her father. But these other women, if they existed, were loose cannons.

There were times when she felt like confronting her father about the apparent decline in their relationship. She wanted to ask him why he kept her at a distance. It was not that he was unkind, but it was not the same as it had once been and she wondered if he no longer really loved or even liked her.

She was sure it wasn't because she was unattractive; in that regard she had plenty of reinforcement from others. But he father no longer told her, as he had done when she was younger, how pretty she was or said he loved her.

As often as she made up her mind to speak to him about these things, she backed off at the last moment. Then came the Saturday morning when she finally found the courage to speak.

She had risen a little late and still wearing her nightdress she went to the kitchen to have breakfast. Her father was already sitting at the table reading the newspaper, and for Diana this was one of those deja vu experiences. She had been here before.

Often when she was younger she would go to her father and sit on his lap facing him, her arms round his neck and legs straddling him.

She now stood looking at him for a moment, then with sudden resolve she pushed aside the newspaper, sat astride Michael and kissed him softly on the mouth; "Good morning, daddy."

Michael looked flustered and for a moment said and did nothing. Diana stroked his face and hair saying, "I've got to talk with you daddy."

She was pulling herself very close to him and it was then she felt something hard pressing against the soft lips of her sex organ. She knew what it was, and she liked it. She started to press down hard, moving slightly over the tantalising erection. She felt her vagina lubricating and her nipples growing firm.

Michael, recovering from his surprise and fully aware of the effect his daughter was having on him, tried to rise saying, "Darling, don't, you're a big girl now and rather heavy."

As he tried to rise Diana slipped from his lap to almost drop onto the floor. He steadied her but she pulled away from him and fled from the room. In her bedroom she burst into angry tears. She knew now why her father was cool with her. It was not that he disliked her or found her unattractive, but the very opposite. He liked and loved her too much.

It had been so close; she had enjoyed what she had felt, and only the cloth of Michael trousers had stood between his penis and its penetration of her vaginal opening.

She had never understood the impact she'd had on her father the first time she appeared before him in panties and bras. He had seen in her then the developing woman, a beautiful and desirable woman, and he had known what his response to her young body had been. It was then he knew he must keep her at a distance.

Now Diana had responded to the feel of his erection pressing against her, and yet he had removed her from his lap. From that time on she was aware that he was not only sexually attracted to her, but that she was also attracted sexually to her handsome father.

It might have remained like that, two people, father and daughter, living in close proximity, desiring each other and trying to make sure that circumstances would never arise when they would give in to temptation.

That is how it might have remained until such time as Diana moved out from the house, perhaps to marry or follow a career.

It was when Diana had left high school and, following in her father's footsteps, started to study architecture at the university, when the next step in their relationship took place.

It was a cancelled lecture and Diana's decision not to work in the library that brought this step about. She came home, and was puzzled to see her father's car in the drive; she had not expected him to be home that time of the day. Just as puzzling was another car in the drive, a car she did not recognise.

It was her habit not to enter by the front door, but to go round to the side of the house where French windows looked out over the lawn. She was about to open one of the glass doors when she stopped short. She could see why her father was at home early. He had not been expecting her, and on the very divan where Reginald had taken her virginity was her father, naked, and under him an equally naked woman.

Poor Michael; it was one of the few occasions when he had brought a woman home, and he'd got caught.

She could see his buttocks moving up and down rhythmically. The woman's legs were wound round him and they seemed to be close to orgasm. Through the glass came the muffled cries of the woman, sounding like, "Yes...oh yes...harder...deeper..."

Her father plunged fiercely into the woman, she screamed, and his movements became slower but more deliberate.

Diana stood there, both fascinated and repelled. Fascinated by the beauty of two people copulating, and repelled because it was her father with the woman.

As she turned away and made her way angrily to the front door she tried not to admit what her true thoughts were. She let herself into the house and crept to her bedroom. She lay, listening to the sounds of the house; after about an hour she heard the noise of a car starting and leaving, followed soon after by another.

She went down to the room where she had seen, as she put it to herself, "Those two fucking." She dreaded the thought that her father might actually love the woman he had been fucking.

"He loves me," she thought, "or he used to love me. Why doesn't he love me now, why does he push me away; is he afraid of what he feels?"

On the divan she saw faint traces of their union. They had not even been careful about covering up traces of their coupling. She saw some wet patches and a blob of semen that she imagined had dribbled from the woman's vagina gradually drying. Her father's sperm – sperm that might have...she tried to send the thought skittering away but like most thoughts we try to suppress, it knocked at the door of her consciousness relentlessly.

She bent and kissed the droplet of sperm, then tried to lick it, but it had dried too much. She saw in her imagination those two locked in their embrace; she heard again in her imagination, the faint cries of the woman.

Diana lay on the divan and putting her finger against her clitoris circled it, and as she came to orgasm she wept, "Daddy...daddy...love me like that..."