Even though I'm 20, for as long as I can remember, I have lived with my Aunt Bettie. There are pictures on the piano in the living room of a tall somber man and a petite sad woman. Those people are my parents. I know this only because Aunt Bettie sometimes tells their story. I am a part of their story, but when Aunt Bettie describes me, small, wrapped in a white blanket from the hospital, with no hair at all, it is like hearing a story about Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. Those are stories that everyone knows, but everyone knows they aren't really true.
Aunt Bettie married Uncle Gus when I was a very small girl. At their wedding, I wore tiny satin slippers encrusted with rhinestones that I called diamonds. I wore a white dress, tied at the waist with a large creamy bow, and a white straw hat sat atop my head. Aunt Bettie liked to say that I was the perfect little Dolly that dayβand the name stuck. So now whenever Aunt Bettie or Uncle Gus need me, they call, "Dolly!" or "Doll Baby!"
Now that I'm back from college, it seems like night is when they need me most. One or the other will call me from my bed, and I'll stumble out into the hall and make the journey from my room to theirs. When it was just Aunt Bettie, she never called for me at night, when it was dark, and there wasn't a light anywhere in the house or outside on the street. Things changed when she married Uncle Gus.
When I come to their room, they smile at me, and wrap me up in their arms with hugs that I never seem to get during the day. Aunt Bettie's mouth is always warm as she kisses my forehead and cheeks, then whispers to Uncle Gus, "Have you ever seen anything so lovely?"
"No, can't say I have," Gus likes to say, "And I hope I never will. You're a looker Doll Baby."
Gus gets the pillows ready, propping them up against the headboard so that Aunt Bettie can lie on her back, her dark hair spread out beneath her, as she opens her legs wide. The dark hair between her legs reminds me of spiders, their dark legs tangled against the creamy white of her inner thighs. Gus helps me with my nightie, arms up, then it slides up and over my head, and the air rushes around my body and I feel so cold.
It is my job to lie on top of Bettie. I lie on my back, her skin warm against my back, my head resting on her shoulder, so I can hear her breath against my cheek. She strokes my hair and says in a voice that is like taffy, "Go on, Dolly, open up." She wants me to open my legs as wide as they will go. She wants me to hook my feet around her legs. "Good girl," she whispers when I'm done.
I'm most conscious now of the air between my legs. I keep this part of my body covered, my thighs clenched together, unless Aunt Bettie or Uncle Gus call from their room at night, and the sensation of cold air against my skin feels foreign. I am a different creature at night, sprawled across Aunt Bettie's body, her soft breasts pushing into my back, my feet hooked around her legs, her fingers stroking my hair as if I were one of the kittens that play under the house. I can't see Uncle Gus, but I can feel his hands, big and warm, as they run alongside the inside of my legs, up my thighs, and onto my belly.
"Tell him," Aunt Bettie will whisper, knowing when we are all ready, "Be a good girl and tell him."