Getting Back To Normal

There are few things more terrifying than public speaking, if you're like super shy and insecure. Personally, I'm not, but when my English teacher Ms. Clarkson called me up saying it was my turn, my guts tightened and I seriously considered saying I had forgotten to do the project and take a fail. There was no way my boner wasn't going to be noticeable in its current state and there was no way I wanted to be the laughing stock for the next week because I had a hard on during a class presentation.

"Umm, would it be possible if I went next?" I asked trying to look super nervous while trying to appear embarrassed about my "shyness". Frankly it wasn't all that hard to appear nervous, because I was nervous or terrified if I am being completely honest.

"No James." Ms. Clarkson said with well-practiced ease. I always had the feeling she wore the pants at home, and I felt a little sorry for her husband. In part, because I had a feeling she said "No" a lot at home as well. Only a little though, Ms. Clarkson was like super-hot, and the reason I had a boner.

"Umm, why?" I asked rather lamely trying to buy time, praying for this fucking thing to go away.

"Because," she replied, voice becoming more clipped, fingernails tapping her marking binder. She was getting like super impatient and wasn't too impressed with my little side show. When I still didn't respond, looking like a dumb duck. "You're the last one." She finished, impatiently, to impatient I was still hard and not getting softer. Dammit why couldn't she be a little frumpy or something? This, 'I'm in charge attitude' with her completely professional business outfit, such a turn on. Fuck hot teachers, the bane and the fantasy of every 18 year old male student that wasn't gay ever.

Gulping, I stuck my hand in my pocket and quickly palmed my dick moving it to my waistline as I got up, It wouldn't really fool anyone, but it was my only real option. Fuck hot teachers. Literally, that's all I could think of doing as I walked up to the front of the classroom.

The speech was easy, if you ignored the fact that literally everyone saw my boner and probably had a good idea why I had it, the guys anyway. Like I said, Ms. Clarkson was hot. Natural blonde, a nice if smallish rack, a seriously nice tan, sick legs, great ass and a seriously amazing face, she was the girl you stared at for 20 minutes and ended up completely forgetting why you had began surfing the web in the first place.

How or why she became an English teacher I will never know.

I was about halfway through my speech when the bell ending last period went. I literally kicked myself for having not looked at the clock, had I realized how late it was I probably could have weaseled out of it. As it was everyone one had seen my boner, and I still had to redo the whole fucking thing on Monday.

"Alright see you all Monday, James, make sure you are prepared next week you will present first thing."

Nodding, I went to my locker and prayed that no one would bother mentioning my little mishap - that had decided to go away, now. After it didn't fucking matter.

"Hey man, nice hard one, you realize only perverts masturbate during class right?" Well so much for that thought.

Looking at my heckler, I gave him the finger. "Fuck you too Asshole." Laughing the guy kept on going. I decided then to walk home and skip soccer practice. Last thing I wanted was to stick around after that.

My house was about a 15 minute walk from the school. When I was feeling ambitious I would often run it, trying to keep in a least half decent shape. Today, I ran it.

I was about 7 minutes, having walked the last block by the time I hit my front door I wasn't totally out of breath, just breathing a tad heavily.

Going inside I was about to call out a hello. My mom had Fridays off. When I heard the unmistakable sound of a woman moaning. Now I may have been a virgin but one thing any 18 year old guy, virgin or not, will know is the sound of a chick getting fucked in a porno flick. No one ever sounds like that in real life. At least I hoped not, it would become really annoying really fast.

For a moment, I thought I might have left my computer on or something. Except I didn't remember watching porn this morning, that was more of a nightly activity. Frowning I decided to be as quiet as I could and figure out what was going on.

Moving through the entryway I immediately saw the source of the rather obnoxious moaning. The main TV, except there was another sound a low constant hum. A vibrator I realized. It hit me then.

My mother was masturbating. Or someone had broken in just to masturbate, which seemed so out there it was almost plausible, more plausible than my mother doing that, on the couch at least.

There are moments in everyone's life where you can pick option A or option B. Right or Wrong. Fuck her bare back or wait for a condom.

This was one of those moments. Walk away or look. Right as I was about to turn around and pretend I had never come home, I heard my mother moan. It was low, throaty, very real and... hot? A morbid curiosity overcame me and I could feel myself inching forward.

The back of the couch was toward the entryway, so I either had to go to one of the side or look over the top. I opted for one of the sides. My heart was literally in my throat as I moved. I hadn't taken my shoes off, I wasn't sure why that thought occurred to me, but it did I debated going back to take them off. Knowing if I did there would be no chance of me following through on my current course of action.

Shaking lightly I kept moving. My mother was masturbating on that couch and I was going to look at her. Probably naked, with a vibrator, masturbating. I was so going to hell.

That was probably the longest five seconds of my life. Eventually I did hit the coach having a fully unobstructed view of my mother, completely naked, with a very tightly pressed vibrator, black right up against her clit as she watched the TV, humping it a little.

People sometimes have like a sixth sense when they are being watched. My mom got that then. Her eyes immediately went super round and her mouth opened, then she started shaking. It took me a minute but I quickly realized that she was having an orgasm. I'm no expert on such things but it looked intense. It was only after she fell back that I heard the TV.

"Oh god, mom. Your pussy feels so good. Fuck I'm gonna cum."

"On my face baby, cum on mommies face." If I hadn't just watched my mother orgasm I would have rolled my eyes. As it was I was having trouble blinking.

My mother I realized, wasn't ugly, I wasn't sure what to think about that. Laying as she was, leg splayed open chest heaving, head kind of lolling to the side. I really noticed that she looked good naked, on her back like that.

Some girls really don't. My mom, god rest my soul did. Her breast despite her age still looked rather round and firm. And her pussy was like seriously nice. It wasn't a big floppy one, and there were no oversized lips or anything, it seemed almost small, compact, the type of pussy that could be really fun to play with.

I realized with a mild bit of surprise that I was hard and really ready to go. Virgin or not, mother or not, the thought of stripping off my pants and just fucking her damn the consequences, was a very tempting option. One I wasn't quite stupid enough to follow through with.

It was then when I had decided not to rape my mother that she seemed to come out of her daze, and start freaking out. The next 10 15 seconds consisted of a lot of swearing, awkward jerking motions that eventually ended up with my mother in the fetal position on the floor. Crying.

At that moment I found myself wishing that I had just pretended nothing had happened. And just ignored her. I hadn't though, I had walked right up to my mother masturbating, and I knew that nothing would ever be the same.

There are two things that all teenage guys tend to be proficient at:

One --making really stupid decisions.

Two -- Emergency "I didn't fuck it up to badly, you see?" clean up.

I had done an excellent job of number one. Number two came completely instinctively. Dropping my backpack I quickly grabbed a couple of blankets and moved over to her. She was kind of rocking back and forth, sobbing and muttering incoherently. Like one of the crazy chicks you would see in a mental asylum or something.

I felt my blood run cold as I leaned down to put the blanket over my Mother's naked form. My boner was gone. If I am being totally honest, it is something no one should ever see. Especially a Son to his Mother.

I sat on the couch then, kind of in a numb daze just looking at her not really seeing anything. Wishing I could go back in time. I don't know how long we stayed like that, her cradled up on the floor, me hating myself watching her rock. Every second seemed like a small eternity.

Eventually she stopped rocking. I had to blink, clearing my eyes, as she pulled the blanket tightly around her and stood there looking at me.

The silence was really uncomfortable, the porn video had ended at some point and I found my eyes glued to the parting shot the older woman with cum all over her overly done up face. It really wasn't attractive. I suddenly found myself a little disgusted at the whole thing, but it was better than trying to look my mother in the eyes at that moment.

Finally when I couldn't bear her stare anymore I said the first thing that came to mind. "Are you alright?"

For a second she said nothing. Then I faintly heard her repeat me. "Are you alright?" After that it was like a switch went off. "Am I alright? DO you fucking think I'm alright!? Of course I am not alright! My own Son saw me ma... going at it like a whore. And you ask me if I am alright? No James, I am not alright."

She stopped then breathing heavily, I was, I won't lie a bit taken aback by that sudden explosion of rage. It wasn't like it had been my fault.

"What were you thinking?" She said having regained her breath, obviously not expecting a response having looked away. As if the front window would give her an answer.

Except now I was angry. "What was I thinking?" I said standing up, unconsciously towering over her. "What was I thinking? Oh I don't know. Maybe that my Mother would be a bit smarter than to masturbate on the front couch. Where anyone could see. You're right Mom. What was I thinking? I just don't know."

The blood that had infused her face just a few moments ago was gone she looked almost like a ghost backing up, tears streaming down from her eyes. "Oh, god baby. I'm so sorry." She muttered falling back into the rocking chair, which of course made me feel like a complete asshole.

Breathing deeply I sat back down on the couch. "I'm sorry too, Mom, that was, uncalled for."

"No you were right. It's my fault." Normally I would have responded except my Mom was so lost in her thoughts she didn't realize that the blanket had come lose and I had a very clear view of her pussy. Which stopped any verbal response I might have had.

"I am gonna go put some cloths on, I think." She said some time later, her voice sounding small and very tired. I said nothing and just closed my eyes, wondering if anything would ever be the same again.

Fifteen minutes later I heard the front door open and my Mother saying something about going to get groceries. It was normally something we did together this time, I didn't offer and she didn't ask.

I sat there on the couch for perhaps another 20 minutes before I finally moved. The first thing I saw was again the parting shot of the porn video. My stomach almost emptied itself right there, at the mere sight of the skank. Turning the TV off I removed the disk, and found the open blank dvd case near-by laying on the floor. Putting it away, I tried to decide what to do with it.

Without this video and that moaning I never would have realized something was going on and everything would be normal. Except, I told myself ruthlessly, It wasn't normal, and it probably never would be again.

Eventually I decided to just set it in her room. No part of me wanted to watch it. No part of me even wanted to acknowledge its existence right at that moment.

My mom's room was normal, the bed was mostly made, and there was no box of porn videos in plain sight, so I just set it on her dresser, she would eventually see it and deal with it. After that I went to my room and brooded.

It was perhaps 5 30 when she pulled back in the driveway. Without her saying anything I went downstairs to help her unload them all. We said nothing to each other the whole time; no greetings no nothing, just went about our tasks with practiced efficiency as though the other were nothing more than a stranger.

Her face was marked with tears, and her eyes constantly seemed like they were just dried. It was painful to bear.

Once the groceries were put away, my Mom went up to her room, shut the door and continued to cry. Something I couldn't bring myself to do. Every time I closed my eyes I just saw her there, naked masturbating. Then I would see her rolled up into a little ball rocking back and forth.

Perhaps an hour later, I knocked on my Mothers door, despite to just get this behind us somehow. Except I got no response, to disheartened to force the issue, I just walked away. By the time another hour had passed and the sun was mostly set I was determined to get this resolved. The guilt literally felt like it was eating me from the inside out and there was nothing I could do about it. I was scared and I just wanted my mother to hug me and say everything would be okay.

This time when I approached my mother's door. I kept knocking after I got ignored the first time. "Mom, Mom, Mom." I kept repeating gently knocking upon the door, in a way I felt a lot like Sheldon, from the Big Bang theory. Constantly knocking, repeating the person's name. It was on right now, a new episode as well.

We had a little ritual where we would watch it together. At least we did before today. "Mom, come on we need to talk."

"There's nothing to say." Was the eventual response.

"Come on, I'll be down stairs. Big Bang is on. Now hurry up, we are about to miss it all." Ignoring her inane reply completely, I took a page out of every child's book.

Continuously knocking I chanted, "Are you coming?" Over and over until I got the eventual. "Yes I am coming now knock it off." Smiling a little to myself I waited perhaps 4 seconds and started saying. "Hurry up, we're going to miss it." I almost felt normal for a moment right then, like everything would be okay. Then to door opened.

My mom looked like shit. Her face was splotched, hair in complete disarray and it was completely my fault. It was a sobering thought. I really had fucked this one up no denying it.

"Well," she said, stepping past me. "Are you coming?" With nothing to say, I followed her down the stairs.

The episode of Big Bang was rather crap after missing the first bit, there was very little context as to the plot. But in the end that really didn't matter. What mattered was me getting the balls to man up and apologize. This, as all things that matter is easier said than done.

I don't know how long we sat there, saying nothing, while I tried to build up the courage to speak, still unable to look at my Mother. Finally, I became sick of my own cowardice, taking one look at the TV; it was still playing advertisements, I turned it off.

Looking at my mother for the first time since I had followed her down the stairs I could see that her eyes had a distant sort of dazed look. Her knees were pushed up against her chest, chin lying in the small valley created by her knee caps, arms wrapped around them tightly. Opening my mouth, I found myself being cut off as she raised her hand.

"I need a drink." She said getting off of the couch, leaving me sitting there; resolve receding to guilt and frustration at this whole situation only being contained by the amount of self-hatred my conscious was drowning me with.

The wait probably felt longer than it was, but eventually my mother came back with a wine glass that was only half full and a freshly opened wine bottle that was to empty for only one glass to have been poured.

Once again attempting to fortify my nerves in an attempt to get things back to normal, I found myself interrupted by the tears that slowly made their way down my mother's cheek.

Not saying anything I sat there and watched her cry, slowly drinking her way through the wine bottle. Before today I had never actually seen my mother cry even after dad had died, she had been strong. And now I knew everything was falling apart for her.

The realization that anything I might say would only make things worse was hard for me to come to grips with, and yet for some reason I did, and to this day I feel I made the correct decision. The only time I moved was when I got up to get my mother another bottle of wine. Sitting back I watched her steadily work her way through that as well. Her tears hadn't stopped and my guilt hadn't gone away.

"Oh god baby I'm so sorry." For some reason I wasn't sure who she was talking to I was the only other person in the room, and yet for some reason I had the feeling she was talking to someone else.

"What have I done, Daniel I'm so sorry, I'm a failure as a mother. I'm so sorry."

It was then that I moved near her, unable to bear seeing her in so much pain anymore. "No mom," I said wrapping my arms around her, my heart feeling like it was going to fall apart at any moment. "I'm sorry, this was all my fault. I'm so sorry."

I don't know if she heard me because she just kept repeating "I'm so sorry baby." As she cuddled closer into my arms, tears pouring down her face. Wine forgotten.

We stayed like that for a while, the TV off, my mother wrapped in my arms. Eventually her tears stopped flowing and her muttering came to an end but my guilt never went away. This was entirely my fault and I was going to do anything I could to get it back to normal.

Before I realized it, midnight had rolled around, and even though I didn't feel all that tired I realized my mother was drifting off to sleep within my arms.

"Mom," I said gently shaking her, "time for bed. Come-on let's get going."

"Huh, sure Daniel, let's go to bed." My heart kind fo dropped at her groggy reply, calling my father's name.

Guiding her up the stairs I gave her a hug as we stopped at the door to her room. "Good night Mom. I'll see you tomorrow morning." And with that I let go of my mother and made my way to my own room.

"J-James," came her voice. Stopping me in my tracks, my heart suddenly in my throat.

"Yeah. Mom."

"Can you stay with me tonight? Please, I..I feel so alone."

After perhaps 2 heart beats, I responded. "Sure Mom, just give me a minute to get changed." Thoughts running wild.

Crawling into bed with her was a strange experience partly because it was a different bed but mostly because I couldn't help but wondering what she was wearing. Closing my eyes, I tried to firmly banish all thoughts of my naked mother from my mind.

"Good night James." I heard her softly say, between images of her pussy and her firm breast flashing across my eyelids.

"Good night Mom." I replied. Then before I even realized I was going to say it. "I love you."

There was a pause, "I love you too, honey." After which we both proceeded to fall asleep.

I woke up the next morning in a bit of a daze, I knew something was wrong. In my dream I had been sleeping with a beautiful woman, ever so slowly feeling her body, teasing us both until the inevitable would happen. Except when I woke up my dream didn't seem to go away, I could feel a woman against me her soft legs pressed tightly against my own, as my arms encased her in a very natural loving embrace.