I have a girlfriend named Beth. Beth and I had been going out together for about a year now, and that's all we do. We go out. Out for a bite, out to the movies, out to the beach for a swim... just, "out".
We were kind of encouraged to get together by friends at church and friends at school to be boyfriend and girlfriend. So, we did it for those friends, and even families. I mean, Beth and I were friends and all, and probably a lot closer than a lot of romantic friends but there was absolutely nothing romantic between us. Okay, maybe a kiss and a hug now and then, but it was like a brother and sister kissing, and nothing more.
And the reasons why were and are a carefully guarded secret between us.
See, Beth is dealing with feelings for other girls. She hasn't actually come out and told me that she's decidedly lesbian, but she's adamant when she says that she has absolutely no sexual interest in guys. Ironically, I do. I do and I have for quite some time now. And, unlike my "girlfriend" Beth, I've had the pleasure of engaging in sex with a number of other guys that I've met on the internet.
But, my sexual proclivities are not common knowledge. Not even uncommon knowledge, I think. I'm really a closeted gay guy. Beth knows, though, and is the only friend I trust with this knowledge, just as I am for her. So, to turn an interesting and ironic phrase here, Beth and I go out so no one thinks that we're "out".
Have I totally confused you yet?
Now, don't get me wrong, I really like Beth. If I wasn't into giving blow jobs or getting porked in the ass by some big-dicked stud (or even one with a little dick... I'm not picky) then I would definitely consider a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with her
Beth is really cute. Her skin is fair and she has beautiful green eyes, bright rose-colored lips that really need no lipstick, a small, upturned nose and long blond hair. She's a little on the curvy side, with full hips and a J-Lo butt, although her boobs are a little smaller than most guys like. There are even a couple guys in church that have told me that they'd be interested in asking Beth out on a date if she and I ever split up. I've told her this and we both get a laugh out of it. After all, our relationship is all about avoiding other relationships until we're both ready to come out of the closet.
But with the two of us now being in college and legal adults, people are expecting more from Beth and me. "More" in the sense that they expect that Beth should be sporting an engagement ring, or at least a promise ring with a nice little diamond. Beyond our circle of friends, this little hint of discord comes from none other than Beth's mom. She's been getting pretty pushy lately; more so than usual.
Even if Beth and I were both straight and in a relationship headed towards marriage, Beth's mom is the kind of overbearing mother that all husbands dread they'll end up with. Miriam Kennedy is a definite deal-breaker of a prospective mother-in-law if there ever was one.
Mrs. Kennedy has made it a point to hint about the idea of marriage with seemingly every other breath. Beth and I both doubt that it has anything to do with she and I specifically getting together, but that it has more to do with Beth's mom getting to put on a big wedding for her only daughter. We've even kidded that we should get married just so her mom can have the party of her dreams and get it over with, but when we do decide to out ourselves we don't want it to create a huge family rift over the cost of such an extravaganza as Mr. Kennedy is surely planning. Extravaganza or disaster... you pick.
But, there is another person that has been pushing the issue, too. My father.
Despite my efforts to remain closeted , I think that my father has some inkling about my sexual interests. He and I haven't always been the closest of family, but I'll give him credit and say that he tries. And, out relationship has gotten better since I moved out on my own.
Proof is that my father recently asked me over to visit while mom was off with my aunt for a little overnight shopping trip to the Bay Area. Such a trip is usually my father's chance to howl with a night and the house to himself. So his asking me if I wanted to swing by that night to visit for a while mom was out of town definitely was a surprise. The fact that I agreed to it was kind of a surprise in itself, too.
My father is a well-groomed man in his late 40s, with a full head of prematurely gray hair, weathered features from lots of time spent outdoors as a postal carrier, and a pretty trim build from the time spent on his feet. A lot of people say I get my good looks from him. I don't know about that, but at least my father is a decent looking guy.
I showed up as requested to my parent's house, parking on the street in front of it. I went up to the door and knocked, and a moment later there was my father at the door, apparently happy to see me.
"How are you doing, bud?" he asked as I walked in to the house.
"Fine, I guess," I replied, feeling the general level of uneasiness that I'd have any time I had to talk to my father privately. "What dis you want to talk about?"
"Well, I don't want to get anything started unless you can devote some time to me here," he said.
"I have no place else I need to be tonight," I replied.
"Good! Good, son," he said with a brighter smile. "Come on into the family room and let's sit down and at least be comfortable."
I obediently followed my father towards the back of the house to the family room, which is actually a windowless garage conversion with mirrored tiles covering the wall where the fireplace was added. Our reflections looked like a weird mosaic or puzzle, kind of a metaphor for the conversation neither of us seemed prepared for.
My father gestured me to the couch. I sat down on one end while my father took his usual spot on the other end of the sofa. We sat for a moment in silence. I wasn't about to start the conversation; this wasn't my show.
"Son, I wanted you to drop by tonight for a little, you know, talk," My father said. "I just want to clear the air surrounding your relationship with Beth. Specifically, why you two haven't said a word about getting serious, or getting married."
"With all respects, dad," I chose my words carefully, "I think that's more of a personal issue between Beth and myself. We're in no rush to make any commitments that we might... regret later."
"That's an intelligent approach, son," he said, "but is there... anything... you want to talk about?"
"Such as?" I asked, honestly trying not to be rude. "I kind of assumed that I was here at your request. I assumed that you had the questions that I needed to answer."
"Okay," my father said, nodding. "Okay. I think that I should just come out and say what's on my mind, then. I have every confidence that you and Beth are not going to get married."