Give A Name Ch 06

Chapter 6: To What You Are Looking For

Sam awoke the following morning and there was still no Dean and his little talk with his big brother was put on hold, again.

Once again, it was for the best.

Angry didn't describe how Sam felt about his brother, now. The idea of Dean being with someone else never sat well with him. He wanted his brother for himself, because Sam didn't have anyone else or was looking for anyone else. He knew that his brother had some hang ups about their relationship. But Dean was accepting of their love, just not in the way of how Sam wanted them to express it.

Sam got that his brother wasn't an emotional creature. Still, he wanted his brother to be more understanding and open about his feeling with him. Sometimes, it was difficult for Sam to feel or know what Dean was about. Sam knew he sounded like a chick but he wanted his brother to show him love. No romance, maybe a little, but Dean could put a little more effort in their relationship.

The sex appeal was there. No doubt, his brother turned him. Dean could be sprawled out on the bed watching TV, fully clothes and scratching his ass. Making, Sam get jealous of the TV, because it got way more attention from Dean than him. If only his brother could sprawl out like that and watch him with a come-hither stare and Sam would have no reason to leave the motel room.

Especially now, that he was feeling emotionally drained and insecure. When, he couldn't look back to his past or to his present for reassurance. When, all he could see was no light amidst the darkness of his future.

Because, he was Lucifer's meat suit and he was the one to have brought on the apocalypse. Also adding on top of that he wasn't whole as a human being. His soul tainted with demon's blood and the death of his mother and Jess were heavy sins, scarring his soul.

Sam wanted stability and acceptance. He knew that his big brother gave him just that. When ever they were together it felt right. All the dark clouds would drift away and there was blond sunshine and green eyed grass.

It was endearing to known that some how Dean found him important. Dean would offer his life, if it meant saving his. It was important to Dean to keep his little brother safe.

But what about loved?

When, the world made him forget and Sam needed a reason to live on. Why can't his brother make him feel loved? There was a difference between making someone feel loved and love making.

Did his brother even know the difference?

Sam can die peacefully knowing that his brother loved him. But why would he continue to live if that love wasn't shown to him? Then the world would be rid of Lucifer's vessel, there would be peace on earth once more and his soul would be at peace.

So, why was it, so hard for Dean to show him some affection out of bed or tell him that he loves him every now and again? Was that asking for too much? Was he asking for too much?

'I need that reassurance from you, Dean! Not from some God damn curse!' Sam spat to the empty room.

Sam felt beat, it was a little pass eleven and he had tried Dean's cell for the ninth time. On the tenth his brother's cell had been turned off.

What was he doing? They needed to get back to the clinic to see if Morgan had returned from her family in Sioux City.

When Sam showered and dressed to leave to get himself some breakfast to eat. He quickly read through his emails (hopefully Bobby had replied), when his cell phone rang.

It wasn't Dean. It was an anonymous phone number. He let the call go over to voicemail.

He had left their motel in search for food. He was returning from the same Diner, that he and Dean ate in silence, the night before. When, he had to duck from a bird swooping over his head.

The smell of his breakfast was thick in the air, guess the poor thing was looking for a meal. His phone rang again and this time he decided to pick it up. Maybe his brother was calling from another phone.

"Agent Caine..." Sam said balancing his breakfast in one hand along with his fruit shake, while putting the phone to his ear with the other.

"Hello...Caine! This is Luke." Luke said softly into the phone.

Sam nearly dropped his Styrofoam breakfast. Luke's voice sounded deep but wounded, as if Luke had been crying. Now, Sam really wanted to know where his brother was.

"How can I help you, Luke?" Sam said concerned.

Luke took a ragged breath and cleared his throat. "I need to talk to you."

"We're talking now..." Sam hoped that this would be it.

That Luke would take this phone conversation as comfort and nothing else. Though deep down, Sam knew that wasn't what Luke was looking for and neither was he.

He wanted Luke to come over, secretly. He was looking forward to give Luke a call, this morning. Since, last night, he wanted to be around Luke, just to sit and talk with him. To be with someone, who he can share his feelings with and listened to them respond in turn.

"Where you are, now?" said the broken voice.

"Look... how about I come over to the clinic? Besides, has Morgan returned from her family visit, yet?" Sam offered.

"I'm not there. I'm home. Today's my day off." Luke whispered.

That whisper tickled Sam's ear. Man, was he in for some big trouble, if Luke came over.

"We could meet at a cafe or bar or something?" Sam asked rubbing his neck while cradling his phone.

"Or we can meet at my place or yours?" Luke added quickly.

"I just don't want to be seen in public like this. This is eating away at me and I need to tell you something. So, where are you?" Luke moaned into phone.

Sam heard the pain in Luke's voice, felt his heart gave and said, "I am stationed at 'La Petite Crosse' motel, just, left to their Diner on La Crosse St." Sam gave Luke the address and hung up.

His pulse was running a mile a minute. This was a dangerous game he was playing with. But Dean wasn't here. He was some where else probably looking to get his socks off with Linda, the blond home wrecker.

When Sam returned to the motel room, he greeted their plump maid, outside. She was sweeping up, what seemed to be a litter of small furry corpses. It must have come from a bird. There is probably a nest nearby. Sam remembered there was a preserved park not too far from the clinic. Just, across the street from the graveyard, as a matter of fact.

Sam asked if she had a chance to clean their room and she hadn't, apparently she has been cleaning the muck up and was to busy to get to it.

Not to worry, Sam thought after entering his room. He began to straighten up the room while eating his breakfast. He prayed that Dean would either, get here quickly, or stay away, until Luke had left.

He couldn't handle another tennis match between the two.