As if sleeping with my best friend's new boyfriend wasn't enough to make me feel awful he also happened to be my younger brother. As if that wasn't enough, he was the best fuck I ever had!
I lay in my bed guilt ridden now the fun had been had and the realisation of what I had done coursed through me. I rubbed my stomach wishing we had used a condom. I wasn't on the pill β it fucked up my periods and I was single β there was no need; the few guys I did sleep with always used protection.
I moved my hand down between my legs to cover the hole he had treated so well. I could still feel him there and longed for more but I truly, truly didn't think I could handle the contradictory feelings of disgust and desire in my heart.
Sleep came in dribs and drabs and when I woke for work at six thirty, I felt like I had been clubbing all night on Ecstasy cut with a higher percentage of rat poison and drain cleaner than MDMA.
I welcomed my coffee but could barely face a slice of toast. My morning shower helped but I still felt so tired and by the time I reached work I was already longing for my bed.
My fellow colleague's moods were in complete contrast as usual. Most were moaning about that Monday morning feeling while others were still buzzing from their weekends. I was usually in the latter group having always made the most of my weekends. My good mood often didn't falter until Wednesday by which time I was involved in plans for the approaching weekend.
I snapped a few times mostly at my bewildered colleagues but twice to customers on the telephone. I was summoned to my supervisor's office on both occasions when she overheard. I received a light scalding but she was more concerned for the state I was in and nothing more came of it.
"You look a bit like shit today babe." Cheryl sang sympathetically, confirming, Sharon, my supervisor's earlier comments, as she slid into the seat opposite me at dinner bringing with her the copious amounts of food she wedged in herself in one sitting.
I sighed. "I feel it."
"Prob' caught something off that lush brother of yours." She smiled.
"What?" I snapped. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Cheryl jumped at my reaction and briefly looked scared. "He's just come back from travelling the world hasn't he?"
"So?" My heart was racing and I could feel my face burning up with anger and embarrassment. Had Bash plastered it all over the internet? Splashed it on billboards?
"Tropical diseases and that. Jeez Janie, what's got into you?"
My brother! I thought but thankfully kept that to myself though it was probably written all over my face. "Sorry Cheryl." I apologised sinking my face into my hands almost finding the amusement in the situation. "I'm just feeling awful and he's been, err, been doing my head in."
"He could do me in the head." She smiled trying to lighten my mood.
"I'm going home, sorry I snapped Cheryl." I pathetically brushed her hand with no sincerity.
"It's okay." She smiled sympathetically. "I understand."
I felt like screaming at her that she didn't understand and wouldn't have a fucking clue being an only child but I bit my tongue and held back my annoyance. It wasn't her fault after all, but Cheryl was one of those many people that could make you angry by repetitively asking if you were all right when you simply wanted a moment to relax. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I left Cheryl to finish her feast hearing her voice as I walked away but not catching the words unsure whether I was ignoring her or just lost in my self-pity. I saw Sharon and told her my intention to go home and that I'd be back in the morning bright eyed and bushy tailed. She was fine with it and told me to stay away if I didn't feel better. By the time I left the office and could feel the glorious sun soaking into my pores I had made my mind up that I was going to phone in sick tomorrow.
The house was empty when I got home for which I was truly grateful. I tried not to care where Bash was but the thought that I could fall asleep on the sofa or even in my bed only to be woken up by him cumming all over me was vivid in my mind. The thought turned me on but made me feel those unpleasant pangs more so. Still, I changed out of my work clothes and put my dressing gown on before heading back down stairs and lying on the sofa.
Bash did wake me up only this time it was because he was cooking the Thai Green curry he had mentioned the day before. It smelt fantastic and I was feeling much better for catching up on some lost sleep. Strangely, my dressing gown was open and the side that would have naturally fallen covering most of me had miraculously defied gravity and floated up exposing my body in my mismatching underwear. I sat up on the sofa running my hands over my covered breasts over my belly and down across my knickers. I had half expected to find his stickiness somewhere on my person but my fingers had not been burdened by such a thing as they ran smoothly across my skin. Although happy I felt a twang of disappointment. Had Bash looked upon my semi nakedness and not found it as desirable now he had given me a fill?
I wrapped the towelling material around myself and tied the belt in a knot before entering the kitchen to find chopped ingredients on the counter and some simmering away in the wok.
"Hiya." I greeted him rubbing my eye. "Smells good."
"Hey up sleepy head." He smiled. "You were back early, you okay?"
"Felt a bit sick."
"Nothing sicker than playing rape with your...." He started.
"Not yet Bash give me a minute to wake up." I fired. I wasn't in the mood for his quips.
"Do you want some coffee?" He asked flicking on the kettle.
"Now that's exactly what I wanted to hear."
He left his cooking for a moment and kissed me on the cheek before looking into my eyes, straight through to my soul . I looked away to avoid the magnetism I felt toward those deep blues and wondered to the kitchen table.
"I invited Kenzie for some food, hope you don't mind."
WHACK!
I felt like his words had punched me in the belly. Never would I ever have connected Kenzie's name with the feeling of horror that shot through me at that moment.
Bash obviously saw my dismay. "Don't worry about it. If..."
"Don't worry about it?" I interrupted him.
"If you feel a bit weird just go to bed, don't ignore her or she'll know some thing's wrong."
I couldn't believe how calm he was. "But I'm famished Bash I need to eat."
"You can still eat but just pretend it's brought back your bad belly, or something."
"We've been best friends since primary school" I reminded him. " she'll see straight through me."
Bash shook his head. "Just stay cool you'll be fine. Besides, it was a one off wasn't it?"
"Was it?" I asked, a whoosh of relief leaving me feeling not too dissimilar from having been massaged. All, well most, of my tensions lifting from me although the question of whether he still found me attractive rose again.
"Sis' I really like, Kenzie, really I do and I wouldn't mind settling down with her, you know, finish my studies first get a decent job, career rather, lawn mower, pets and then maybe even a few little people a bit later on."
"Really?" I asked surprised.
He thought about it for a moment. "I think so yes, don't get me wrong what we did was wonderful and I'd do it again at the drop of a hat if it hadn't made you feel so bad or if I didn't have Kenzie. I've chased her all my life you know that, I don't want to lose her now."
I shook my head a little confused. "I'm still trying to work you out Bash. You're confusing the hell out of me. Why did you go behind her back if you feel like that? Bear in mind it wasn't with just anyone either."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Confusing myself Janie." He smiled his gorgeous smile but at the same time, I could see the vulnerability of his own heart within it.
We hugged tightly pulling me closer filling me with comfort and reassuring just like our first hug at the airport after three years of not seeing each other. It wasn't long though before innocence had left and I could feel our secret growing inside me and forming against my belly. I stayed for a while until Bash moved away slightly.