Coming through the foyer, John heard his mother crying in the den. That was odd. His mother was so stoic. She never showed her feelings at all. John wondered if she even loved him or his brother. It was not important now, but it had been growing up. She had never been emotionally demonstrative. John could not remember the last time he saw his parents hug, or share a kiss. But that was just mother. Or so he always thought.
John had recently graduated from college and came home for the summer. He was diligently searching for employment but had been unsuccessful as of yet. He had no doubts he would find something, but in the meantime his parents didn't express any problems with him being there. He just took back his old room. His older brother was out of the house and working in a nearby city. He had married and settled into an apartment. So, it was just John and his parents now, Sylvia and Griffith.
His father worked long hours. He always had. His work even kept him away from home for periods of time, ranging from a few days to a few weeks. He worked for a military contractor which supplied computer equipment and the training to go with it. Father was a trainer. In fact, he was away right now on a mission to train some troops at a base in another state. That left John and his mother alone.
He had always known that his mother was beautiful. His friends at school constantly reminded him. She was only eighteen years old when she married. Her first child, John's brother Craig, was born a year later, and then John came along. So she was only forty-three years old now. And she was almost fanatical about staying in good shape. It seemed an obsession sometimes, but it had rubbed off on the two sons. John still kept himself in great condition. And his mother was still the loveliest mother among all of his friends.
Mother had never gone to college. She married her high school sweetheart. Father did go to a good college while mother took care of the apartment and the two boys. She even had a part-time job to help with the college expenses. They were lucky. When father completed his degree in computer sciences he found work with the company he still worked for. His rise was steady, as was his income, but he also was spending more and more time away from home.
The boys never really knew him, nor did they have any special feelings for him. Mother, on the other hand, was different.
Her distance from them always hurt. But they grew out of it. They both did well in school, went to good colleges, and were alright now. And Mother was still distant, cool, and unemotional. They both just recognized that their mother was not like the other mothers who were always hugging their children and praising their efforts, with a smile on their faces.
And now, for the first time ever, that he could remember, his mother was expressing emotion. And it was manifesting itself in crying. What could she be unhappy about. His father being away again? Perhaps. Even though he felt he might be intruding, and not knowing if his presence would be welcome, John went into the den and saw his mother supine on the leather sofa. She had her face covered, and her lovely hair was spread out on a throw pillow underneath her head.
"Mother? Am I intruding? Can I do something for you?"
It startled her. She sat up abruptly, looking oddly at her son, and wiping away the tears.
"Oh. No John. It's really nothing. Just a bit blue. It'll pass. Thanks anyway."
So John nodded and went away. He went to his room. He decided to take a shower. It had been a long day. He had interviewed at three businesses in the nearby city. He felt he had done well, but would still have to wait to see if he got any callbacks. He was still wondering about Mother. It didn't seem that she had been truthful with him. Being a bit blue didn't seem part of her character.
When he came downstairs for dinner he noticed that the dinner table had not been set. He wondered where Mother was. He decided to check the den again, and found her still there. She was now sitting with her legs crossed, but with her face in her hands. Her sobbing was more quiet now, but it was obvious that this couldn't go on. His mother was not like this. He thought to himself that his mother needed some help.
John went to the sofa and sat down with his mother. She felt his presence and then placed her arms around him. As she cried into his shoulder he could feel the trembling of her warm body. This was the first time in many years that he had touched his mother. Even under the circumstances it felt very good. He was surprised at how much he had missed having the touch of his mother. He stroked her long, brown hair and just held her.
Finally, she let go of him and then stood up. She began pacing around the book lined den, on the damask rug, and her ballet slippers made no sound, but her legs were lovely. He couldn't help noticing. She had a spectacular body, and it showed in the white silk blouse and black cotton skirt that swirled around her knees. At last, with a sigh of acceptance, she turned to John and spoke.
"This is terribly embarrassing to me. I shouldn't be talking to you this way. But I have no one else to talk to. I've never had any close friends in this town. I've never been close to your father. That's the biggest problem. That's why I am so ashamed to tell you this. But I have to tell someone. I think it will drive me crazy if I keep it in any longer."
John was a little frightened, but also quite proud that his mother should have such confidence in him.
"Mother, I'm not about to tell you what's best for you. I couldn't begin to know what your life has been like. You must know that we've all wondered why you were so cool at all times, and never showed emotion. But I'm your son. I'll do anything I can to help you. Family always comes first. Craig thinks that and so do I."
"Please know this, John. I've always loved you and Craig. I tried to love your father. I did. But he never let me in. It was a mistake to marry him in the first place. I had no idea at the time what he was like. But we both were young, and really had no business trying to make a family. This may be difficult for you to hear, but you two boys were mistakes. I never intended to have children after your father and I had been together for a few months. I could see then that we would never love each other. In fact, I think you father is gay. Does that shock you? It shouldn't. Back in the time we married many gay men didn't come out for years and years, and many married and had families. After you two were born we never had sex again. I had my tubes tied just in case."
