Note:
This story is
not
a continuation of my previous story,
Home Again: Coffee Confidential
. My intention is for '
Home Again'
to serve as a series of vignettes about adult children living with their parent(s) again after separation and the culmination of long held desires.
****
Home Again: New Year's Acquiescence
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, we've been drinking and, given your... fascinations... with me... we probably shouldn't," my mother responds, looking up at me, her arms around my neck, her body pressed into mine as we swayed to the music.
"God, Mom, it's not like that, it's just... nice... having you in my arms. I thought it would be nice to share a kiss," I tell her, honestly. Well, okay, mostly honest. It is nice having my mother in my arms and I do want to share a tender kiss with her to mark the occasion. But also, it is, at least partially, 'like that.'
We left her neighbor's New Year's Eve party not long after the ball dropped and began our short trip up a few floors when Mom surprised me in the elevator, taking a swig from the bottle of champagne her friend insisted we take with us and telling me she wasn't really tired yet and thought maybe we could share a dance before going to bed. So here we are slowly dancing around her living room, holding each other, bodies pressed together. The wall-to-wall windows of her waterfront high rise condo frame fireworks exploding over the moonlit bay. Kaleidoscopic swatches of color bathe the living room in increasingly random intervals as midnight grows more distant and the celebratory blasts begin to slow. It would be a nice memory and an innocent enough moment for most mothers and sons to share a kiss, but most sons haven't lusted after their own mother for a decade, and most mothers aren't aware of their son's feelings. But I do. And she is.
My mother smiles, looking up at me, and the flecks in her eyes catch in the explosive bursts of color. Not exactly tipsy, more very relaxed, the champagne obviously having its intended effect. "It would be 'nice,' wouldn't it, are you sure that's all it is, just a nice kiss? I don't want you to take it as a sign that... I've changed my mind..." she explains, one hand casually brushing my hair out of my face. She feels so good in my arms. Petite and only chest high. So cute. So pretty. So sexy. Still.
College had given us a wide buffer after Mom confronted me about my feelings towards her that fateful day during my senior year of high school. I never knew which she discovered, my browsing history and collection of bookmarked mother/son incest stories, my stash of her used panties, or had she caught me peeking on her in the bathroom we shared? She never said and I didn't have the nerve to ask that day she sat me down and told me she knew I had sexual thoughts about her. A hormonal 18 year old, I had been incautious, not realizing I wasn't as good at hiding things as I thought, especially my feelings.
Perhaps because Mom is a nurse, she wasn't overly emotional about her discovery, she plainly and patiently explained that she was aware this happens and she expected it was a phase that I would soon grow out of. I knew better, my infatuation with her was older and deeper than she obviously suspected, but I was in no position to argue. I accepted her explanation, her reinforcement of boundaries, and her declaration that nothing would, or could, ever happen between us. I was beyond relieved that was the extent of it, no yelling, no tears, no condemnation, and no damage. Just love and understanding which I was truly grateful for, but also felt unworthy of, after all it was 'on me,' my fault for having those feelings, so I readily accepted the blame, thankful Mom wasn't hurt. But also, of course, I was ultimately disappointed that Mom didn't share my feelings and immediately hop into my arms and invite me to join her in bed.
"I know, Mom. I'm not expecting anything. I was just hoping for a kiss," I tell her. This part is honest. I wasn't expecting anything. I had long ago packed away my hopes of anything actually happening between us. But the taboo excitement of possibility still runs deep and I feel my cock stir.