How Did You Know 1

If your daughter sets you up for the sexual encounter of your life, is it Incest? Well, I’ve wondered about that too!

“Do you miss sex?” Beth asked.

“WHAT?” I asked incredulously.

“I dunno, I’m just askin’.” Beth said quietly.

“Bethany, that’s a little out of line.” I said, and jerked the steering wheel to the left. Damn near drove off the road when she said that.

I noticed her fingering her necklace. The necklace her mother and I had given her years ago when she graduated from High School. She always had it on, and long ago we’d noticed that if she was anxious or nervous about something, she’d play with it as she was doing now.

It was the Christmas Day, well, the night of Christmas day, and fairly late. We had just spent the day with family and it had snowed the whole time. Beth had had a few glasses of wine, and felt she shouldn’t be driving by herself, so I was taking her home.

The first Christmas without her mother, my wife of thirty five years, and it had gone much smoother than I thought it would. They say the year of firsts is the toughest, and to be honest Christmas was something I dreaded. Each birthday, anniversary, the various holidays throughout the year, all of it was bad, and I was relieved to realize that I was almost at the end of the first year. I must be honest though, each day was no better or worse than the last, and I was beginning to question if there was some magic feeling that would overtake me as the first anniversary of her death came and went. Maybe the people that had coined the phrase “the year of firsts” knew something I didn’t, and I was anxious about the date coming up because I was cautiously optimistic that my life would change for the better. As it was; my life seemed pretty dull, and dreary.

There’s something else you need to know too. When Polly died in a car wreck I was instantly aware of people’s well intentioned stupidity. Don’t really know how else to put it other than that. My own mother, a day after the funeral, told me how young and good looking I was and I’d find another soon enough. To be honest, I’ve not had three words with her since then. Most people want to make you feel better, find something profound to say in the hope that it will lift your spirits. Most of them fail miserably. Even the grief counselors, who worked with us didn’t seem to get a handle on the depth of our pain, and would go off into “idle speak” where words are coming out of their mouths and jumping into our ears with no affect what-so-ever in easing the pain. My son, my daughter, and myself, all had had those moments with well intentioned “friends.”

The best thing anyone said to me was a neighbor, “Phil, I don’t know what to say, I can’t relate to your loss, but know this: I’m right there (as he pointed to his house), and if you need anything, you just ask.” Funny, he’s the first one I got really drunk with about a month later. I cried for hours and he just sat there with his arm around me, silently, dutifully, and let me have my moment. Now there’s my kind of guy.

So I’m driving my slightly tipsy daughter home, who’s obviously had just enough to drink to loosen her tongue. She just spoke of what most people only think about, and I’m absolutely dumbfounded. Oh well I thought, chalk it up to the booze.

“Dad, I’m not trying to hurt you, but as a divorcee, I’m just saying, I miss the sex. Don’t miss the hassle and the fights, but I miss the sex.” Apparently she wasn’t going to drop the subject.

“That’s more information than I need.” I said a little testily.

We rode in silence for a bit and felt relief as we pulled onto her street and slowed down for her driveway.

“You know what else?” She asked.

“Probably not.” I said, now getting a little more than pissed.

“I think a woman invented the vibrator. Men couldn’t be that kind.”

“God-damn it Beth, that’s enough, that’s certainly a visual I didn’t need. You got your keys?” I glared at her.

She smiled, held up her keys, and opened the door. Leaning across the seat she kissed me on the cheek and said: “Thanks for the lift dad, I’ll see ya later.”

Relieved when she slammed the door, I waited to make sure she got into the house okay, backed out of the driveway, and headed the seven miles back home. Good God what was she thinking I wondered.

By the time I got home it was pretty quiet. My son and his wife had left with their little girl, and my brother and his wife were just heading to bed. I was so glad they had decided to come and spend the holiday with us. They’d arrived a week before Christmas and it had been nice to have the house full of noise, the smell of baking cookies and all the hustle and bustle that went along with getting ready for Christmas. Their three children were so full of life and I loved the noisy racket they brought with them.

Tom and Sherry would fly home in the morning, and I’d be back to an empty house, which I dreaded.

“Want one more drink?” Tom asked as he poured himself one.

“Sure, why not.” I replied.

We sat down in the living room in front of the fire, neither saying a word, but just stared into the fire place for a bit.

“I’m glad we came out Phil.” My brother said.

“Me too, and I’ll admit that while it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, I can’t imagine how it would have been without you guys here. Thanks again for coming.”

“Not a problem.” Tom said and we both got quiet again.

A few moments later Tom’s wife Sarah came into the room carrying her own drink, and quietly sat next to me on the couch. Putting her arm around me she squeezed my shoulder, smiled, and said; “Merry Christmas Phil, you doing okay?”

“Yeah I guess. I mean what can I say? I’m just glad it’s over. Kids seem okay, and I was worried about them. I’m so grateful you guys were here.”

Sarah leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and smiled.

“We were glad to do it hon.” She said, and then looking at my brother finished, “I’m going to bed Tom; I’m beat and tomorrow will be a long day for all of us. Damn I wish we didn’t have a six hour layover in Chicago.” She finished, got up, gave Tom a kiss, and headed down the hallway to bed.

I glanced after her walking down the hallway and caught myself looking at her ass as she glided away from us. Good Lord, Beth’s right, I do miss the sex I thought, and then glanced back at Tom who thankfully didn’t notice me eyeballing his wife.

We finished our drinks, said goodnight to one another and after a brotherly hug went to bed. The next morning things got a little hectic. We were about a block from home when their youngest daughter realized her doll was missing, and after retrieving it got back on the road to the airport. I wanted to go into the terminal with them but Tom reminded me that with all the security it would be a mad house anyway, so I dropped them at the curb and headed back home.

My cell phone rang and it was Beth wanting to know if we’d made it on time and after I told her we had, she went on:

“Dad, I know the house is a mess, and I’m pretty much off until after the first of the year, so you want some help cleaning up?” She asked.

“You bet,” I replied, relieved that she was willing to help out. The last ten days had created quite a mess around the place, plus I wanted the decorations down, bedding washed and all the other thousand things that needed to get straightened away now that Christmas was over.

“You wanna pick me up on your way by here?” She asked. “My car is still at your place.”

“Sure, I should be there in about twenty-five minutes.” I said and after our good byes, hung up.

Arriving at her house I gave a quick toot on the horn and Beth bounded out looking much better than when I had seen her last. She wasn’t a morning person, so I was pleased to see she was bright eyed and bushy tailed as she opened the door and climbed in.

“Mornin’,” she said, and leaned over to kiss me.

“Mornin’ hon,” I replied.

“So is it going to snow more?” She asked and then said, “I’m sick of shoveling this crap already, I sure don’t want any more.”

“According to the weather, we’ll get a couple days break, and maybe more snow on the weekend.”

“Great, the boys will be back then, and I’ll have some help.” She started, and then finished with, “You hungry?”

“Yeah, I’ll fix something when we get home.”

“Good, I’m starved.”

We rode in silence then, driving through the subdivisions, tires squeaking on the new snow, and shading our eyes from the bright light of the sun glaring off the surrounding areas. Occasionally someone would be out in their driveway shoveling and wave as we went by. It was one of those peaceful days, full of promise and energy that if you worked it right, by night fall you’d be exhausted and more than ready to sleep. God knows I needed to sleep better than I had been; maybe tonight would be that night.

When we got home Beth went back to the bedrooms and began stripping the beds while I went into the kitchen, fixed bacon and eggs and called to her as the toast popped up.

“It’s ready,” I hollered down the hallway.

“Okay, be right there,” she responded.

We sat and ate, made small talk and decided that we should stick to it all day and get everything done. I was pleased she’d decided to stay and said so.

“That’s okay, I guess after running my mouth last night, I owe ya.” Beth said.

“Let’s not go there again, K?” I asked.

“Whatever,” she said and not too sweetly.

She picked up her dishes, put them in the sink, and then headed back down the hallway to continue the cleaning.

The day went quickly enough. All the decorations came down, the living room and family rooms were put back together with their normal things, and soon enough it was late afternoon.

“I’m famished,” Beth said coming into the living room where I was vacuuming.

I shut the machine off and asked her if she’d like to have pizza brought in. Beth said yes and within the hour the pizza was delivered to the door.

We both decided to have beer with the pizza, and after some more small talk Beth looked straight at me with a serious look on her face.

“You’re still pissed about last night aren’t you?” She asked.

“Not really mad,” I said, “but a little embarrassed about it I suppose.”

“Can I press this?” She was staring at me with an expressionless face, but her eyes bore into me with a hint of anger.

“I’d prefer you didn’t.” I replied.

“What you prefer and what you’ll tolerate are two different things.” She observed.

Well, that was true enough. Our children had always been told that no subject was taboo, or couldn’t be discussed when they wanted to talk about something, and this was obviously something she wanted to talk about.

“So why do you want to know that?” I asked quietly.

“I guess you need to answer the question.” She replied.

“Do I miss sex? Yes, I suppose I do, but more than that, I miss holding her. I dunno Beth, I go to sleep in a cold bed, in the middle of the night I roll over and find the spot where your mother slept cold and that wakes me up. The alarm goes off in the morning and I shake a cold pillow awake instead of her. I miss the cuddling ya know? I never realized how much I’d miss wrapping my arms around her just for the sense of belonging. The world was a better place with her here and I’m not so sure if I’ll ever get used to this.”

“So you do miss it, is that right?” Beth asked.

“Well of course I do, but it’s the afterwards part that I really miss. So why do you need to know this?” I looked directly at her as I asked.

“Well, don’t get pissed, but the other day you were the subject of a talk I had with my girlfriends.”

“Really?” I asked quite incredulously.

“Remember last week when my friends and I went out for dinner?” She asked, and I nodded my head.

“Well, we were talking about what we missed most of all by not being married.” She started.

“Wait a minute, of the five of you, two are still married.” I reminded her.

“Yes, but… well okay it was Tiffany, Becky and I that really talked it over, the others listened to us. Well, at the end they joined in ‘cause, well shit dad, I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Tell me what?” I’m concerned now. I’m getting this feeling of impending doom but don’t quite know which direction the disaster is coming from.

“Wait a minute,” Beth started, “I don’t want to screw this up.”

She took the last bit of pizza, chewed slowly, and then chased it down with a swallow of beer.

“Can we have a smoke?” She asked.

“Sure,” I said, and slid the pack to her.

She lit a cigarette, took a deep drag, lifted her beer, and after swallowing it, slowly exhaled.

“Okay, here’s how it went, and please don’t interrupt me.”

“We’re sitting there and someone, it might have been Beck, started bitching about men and sex. I mean we’re all playing this dating game, and none of us is thrilled about it. So we were talking about the things we missed, and what we really didn’t miss at all.”

“Things we don’t miss are picking up after our husbands, doing all the cooking when we work too, always doing the laundry, that kind of thing. It was getting pretty nasty and bitchy when Tiff said that there was one good thing she missed, and we all looked at her.”

“I miss getting laid,” Tiff said, and then went on with, “I miss not having to get out of bed, get dressed and then drive home, or worse getting laid and not having to walk the guy to the door because he’s nervous as hell wanting to get away from me ‘cause he’s just popped his nuts, and wants to get as far away from me as he can. With my husband, sex was great, and when it was done we both got to go to sleep in the bed we’d just made love in. Now I’ll grant ya, he’s an asshole about everything else, but the concept of getting fucked and then going to sleep in the same bed is nice.”

“We all laughed about that, and talked a little more when someone asked me how you were doing. I said fine for the most part, but you have your bad days too, and she says; ‘No, no, I mean about sex, is he getting any?’

“I was a little surprised, but said I’d never thought about it and she said, “Well, I’ve thought about it, and I’ve thought about it with him, and I’d do him in a heartbeat.”

“Who said that?” I asked.

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you.” Beth said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well, I’m getting to that, please don’t interrupt, this is harder than I thought it would be.” Beth paused for a moment.

“Can I have another beer?” She asked.

I got up to get another beer and grabbed one for myself too. I shouldn’t be even thinking about this much less talking about it, but the subject was intriguing to say the least. I returned to the table and handed Beth her beer.

“Okay, so the ice was broken, and we’d probably had enough to drink to loosen our tongues, but the conversation finally ended up with we’re pretty sure that you’re not having sex and there are three women that want to have it with you.” Beth said evenly, and then added, “But not all at the same time.”

I stared at my daughter, but said nothing.

“So we came up with a plan and while all of us agreed on how to go about it, there are only three women who will do it. Actually the fourth one wants to, but doesn’t think she could live with the guilt.” Beth paused, staring at me, and then shrugged her shoulders.

“Interesting.” I observed.

“What is?” Beth asked.

“You’ve just told me that I know four women who want to have sex with me, for sex’s sake only, and that two of them are married.” I looked steadily at Beth.

“Not really dad, there are five women that want to but only three have the guts.” She said and dropped her eyes.

“Beth?” I asked gently, “Explain that.”

“Shit dad, you’re a good looking guy, I told you last night I miss sex, so I’ve thought about it, so what? I mean don’t be mad, I know you’d never be able to do anything about me, but I’m being honest here that’s all.”

“And the married women? You think I should do that?” I asked.

“Dad, you need to do what you need to do, but I think you’ll understand when I tell you that you’ll never know who it is, even after you’ve done it, or her or them, or… Never mind.”

“Are you trying to tell me that I can have sex with a woman and never know who it is? I think that’s a bit of a stretch don’t you?”

“Not at all dad. Look, you’re room is dark as pitch. You couldn’t find the floor in there unless you fell on it. I’ve never understood how you and mom found your way around when it was dark and all the blinds and curtains were closed. It would be easy for a woman to slip in there, have sex, and leave without you ever knowing who it was.”

“Well, there are a few body differences between these women. I think I could tell.” I said.

“Not really. Tiff and Becky are built alike, while Nancy, Kelly, and I are all the same size. In fact think about it. Tiff and Beck both have the same hair style. Nancy, Kel, and I do too. You have one out of two women one way and one out of three women the other.”

“You’re included?” I asked.

“Oh no, sorry. I guess its one out of two either way isn’t it. But you’d never know who, and she’d never tell a soul.”

“Too late for that.” I said.

“What do you mean?” Beth asked

“I know who they all are, and they all know who’s willing to do it, so how could any of it be a secret?”

“Good point I guess. Well, does it matter? I mean Dad, you’d get laid.”

“Is that the point? I need to get laid? Come on Beth, this is too ridiculous to imagine in the first place. I’ve known all these girls since they were little, which, come to think of it, isn’t that long ago. I don’t know how you could even go there with them, in the conversation I mean.”

“Dad, I love you. I told you, it’s a dating bitch out there. You’re the kind of guy women look for and most importantly you’re safe.” Beth finished.

“Safe?” He inquired.

“Yes, God dad, AIDS, HIV, whatever, you’re as safe as they get.”

“Well, your two married friends are safe too if they’re not fucking around on their husbands.” I was a little testy now, but held back what I really wanted to say.

“You’re right, but think about it okay? I’m only asking that you think about it, because there are some women who really want an answer, and they’re just as adamant.”

“I think we can change the subject now,” I said, and got up, headed to the kitchen, downing my beer as I went. “You ready to go home?” I asked.

“Sure.” Beth said as she got up and retrieved her coat.

I drove her home then and very little was said. Beth felt she’d ruined everything, but I was beginning to wonder silently if maybe what had been proposed could actually happen.

For two days nothing really did occur. Beth’s boys got home from their Christmas stay with their father, and life seemed to drift back to normal, if there was any such thing as normal I thought.

We talked twice on the phone and both times Beth brought the subject up. At first I feigned anger, but did admit to her that the thought was intriguing. I’d never tell her that masturbation was filling me with more guilt than the thought of fucking her friends, but that’s where I was headed. I’d actually started to fantasize about it. Nancy specifically I guess. She was a knock out, and her body was one nice piece of work, well actually she and Kelly both had the same bodies, but they were the ones I liked. Large breasts, small waists and just right legs. It was just that Nancy had a way to look at you with those sultry eyes and that “Fuck me” look on her face as she glanced at you which very few women could pull off. I was already secretly hoping it would be her. Problem was; she came with a husband.

The following Friday afternoon the phone rang just as I came through the door.

“Dad?” It was Beth.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I asked.

“Wanna go get some beer and pizza?” She asked.

“What about the boys?”