Author's Note:
All sexual activity is between characters that are 18 or older. This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to real persons, places or events is purely coincidental. The below is not intended to serve as a guide for real-life sexual encounters or relationships. Stay safe, happy and healthy! :-)
As always, feel free to reach out with any feedback!
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06 • Diagnosis
I had no choice but to see a professional.
After I was stabbed, we hid out on Alicia's family farm. There were minor -- insignificant -- memory lapses and the most subtle moments of madness back then. But the hallucination on the train, the imagined conversation with Sian and the appearance of 'Jane' were episodes of full-blown psychosis.
Much of it could be attributed to stress or even insanity, but somehow I had managed to intuit the existence of Alicia's half-sister.
"The subconscious mind is truly incredible," the psychiatrist remarked. He was an ancient man with youthful energy, three doctorates -- none of them honorary -- and an easy demeanour. Despite more than a little unmistakable charm behind his smile, his face was cadaverous. His dark hair was undisturbed by age, full and thick... Probably because he was wearing a wig.
We were in a nondescript room in Dubai, with our plane having just landed and a convoy of two-dozen blacked-out SUVs having delivered us to some soulless penthouse we'd be renting for our stay. I remembered landing in Singapore months ago and falling in love with the city, and I felt no such love for this new place as the man interrogated me, and I had nothing to look at except him and the gaudy skyline.
"I'm not here to make you feel better, Mr Orwell," he said bluntly. "I'm here to find out what's wrong with you and fix it."
"There's a difference between the two?"
"Yes."
"What's the difference?" I asked.
The shrink started colouring something on his notepad. As we spoke, he'd been doodling, which I found moderately annoying, but it helped him formulate his probing questions, and I wanted him to ask the right ones. I wanted to get better, stop hallucinating, and arrest my descent into madness.
"Why do these visions only happen in South Africa?" the doctor asked, alluding to the last time my imagination got carried away. "Why do they only happen when you're close to your bodyguard's childhood home?"
"She's my chief of staff," I corrected.
"But her primary task remains protecting you... So, why do the hallucinations only ever happen when you're near where she grew up? Is it because you both had predatory fathers, perhaps?"
Shaking my head, I exhaled and accepted that I had to work with this man. I had to be honest. "I can't be sure my father was a creep," I explained, but the shrink wasn't buying it.
"As I said, Mr Orwell, the subconscious mind is remarkable. You may not have direct proof, but you've collected enough clues to have made a conclusion. You could, of course, ask your mother if he molested and abused her, but you've already made up your mind that he did. In the same way, you figured out Alicia Le Roux has a half-sister..."
Setting his pen and pad aside, the therapist reached for something: A bottle of red wine.
"You want us to have a drink?"
"No, Mr Orwell, I want you to remember being on Alicia's family farm -- a winery -- and enjoying some of their product. For example, this bottle of merlot has three figures on the label: One man, one woman, and one child."
"Her father designed it," I guessed. "For Alicia and her mother?"
"Don't play dumb."
I took a deep breath. "You're right. They left him, so if he dedicated anything to his wife and daughter, it would have been a new wife and a new daughter... Jane and her mother. Alicia told me she'd killed the last man who tried to hurt her -- she said so when we were held captive -- but I knew it wasn't her father. I knew she'd never kill to protect herself or seek revenge, but she would easily defend someone she loved. I guessed that person was this half-sister I'd never met or even heard of, considering that Alicia doesn't seem to have many other friends and no other family."
The shrink reminded me of my earliest hallucinations. I recalled being on Alicia's family farm and picking up a photograph in my room -- a photograph that disappeared as soon as I set it down. The people in that picture were arranged in the same way as the figures on the label, which led to my subconscious deductions.
Once I accepted this, the psychologist nodded and carried on. "Very good, but the half-sister's name isn't Jane. Her name is Nicole Le Roux, and she is indeed incarcerated in South Africa. But I don't want to talk about her real name or the real half-sister... I want to talk about the name you invented for your hallucination."
"Jane? I must've seen it somewhere..."
"The name Sian is a variant of Jane," the shrink instructed. "These two hallucinations represent the same thing. Sian appeared in your dreams as Hamlet's
father
and 'Jane' is Alicia's half-sister on her
father's
side."
I couldn't help but snort. Don't get me wrong, I believe in psycho-analysis, but I found this line of reasoning reductive. "So, it all comes down to my daddy issues? Be more creative--"
"I'm not talking about your state of mind, Mr Orwell. I'm talking about your thinking on a very logical level. They haven't told me everything, but I know you're confronted with a threat you don't fully comprehend and that your father was somehow involved. Your subconscious can't stop trying to piece it all together."
This was interesting. "I need to take my dreams seriously because they might be the result of some incredibly complex process in the back of my mind?"
"Yes."
"Still, my thoughts are running away with me. I'm dangerously close to being delusional."
"Yes."
"If I can't trust myself, how can my sisters trust me? How can anyone trust me?"
"I've interviewed everyone," the doctor assured. "I can promise you that your relationships are genuine, Mr Orwell. You are beloved, and you adore those who adore you. But these limitless relationships are something I must caution against. I can't tell you to stop, but you have to be careful."