I have been watching porn for a long time. After my husband died, I felt very lonely. Living alone in a house with all the good memories, without the presence of a man. Excessive depression, isolation, running away from society, and of course my husband's good financial situation, led me to resign from my job and become a boring housewife.
After Tobias's death, my life saw lots of dark days. For the first few months, I just cried, did not eat, and did not leave the house. I was very attached to my husband and twenty-five years of love life were my greatest happiness. We had a romantic life and rarely fought. We had known each other since high school and I got pregnant unintentionally before the age of 19!
Tobias was our neighbour's son in a small German town. We were in the same class from the early days of high school, and we spent a lot of times together because of the common home-to-high school route. Tobias's good manners and high energy attracted me and we soon had our first kisses. When we started having our first sex, we did not think about pregnancy at all. We used condoms, but condoms could not stop Stefan from entering this world!
Anyway, 22 years have passed since my unwanted but sweet pregnancy. I have not had a fight with my family for 22 years, and Stefan's grandparents have always loved this child. Stefan was our only child and we got married exactly on his father's 19th birthday. Tobias was three months younger than me. Tobias is not here now and Stefan is, but he's busy with his life, and I'm trapped and sad in my dream home.
My name is Claudia and I am 41 years old. Actually, a depressed 41-year-old woman addicted to porn, lonely and a sloppy woman who only spends the days and nights. When I look in the mirror at Claudia, I see all the 15 kilos she has lost in the past year under her tired eyes.
Today is a normal Saturday for me, Saturdays which were spent in the presence of Tobias with love and fun and life, and now limited to just a few hours of browsing pornographic websites and masturbation and sometimes crying. I think I have been watching porn for about a few months now and I have become familiar with the strange world of porn.
There are several categories of porn and I have looked at most of them. I used to browse websites in surprise and everything was strange to me. From weird anal sex to deep-throat fucking (which I think is normal now!) to lesbian armpit licking and drinking sperm and even urine! At first when I was a little scared of some porns, but now I'm looking for weirder things.
When I feel more desolated, I go to the romantic and erotic parts, but when only lust and sexual need awaken in me, I use forbidden things such as threesome sex or even intercourse with the elderly. There are some strange fucks on the internet, can a 65-year-old woman have such sex? Is there a young man who wants to have a relationship with an old woman? Does his penis wake up for such women at all? I had and still have many questions, but porn has become a big part of my life now.
I will not explain further and I will tell you the main point of my story. After months of loneliness, Stefan was finally scheduled to return to his old home. He lives in a city far from home and has a wonderful life with his girlfriend. We are always connected via the internet and we have video calls almost several times a week. He is the only one I have not turned away from. He has always helped me and is definitely the second most beloved man in my life. I am always proud of him and I believe that the best result of my life is Stefan himself. He is a self-made and strong man and he can achieve anything he wants.
Stefan is scheduled to return home this evening and we are about to see each other after four months. Hannah and Stefan, who have a good relationship and are both journalists, are coming to my house today. They are my guests for dinner and they spend the whole Sunday in our city and finally return to their city on Monday. Stefan took a leave of absence on Monday to be with his depressed mother. I tried to show myself happy in front of him, but I am sure he knows his mother well and is aware of my bad mood.
I woke up on Saturday morning and watched my morning porn. Over the past few months, I have found many porn stars and I really like some of them. I do not feel lesbian and I do not like to be with them, sexually! But I like their bodies and behaviour and sometimes I put myself in their shoes. I follow a lot of porn stars, for example, sometimes I like more innocent faces like Kiara Mia and Kendra Lust and Veronica Avluv and sometimes I am provoked by the mischief of Rayveness and Angela White and Lisa Ann. Some women are perfect in my opinion, and if one day I want to have surgery on my body, I will definitely choose to be like some of them, for example, Alena Croft, which is a complete package for me!
Now that I have been watching porn for several months and I have seen different categories, I realize that I am completely satisfied with my past. Why? Given that I see a lot of young girls on these sexy pages, none of them tempts me to watch, and all my favourite pornstars are so-called MILFs! This shows that deep down, I still need sex and maybe I will put myself in their shoes. I do not know, maybe not.
I climaxed after watching a porn clip from Veronica Avluv. My masturbation peaked when a black cock entered Veronica's anus and the camera zoomed in on her happy face. I have never had anal sex and I am sure this type of relationship will be dangerous for me. These actresses are really artists and anal sex is not everyone's ability, especially with this intensity!
I relieved myself and took a shower. I was a little happy to have guests. I have not had any happiness other than porn for a long time. Neither books nor movies nor music makes me happy. But today I was happy with my son and his girlfriend and I wanted to see them sooner. I had some lunch, went in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I applied a light makeup, chose a casual long back dress and got ready for the guests. It was 7 o'clock when the doorbell rang.
I opened the door, Hannah had knocked on the door, and Stefan was still picking up things from the trunk. I had only seen Hannah once before, a girl with blonde hair, freckled skin, short stature and a slender body. She had red lipstick and a light shade of red shadow on her eyes. I opened the door, Hannah hugged me and put a small kiss on my cheek. Wow, what an energetic and evil girl!
I smiled at Hannah and hugged her. Stefan took the things out of the car and while I was holding Hannah in my arms, my eyes fell on my son. A handsome man with short blond hair, medium height and slightly protruding belly. Stefan was obese as a child and this belly is a relic of his childhood! I still loved him like the days I breastfed him; Just as innocent and just as lovely.
I let go of Hannah, my smile dried on my face, and Stefan approached me. I missed him so much. Involuntarily, I took a few steps towards him and hugged him. Stefan's hands were full and he could not hug me back. He just smiled at me and kissed my face.
"Hello, Mom. Good afternoon!"
"Hi Stefan, you are very welcome."
We took the belongings home with Hannah and sat in the hall. I brought them some beers and we talked. Gradually I felt better, seeing Hannah and Stefan gave me good motivation, and I had not had such a feeling for months. I tried to look at both of them while talking about the young couple's work and life, but it really didn't work.
Unconsciously, my eyes were focused on Stefan, and I could not take my eyes off his beautiful face. Stefan had a normal face, a relatively large nose, normal but green eyes, and masculine, rough lips. He always had a beard and kept that look since high school. A polite boy, with the great character and firmness that every mother aspires to have.
We kept talking, we talked about everything and time passed very quickly. Stefan loved Hänchen-Schnitzel and I had prepared that for him. We ate and continued talking. While talking, I found out about the extreme love between these two people. Stefan really loved Hannah and caressed her hand many times that night. The clock showed 11 and fatigue was evident in Stefan's eyes. After all, driving a long distance of several hours tires every human being, even my energetic son!
Hannah got up, kissed Stefan's hair, and headed for the bathroom. Every romantic movie of these two people motivated me and made me happy. I have not seen "love" up close for a long time! Happiness and sadness filled my whole being. I could not stop myself and tears welled up in my eyes.
