Some days the events that caused my sorrow seem like a very bad dream that will end as soon as I wake up. Other days nothing about what's happening seems real because I'm too numb to think and won't allow my mind to 'go there.' Then there are times when the pain is so raw that I feel like I can't get out of bed. I was all too familiar with the feelings of misery.
As I woke up on my side, in front of Erik, I could feel the storm that raged in my mind subsiding, giving me relief and clarity. He was deeply asleep, I realized, and still he still held me in his arms like I was the only thing that mattered.
****
I am not a profound man nor am I a philosophical man. To me, dreams are sporadic memories--floating pieces of consciousness--that when combined might perhaps tell a full story but seldom did so and as such, I rarely cared about them or what meanings they held.
Last night, however, my dreams were more vivid and clear than any I could remember; still only snapshots and puzzle pieces, but vivid and memorable. I dreamed of Chloe. I dreamed of looking down at her lightly freckled face staring up at me while we made passionate love. I had never seen Chloe fully naked--although I had seen everything--and my unconscious mind connected the images together and recreated her as she lay before me. I was kissing the soft skin of her neck, the lumps of her chest crushed against me, as she tightly gripped my back.
In the unpredictable recesses of the dream world, I was suddenly aware of a missing presence at my side and reached forward to try to find it. Unable to find it, I woke up.
I was immediately aware that today was Saturday and there was no reason for me to be awake at this hour. Looking at my alarm clock to my right, it read the time: 8:41AM.
Why am I awake right now?
I asked myself. I was also aware that I had the hardest boner I'd ever experienced and was perplexed as to why.
Chloe,
I realized, as images from the dream and the day before came to the forefront of my thoughts. My baby sister, Chloe, had confessed to me that she had longed for us to be closer than just siblings just before she broke down in my arms. The night prior, she swallowed an insurmountable amount of pain pills that she stole from my father's stash and attempted to kill herself before forcibly vomiting them out.
I remembered how distant and cold her demeanor was, even as she was kind and open to me when we first saw each other. I also remembered how she pounced on me when I briefly lost control of myself and kissed her softly on the lips, if only briefly. The kiss she gave me in return was anything but brief.
Where is she?
I wondered.
Falling back asleep was not an option, so I painfully pulled myself from the warm bed and grabbed some fresh clothes and walked into the hallway. As I left my room, I was greeted by Chloe in the hallway.
"Good morning," she said with a smile.
She had just stepped out of the bathroom and was wearing a large white towel wrapped around her midsection. Her hair was soaked and stuck to the back of her neck and upper back. In its wet state it took on a shade of dark brown, although shining red when light bounced off of it at just the right angle. The towel barely concealed her large chest and I could just barely make out the top of the pink areola on her left breast as she lightly tugged on the towel to cover more of her waistline. I could see droplets of water running down her long, creamy legs.
Tearing my gaze away from her body, I returned her smile and said, "Good morning, sis. What time did you get up?"
"A few hours ago. You're pretty gropey in your sleep, you know," she laughed.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that. I was dreaming, I think."
Her left hand was behind her back securing the towel in place as she leaned into it. In this pose, her back was slightly arched and her chest was jutting invitingly forward. Understandably, I struggled to keep my attention on her face.
"I can't imagine about what!" she joked. "It's okay; I didn't exercise yesterday so I did some extra sets earlier. Water's ready and warm for you," she explained.
She turned and headed for her bedroom. I took this opportunity to admire her form from behind. The towel struggled to cover her ass as it hugged around her waist; each step pulling more of my attention from my task as they moved the towel and revealed more and more with each step.
It wasn't until she finally closed her bedroom door that I returned my attention to taking a shower. It was a brief shower--at least it would have been if I didn't also take this private time to relieve myself in the shower.
I exited the bathroom in a fresh pair of boxers and headed into my bedroom to complete my wardrobe for the day. I put on some shorts and a t-shirt and started downstairs.
I found Chloe reclined on the large black pleather couch opposite the television in the living room. She was wearing a pink tank top that revealed a small amount of cleavage and white short shorts that left most of her upper legs exposed. The tank top had spaghetti straps that did little to hide the red straps of her bra. She was lying across the couch with one leg over her knee, her head propped up on the armrest.
"Where's Mom and Dad?" I asked as I sat down in my dad's recliner which sat perpendicular to the couch.
"They had some church event to go to. They'll be back later," Chloe answered.
She was watching a morning show and they were doing a cooking segment but my focus was completely on Chloe.
"Hey, Chloe," I said after show went to commercials.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay with all this?" I paused for a moment to try to find the words but failed and the silence pushed me to continue, "You know.. with us?"
She sat up on the center cushion of the couch and stared at me with her lands on her lap.
"Yeah. I am," she said. "Are you?"
I wanted to immediately tell her "yes, of course; you're a serious hotty," but I didn't want to be crass to my sister.
"I swear on my life, Chloe, I didn't plan any of that. It just happened. But yes, I'm fine with this if you are. Honestly, I don't know what I did to deserve it."
She smiled, sitting up, and said "Come here."
Not requiring further insistence, I moved from the recliner to the couch cushion next to Chloe and wrapped an arm around her side. She responded by wrapping her arms around my upper body and leaning into my chest.
"Obviously, we can't tell anyone," she insisted.
"Anything you want," I responded. As I held her and felt her warm body in my arms, I would have done anything she said. She smelled clean and I could smell the familiar scent of the watermelon shampoo she used in her hair.
"Anna is coming over later," she said. I vaguely remembered her short, half-asian best friend. "I told her I was busy but she insists."
She removed her hands from my torso and wrapped them around my neck as she rotated her body and straddled my legs. I was running my fingers up and down the bottom of her exposed upper legs as we continued our conversation.
"Anna? I think I remember her," I said, Chloe's face half a foot away from mine.
