I well remember the day I first saw them in a new light. I had seen them from time to time playing over on The Reserve ever since they were small boys but now, as I looked through my lounge window, it struck me that they were no longer boys, but young men.
However, I get ahead of myself. My name is Dawn Mullen, aged forty two, married to Tobin for twenty years, and mother of Luke (eighteen) and Julia (nineteen). Two in quick succession!
It was around midday and I had just come home from my part time morning job as a receptionist at a local engineering workshop. It was the long summer school vacation and a very hot day. Before I set about preparing myself a frugal lunch, I decided to get out of the uniform provided by the company, and into something cooler.
I stripped off and slipped into a simple loose fitting dress. In hot weather, and when on my own, I like to get around the house with no underwear, or, if I am sure of no visitors, naked.
As I changed I glanced idly out of the bedroom window. It was then I saw them, Ben and Howard.
Opposite our house is an area of land known as "The Reserve." It is a place where children come to play – to kick footballs, play cricket or as the say, just "muck around". Adults in search of exercise or a place to walk the dog, also use it.
It was on The Reserve I saw Ben and Howard. On that hot day they were stripped to their shorts and kicking a football to each other bare footed. I conjectured they had now finished with high school, and were having a break before the next phase of their lives, a job or university.
Seeing two young men kicking a football is not an exceptional sight, you might think. True, but it was my reaction to seeing them that was for me at least, exceptional and a trifle disturbing.
I had known these two boys since they were five or six years old when we moved into our house. They had played with my son and daughter, and I was fairly sure that they had enjoyed Julia's sexual favours in their high school years. I had taken the precaution of getting Julia on to the contraceptive pill just to cover such an eventuality.
Looking at them through the window and for the first time recognising them as young men, I was struck by their seeming virility. Their young, lithe, almost naked bodies, rippling with strength and good health sent a shiver of pleasure through me. I caught myself thinking, "My God wouldn't I like to have those two in bed!"
I was a trifle shocked at my thought, but I stood for some time staring out of the window at these two potent looking boys. Then giving myself a mental shake, I went to carry out some now forgotten task in the kitchen.
My mental shake did not do much good. Those two young men kept coming into my mind's eye, and I began to daydream about them. I tried to imagine what it would be like to have sex with two such boys, and I liked what I envisaged.
I went back to the bedroom to look at them again, but they were gone.
Over the following couple of days Ben and Howard kept cropping up in my mind. I began to fantasise being raped by them – in the nicest possible way, of course. I tried telling myself I was being utterly stupid, admonishing myself, "What good looking eighteen years olds would want a forty two year old woman?"
My admonition was to no avail; in fact it seemed to make my vision of sex with them even more intense.
I have noticed this in other areas of life. The more you try to suppress a thought, desire or felt need, the more compelling it seems to become, unless it can be diverted into some other channel.
I was lacking diversionary channels at that time. Luke, like Ben and Howard had just completed high school, and had gone off with Julia who had just finished her first year at university, to earn some money picking fruit in the Riverland.
I did not doubt they were having a good time with each other, as I had a strong suspicion that Julia had initiated her brother into sex life some time before. They had always been very close, and I suppose they found a sort of completion of that closeness in that most intimate of contacts between man and woman.
I must admit that once I suspected the sexual relationship between them, I had felt pangs of envy, unworthy though that was. The point is, however, that with son and daughter away, I missed their rampaging round the house. The place was lonely without them and their mess to distract me.
The reason for my envy and my growing fascination with Ben and Howard was not hard to find. Sex between Tobin and I had become a boring weekly ritual. Every Friday night I knew exactly what to expect. A quick kiss, a squeeze of the breasts, a finger in the vagina followed quickly by a penis and a dribble of sperm soon after. Then it was sleep time for him and frustration for me.
To put it bluntly, I wanted to be thoroughly fucked. I wanted to give and receive some real, hot blooded passion and those two virile boys where, I thought, just what I needed.
I began to fantasize about luring the boys into my wicked clutches. It was all very hypothetical, a sort of "What if?" situation. I had no expectation that my fantasies would become reality, but I did begin to try and weigh up my feminine assets.
It is hard to be objective about one's self, but I recalled that once upon a time Tobin had been captivated by my legs and breasts. A survey of these anatomical resources suggested that the legs were as good as they had ever been, and the breasts were hardly less firm despite the fact that they had fed two children.
My figure in general seemed in good order, with perhaps a little more weight around the hips than was once the case. Facially? Well, I had been told I was good looking, but that was by older man, not eighteen year olds.
This was all very fine, but even if it were possible that my dream lovers were in the slightest bit interested in me, sexually speaking, how on earth was I going to trap them into my web?
So, starting from a theoretical speculation of what sex would be like with these two young men, I went on to become obsessed with them. Several times a week they would be out on The Reserve kicking their football for an hour or so. Getting home from work I would look for them, and feel disappointment if they did not appear.
The weather continued to be hot, and I wondered at their energy as they kicked the ball around, laughing and calling out to each other.
Early one afternoon I stood watching them from the bedroom window. I felt my nipples hardening and there was a growing wetness between my legs. I was sipping a glass of apple juice, when the idea struck me. I knew how I might entice them into the house. It was so simple I could have kicked myself for not thinking of it before.
Before going into action I checked myself in the mirror. The simple loose fitting dress I was wearing hung straight down from the tips of my breasts. I had no bra on, and as I made a movement I could see my breasts moving rather sensuously. I had noticed long ago how men were attracted by that movement.
Deciding I was looking as good as I was ever likely to get, I went out of the house and crossed the street to The Reserve. It was Ben who spotted me as I casually wandered towards them.