My sister Dianne is 6 years older than I am, so by the time I left home she was married with children and living in another state. We had been close since my mother had abandoned us and left me with her, I was 11 and Dianne was 17. My mother later came back, and fought my sister for control of my life, and that was the main reason she had moved out of state. My father was not part of the family then, mostly due to my mother.
When I was 18, I left home to join the US Navy, it was not my first choice, but it got me out of the hellhole called home. I ended up being a Nuke Machinist Mate and working in the engine room of a submarine. During that time, whenever I got vacation time, I would head to my sister's place and spend it there.
When I was 26, during a routine medical exam, the doctors identified blood in my urine, this led to a diagnosis of kidney cancer. Surgery could not be scheduled for almost a month, so I took some time off to settle my head and visit my sister.
At this time, my sister had a daughter who was 11, and a son who was 7, Diane had also gotten unexpectantly pregnant a few months before, after 7 years, they had not planned on it happening. With both my niece and nephew in school, and her husband working, this was the first time I had visited, and it was just her and I for most of the day.
I had always had a crush on Diane, some boys crush on their mothers, but Diane was my mother figure through my puberty, so I figured it was not unheard of. She was pregnant, and just starting to show, but that did not bother me, it made her even more beautiful in my eyes.
I got in on a Saturday, by Monday, I was deep in my head, I was still a virgin at 26 and had now received what could very well be a death sentence. I felt like I had missed my chance at sex. I was feeling agitated and worried, my mortality was upon me. My sister noticed I was upset and asked me to talk to her about it. I did, and I also admitted my crush on her and asked her to teach me about sex and to be my first.
Her reply broke my heart, she said that she loved me, but not in that way, and she was sorry, but it was not going to happen. I tried to hide how I felt about it after that but, my mood did not improve much that day. When my niece and nephew got home, I put on a 'happy you see you' face and spent the rest of the evening with them. I went to bed and just could not sleep, feeling like my end was near. I tossed and turned and lost track of what time I finally fell asleep.