Author's note - thank you everyone that commented on my last story, it was my first outing here at Literotica and hopefully it won't be my last. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back with some new material but I've been dealing with some messy personal issues that have monopolized most of my time. What follows here isn't related to the first story but it's still in the same genre. I hope everyone enjoys, and as always any feedback is 100% welcome :) Thank you everyone for the kind reception. Let's do this, shall we?
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This is a story I've wanted to share for some time. I still hurts thinking about it even now, fifteen years later, but I think perhaps talking about it will help. I know my therapist says it will. I'll warn you now just this once - it's going to hurt. I really do hope it helps. I guess we'll see. And it's a bit long in the telling. I have a tendency to ramble on, my folks always gave me shit for it growing up.
I suppose a little bit about me is in order. I was born James William Kay. I'm forty years old, six feet tall and a little heavy at 250 pounds. Never really been able to push past that - I'll lose twenty pounds or gain twenty but it always ends up hovering around that. I was self conscious about it when I was younger but as I've gotten older and the hair atop my head decided to march down my back instead I've worried about it less and less. What hair I have left has gone to gray while my eyes have been as dark as a storm cloud from the day of my birth. I'm strong enough - I spent most of my twenties and thirties working construction for a company out in Alabama, we worked hard and played hard. Good times.
My older sister and I grew up together in southern California, thick as thieves even though she was five years older than me. I was never pushed around or treated like the little snot I was - Amanda (Mandy as I always called her) always took me with her when she wanted to go somewhere, first as kids to the playground, later to the movies and the mall and after she graduated to dinners at fancy restaurants.
She was the brains of the family - she'd had a head for academia almost as soon as she could read and her skills only grew. She graduated high school two years early, and managed to claw her way through college all the way to her Masters degree six years later before deciding she was tired of spending her days learning. Apparently teaching appealed to her more, she spent the next seven years working at one of the high schools in Mobile.
Mrs. Kay as I liked to call her in later years was tall - almost as tall as myself - and curvy in all the right places. She carried a bit of extra weight herself but it was never enough to leave her looking more than just a bit chubby. Her face was round without going too far - adorable and sweet, reflecting the woman inside. We have the same color eyes, though her natural chestnut hair didn't have a trace of gray or white to it. Her coworkers and students commented on how cute she was all the time while I was absolutely smitten.
You see, I'd been in love with her since before I could remember. When we were children together we were close - really close. All of our earliest sexual exploration was done together and we never really thought about it at the time - after all, we were just kids and we were just doing what kids do. As we grew older our activities began to curb - once she hit high school she was dating fairly regularly. I never told her at the time but I was physically ill the first time I saw her kissing another boy. I was only nine at the time but I remember it as clear as yesterday. Again, I didn't say anything but I think she knew. She was always more perceptive than I was when it came to reading someone. By the time my senior year rolled around she finally confronted me about it.
"C'mon Jim you've been giving me that look for years now," she said. We were sitting in my room together, listening to music and playing games on our computers as we did when the opportunity came. I'd just turned eighteen the week before, graduation was right around the corner and as a gift our parents had given me a thousand dollars to build whatever system I wanted to. I bought two instead so we could keep spending time together - hers was even older than mine had been beforehand.
"I'm sorry," I said, fidgeting in a way I never did with anyone else. "I really am, I just..." She looked me in the eyes and we remained silent for a moment. "But I really don't want to talk about it, it's too fucking embarrassing." She gave me a furrowed brow with a frown. "Honest."
"Can you even hear yourself talking?" she said, head tilting. I shook mine, averting my gaze, but she pulled it back with a light grasp on my chin. Her tone changed in an instant. "You know I love you Jim. What's the matter?" I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Perhaps both. I settled on the former, drawing another confused glance. "Did I make a joke that I missed?"
"Kinda," I said, still chuckling. I took a deep breath. "All right, all right. I saw you last year."
"Yeah?" she said.
"You and Dave."
"...yeah?"
"Doing... stuff." She blinked. "Sex stuff. You had your-"
"I get the picture," she said, hands in the air as she nodded slowly. "All right, so this is starting to make a little more sense. A little anyways. So you saw me going down on Dave. Big deal. Not the first time we've caught each other in the act."
"Maybe so but it's the first time I've jerked off watching you do it," I said, looking her in the eye again. To her credit she didn't flinch, but surprise definitely lit up her features.
"Huh," she said, pausing for a moment. Neither one of us seemed to know what to say. "How 'bout that." More silence. "Well. Uh, yeah. There's that." She took another deep breath. "You're an eighteen year old male. You've got eight million different chemical signals racing through your body telling you to fuck the brains out of the nearest female in stuffing range." At that I laughed loudly, choking - she always had a brash sense of humor, and the concept of boundaries was one that had never functionally existed between us.
"I'm really really sorry," I said, blushing and shaking my head. The thought of her being angry at me was more than I could bear.
"Jim," she said, catching me with her gaze again. "It's all right little brother. I'm not upset. Just kind of surprised, is all."
