Insomnia. It was common amongst caffeine addicts and such, but I never thought I would get it. Consequently, when I was diagnosed with it, I was surprised. My doctor told me that I had too much stress in my life and he didn't want to prescribe me with anything.
Now, being 19, I didn't think that there was a lot of stress on myself, but my mother insisted that I come home and take a semester off of college. She was one of those paranoid parents, but of course I didn't mind because she was gorgeous. She was about 5'3 and had 38c breasts with a nice firm butt and in very good shape. All together, a perfect body. She was only 36 and all my friends wanted to bang her, but anyways, back to the story. I came home and as before, I stayed up all night watching TV.
You see, with insomnia, you're never really asleep, but you're never really awake either. You're off in your own little world where everything looks the same as what you just saw. I cursed this stupid disease and thought that I was being punished for some dumb thing I had done like jerk off to having sex with my mother, which I did a lot, until I saw an infomercial about subliminal messages. I think for the first time, I was actually paying attention to something.
The salesman was promoting a stupid gadget he had for losing weight using subliminal messages to make yourself want to work out and such. I didn't care for that because I was already in perfect condition at 6'3 weighing 230 with only 5% body fat because I was the captain of the football team at school, but being a psychology major, I realized, this could work. I couldn't wait until morning. I spent the rest of the night working out the final details of my plan. When it was about 10, my parents still weren't up, and I went to an electronics store. I bought a microphone, one of those nature tapes, and some cassette tapes. I came home and my dad was up.
I hate my dad, so when he said hi to me, I ignored him and went into my room. I put my plan into action. The first tape I made suggested to my dad to go and buy a hooker, but get caught by the cops. I finished this tape and went back downstairs. My mom was up and had a nipple hard-on that I noticed, but tried not to make a big deal of. I went to my dad and gave him the tape saying,
"Here dad, I saw this on some commercial last night. It's supposed to help you try and lose weight by making you want to work out." My dad is no where near as good of shape as I am. He was about 5'10 and weighed about 300 with hardly any noticeable muscle. "Thanks, maybe this insomnia is good for something."