Inspiration Ch 01

Author's note: This is the first part of a pretty long story. Despite the partition, each chapter flows straight into the next and the story is meant to work as a whole. This first part is mostly about setting the scene, with some action toward the end. Don't worry though, the other two chapters pick up right where this one leaves off, and there's plenty of action there! Special thanks to whoredinarygirl for editing this. This is a work of fiction. All characters are eighteen years or older. Enjoy!

*****

Jake let the door slam shut behind him without bothering much about the noise. He knew nobody was home anyway. It was Friday night, not late enough for his roommates to be back yet, but late enough for him to be confident that they were all already out partying somewhere. He dragged his feet and grumbled under his breath as he made his way down the hall in the silent apartment, headed for his bedroom.

It had been a bad night, again. He was horny and frustrated, again. He would have to jack off to relieve his aching boner, again. He stopped a second before entering his room, sighing as he noticed that a sliver of warm light filtered from underneath the room next to his. Jess's bedroom. His twin sister's bedroom.

He closed his eyes and banged his head against the wall, cursing under his breath, feeling like screaming, feeling like he would explode, feeling like an idiot. A hopeless, lovestruck, pathetic, perverted, fucked up idiot.

As soon as he got inside his room, Jake took off his clothes and sat at his desk in front of his laptop just in his boxer, a raging hard-on tenting the cotton. He browsed idly through his stashed porn folders, considering this or that title, pondering whether or not to go online to search for some new stuff. He decided against it. He was already horny enough, he just needed release. Tonight of all nights, considering what day it was, he badly needed some relief.

Stripping off his boxers he started stroking his rock-hard cock as he lay down on his bed, closing his eyes, moving closer to the wall, focusing on the sounds coming from Jess's room.

She was typing. He could hear her fingers firing away at the keyboard, as usual. She had been doing this almost every night since they started college months before. Most of the time it wasn't even actual schoolwork, it was her own stuff.

In better times Jake would have asked her if he could read her stories and she would have let him, willingly. Most likely, she would have come to him first, asking for feedback on her writing, without his even asking. But these weren't good times.

*****

Jake and Jess had always been incredibly close. People sometimes got a bit freaked out around them because the twins were so much in sync with each other that they appeared to be always communicating, even when not speaking. They looked a lot alike, both having jade green eyes and blond hair, though Jake's was short, spikey and slightly darker than Jess's long, wavy, honey colored mane. They were affectionate and happy when they were together, which was all the time. As far back as either of them could remember, they had always been there for each other. They had fun together, they went to school and ate and watched television and listened to music together. They spent hours on end enjoying each other's company without ever feeling bored. They felt great and safe and complete, always together.

Puberty brought changes, but despite some awkwardness the twins' bond didn't diminish in importance nor intensity. Things only started to become seriously different during their last year in high school. At eighteen years old, neither of them could deny the existence of the opposite sex, nor the fact that their beloved and loving sibling was a sexual being.

The twins knew they loved each other, that was a given, it had always been so. But the very meaning of the word 'love' was changing along with their bodies, becoming altered and enlarged in its significance by other emerging concepts; like 'being in love', 'making love', 'having a lover' or 'having sex'.

With no need to talk about it and actually finding for the very first time in their lives something they were uncomfortable discussing with each other, Jake and Jess realized that a different aspect of themselves was opening up, new needs and curiosities were blooming. Their individual confusion about their unexpected, weird emotions started to mar the perfect harmony they had always shared. Their very bodies began to interfere with their perfectly balanced relationship, the physical presence of the other making them feel uncharacteristically upset, flustered and uncomfortable.

In Jake's eyes, Jess had become even more beautiful than she ever was before. Her slim, svelte frame had filled up enticingly, the skinny girl she had always been turning into a breathtaking young woman. He would find himself staring at her round, tight, tiny bubble-butt. The perfection of those firm asscheeks so juicily protruding from her back would make him blush violently as his mind started wandering and his penis started hardening. He would sneak peaks at her whenever she was close, surreptitiously taking in the mouth-watering sight of her full, firm, magnificent tits, sitting high and proud on her chest, looking even bigger than they were on her slim body. His breath would get raspy and his pulse would start racing as he imagined what his sister's amazing boobs looked like underneath her tight T-shirts. He felt himself get hard as a rock every time he saw those fleshy mounds sway and jiggle under her loose pajama tops, realizing that his twin sister's luscious jugs were bra-less beneath that thin layer of cotton.

Jess wasn't immune to her hormones either, and, though more subtly than her twin did with her, she lost no chance to take a good look at Jake's muscular frame. She felt herself flutter inside as she got lost in the sight of his strong arms, his toned, naked chest and his broad shoulders as he shot hoops in the driveway. She would admire his firm ass anytime she could and she couldn't stop herself from staring as her eyes seemed to betray her, constantly darting to his crotch, her mind reeling as she imagined what he was like down there. She pretended she didn't see the bulge he sported in his pants so often around her, but she was glad he did. It made her feel desired, beautiful, sexy, and very, very horny.

Without actually teasing him on purpose, Jess was well aware of the effect she had on her twin, and she had grown to like his attention, to crave it even. A warmth radiated from her abdomen and she felt butterflies in her stomach whenever she realized he was staring at her. She thought she could feel his eyes on her, following the bouncing of her ass as she walked in front of him in her tight jeans or fixating on her naked thighs when she crossed her legs while wearing a short skirt. Most of all she enjoyed the constant attention he lavished on her tits, a part of her body she felt very uncomfortable with. Based on the envious looks of most girls and the leers of pretty much every guy in school, Jess knew she should be happy about her buxom chest, but she really wasn't. She thought her tits were too big for her body and made her look weird and disproportionate, but she didn't dare voice her thoughts for fear of being mocked. The only thing that reassured her, absurdly enough, was Jake's obvious adoration for them. Jess thought that as long as Jake liked them and therefore liked her, she didn't need to worry about her looks.

The underlying tension and the uncomfortably awkward vibes the twins got around each other finally reached a breaking point after they graduated from high school in the early days of their last summer home before they left for college. They had both been admitted to the same university on the other side of the country and they had found two bedrooms in the same apartment off campus, a cheap, decent enough place they were going to share with other students.

The twins were both very excited and somehow worried about living together away from home, and yet their increasing feelings of uneasy attraction toward one another remained untold. Their buried needs and bottled up sexual frustrations only found a release through masturbation, since neither of them ever had a real partner, nor a stable relationship. At eighteen and a half years of age, the twins had not lost their virginity yet, nor had they really tried to.

There had been a number of girls who had showed a certain interest in Jake and plenty of boys who had tried to hook up with Jess, but the twins had never responded in kind to the advances of their prospective partners. In the best case scenario, Jake or Jess would go out on a couple of dates with this girl or that guy to catch a movie or have dinner or go to a party. Things never went much further than some necking and very light petting though, and each potential relationship ended quickly, always before something more substantial could happen. Despite the burning need for sexual satisfaction, the twins never seemed to want to do much with any of their dates. Each of them saw the hurt, desperate, impotent rage and the all too familiar aching uncertainty they caused in the other whenever they dated someone, so they just stopped doing it at all in a sort of silent mutual agreement. And of course this only made them even more irritable, confused and sexually frustrated.

Neither Jake nor Jess felt ready nor capable to handle this weird, new, disquieting matter, both too scared of what might happen if they did bring it up. Both worried too much about what the other would think if they openly expressed their convoluted, powerful, strange feelings. So they just denied the whole thing, making it worse; letting the wound fester, letting the fever burn hotter, letting the bubble of their suppressed sexuality grow and grow and grow. Until one day, it exploded.

It happened a few days after they had graduated from high school. Fred, a friend of Jake's, had invited him to go to a college party. Fred's older brother was a senior at a local college and his frat buddies were having one last bash before they all left for the summer. Fred had told Jake he could get the two of them in, but they needed to bring at least one girl with them and he suggested Jess.

Jake wasn't thrilled by the idea of taking his twin sister to a college party full of horny, high, drunk frat boys. He also knew that Fred had had his eyes on Jess for a while now. Jake had no doubt that if he declined to bring his sister along or backed out of going to the party at all, Fred would simply bypass him and invite Jess out alone, if not this time then another, most likely without telling Jake he was doing so. Jake knew that Fred was a nice enough guy, and he knew that if it wasn't Fred it would be someone else making a move on Jess sooner or later. As always when it came to his twin sister, he got paranoid and jealous about the matter of dating, relationships, love and sex. In the end he accepted to ask Jess to join them, hoping she would say no, feeling somehow upset when she said yes instead, but still thinking that he could at least keep an eye on her if he was there too.

Things didn't go quite as Jake thought, though.

To Jake's horror, Jess seemed to have a great time at the party, making every frat boy's head turn as she paraded around in her skimpy miniskirt and tight v-neck top. Getting grumpier and moodier by the second, Jake watched in silent fury and deepening despair as Jess danced with Fred and flirtily chirped with everyone, accepting drinks and getting more and more uninhibited as the night progressed. There were lots of beautiful, easy, older and certainly experienced girls at the party, but Jake only had eyes for his sister. His heart felt like it was bleeding as he wondered why, why on earth she would act so ditzy and silly and slutty when she was nothing like that at all. He tried to meet her eyes time and again, but she always seemed to look the other way. Why, Jake kept wondering, why is she doing this to me?

The sadder and madder he got, the more he drank. And with more drinking came even darker bitterness and even hotter rage. But underneath all that hurt, there was a subtler, maliciously stinging feeling nagging at him. It was the vague, absurd, yet persistent impression that Jess's actions, so unprecedented and insanely out of character for her, were somehow directed at him, like she meant him to see her behave like that and actually wanted him to suffer and fume and brood over this, over her. This idea flashed intermittently in Jake's increasingly intoxicated mind, and if at first it got him wondering, it was gradually dulled until it dissolved into a drunken, raging haze. All he could think about, obsessively, painfully, hauntingly, was the fact that Jess was right there in front of him acting slutty and someone was taking advantage of the situation. Someone else. Someone that was not himself. And that thought was driving him crazy.

Eventually, when he saw Fred pawing at Jess's ass while they danced, his hands grabbing her curvy butt underneath her miniskirt, his body pressed against hers, her luscious boobs squashed against his chest, his lips pressing onto hers, his tongue thrusting into her mouth, Jake finally lost it, big time.

He was never sure exactly what happened next. He just saw red for a while. And then it all went black.

The next thing he knew, he was sitting in his car outside the frat house, his nose bleeding, his lips feeling puffy and swollen and stinging, his shirt missing half the buttons and smeared with blood, the right side of his chest hurting like hell with every breath, his hands feeling bruised, his knuckles scraped raw. He saw a bunch of guys just outside the door and on the courtyard, drinks in hands, fists clenched, faces dark and menacing, drunk and hostile eyes staring his way. He blinked to gather his thoughts, and then the house was suddenly moving away.

It took Jake some puzzling seconds to realize that it was the car that was moving. Someone was driving him away. His head was pounding and he felt like he was going to vomit any second now. His brain was unfocused and foggy, yet one idea dominated above all else. He couldn't leave. He had to go get Jess first. He was fumbling unsuccessfully with the door handle when he heard his twin sister's muffled cries right beside him. His head spinning, he turned.

She was sitting at the wheel, sobbing, headed home. Her make-up was running down her face with her tears, her delicate, pale, sculpted cheekbones getting blackened with trickling eyeliner. She was shaking all over, fighting to maintain her composure, her tiny hands going to her eyes to wipe the tears away and let her see the road, making an even bigger mess of her face in the process.

Jake felt like crying himself for the sheer relief of seeing her. She was there. She was safe. She was by his side.

"Jess..." he said, a sigh more than a word, the pain in his ribs stabbing him hard as he spoke.

She stayed silent, crying, shivering, staring straight ahead for a long while.

"J-J-Jess..." he said again, stammering, teeth rattling, the nausea and pain getting worse as he felt the anger and fear and confusion radiating from his twin sister like a physical thing.

Her voice was breaking in sobs when she finally spoke.

"Dammit, Jake, god dammit!" she spat, not even looking at him. "What the hell were you thinking? Why the fuck did you do that? You are lucky they didn't kill you, you stupid idiot! Why do you have to ruin everything?... Why do you have to be like that around me?... Fuck, Jake, what did I ever do to you that makes you hate me so much?... It's like you want to make it harder for me... As if I don't have a hard enough time as it is with you and me and... "

Jake was dumbfounded as he listened to her rambling, feeling her mood change, her emotions shifting from rage to worry to something softer, warmer.

"I don't even know what to say, Jake, you got me so fucking scared... When I saw them grab you and beat you, I thought... What the fuck, Jake... If anything had happened to you tonight, if anything should ever happen to you because of me, I could never forgive myself, bro, I couldn't..."

She stuttered and stopped talking for a while, sobbing deeply, tears streaking down her soft cheeks, her knuckles whitening as she clenched the wheel hard to stop her hands from shaking. She shrugged and shook her head after a while, before murmuring, lower now, as if talking to herself: "Why does it have to be this hard with you, bro, so damn painful, just why..."

She was sobbing again, more desperately than before, shivering all over like she had a fever.

Jake felt strangely calmer though, his wasted brain suddenly, absurdly, starting to relax. He reached with a trembling hand to touch her bare arm. His head was spinning and his vision was a messy blur of blond hair, full red quivering lips, white smooth cheeks and black make-up smears. His split lips hurt like hell but he felt himself smile.

"I love you, Jess..." he blurted out.

Something lurched inside of him. He barely had the time to poke his head out of the car window, before he started puking and coughing and puking some more, until he was finally empty and could retreat inside, feeling faint, barely managing to sit back again. Then he passed out.

*****

The rest of that summer was agonizingly slow and boring for the twins. Jake and Jess never discussed the incident at the party, beside the necessary and conveniently vague explanation they gave to their parents about Jake's many bruises and blood-stained shirt.

Neither of them complained when their parents grounded them for the rest of the summer after a stern lecture about being responsible and the consequences of drinking and how they were counting on the both of them to act like adults and not get in trouble once they were on their own at college in the fall. Neither Jake nor Jess had made big plans for their last summer home, and even though they never mentioned it again, the events of that night left a long lasting impression on them, making it clear to them both just how powerful and intense their feelings were, and, most importantly, how specifically directed at each other they were.

Jake spent his time sulking around the house, alone on the couch watching re-runs of their favorite shows reminiscing in solitude about the time when they had watched them together, or holed up in his room playing video games that he wouldn't have played at all if he could have spent time with his sister instead. Jess rarely left her room, where she read books alone and in silence rather then out loud with Jake lying next to her on her bed as they had done in better days. She began focusing on writing some stories of her own too, devoting more and more time to it. Jake heard her tapping at the keyboard at night while he surfed the web for porn, his mood dark but his libido ever more demanding and always unsatisfied. His feelings were clear and undeniable now, but his chances to see them come to fruition appeared unrealistic at best.

He would watch out of his window at Jess's bikini clad body when she sat outside to tan and read, sprawled on a recliner chair in the back yard in the afternoons, and he would feel his heart ready to burst, just like his cock was always ready to burst any time he laid eyes on his beautiful, sexy, unattainable twin. He knew he loved her now, and more, he knew he was in love with her and he wanted to make love to her, to have sex with her. He didn't feel guilty about any of this in the least, but he felt enormously sorry for himself, knowing that she didn't reciprocate and she would never reciprocate, and he suffered like hell at the thought.