Jess and Jon continue to understand each other better.
Thanks to LarryInSeattle for help with the editing.
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I roll off her, panting and start laughing. Jess scowls at me. "What's so funny?" she demands.
"This. Us. I just lost my virginity - to my sister for Christ's sakes." The enormity of that statement washes over me and the laughter dies in my throat. I look at her and what a second ago seemed funny to me suddenly causes me to be overwhelmed with shame. I scramble to the far side of the bed and pull the comforter over my lap. I put my head in my hands and start to rock forward and backwards. Someone is moaning, "no, no, no" over and over and I realize it's me.
"Oh, Jesus, Jess, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Jesus." I realize I'm crying.
Her hand touches my back and I jump out of bed.
"Jon," I can't answer her. I wrap the comforter around my waist and clutch it like a drowning man. "Jon, stop. Don't ruin this. It was beautiful." She slips an arm around my legs, rests her head against the back of them. "I'm sorry you're upset. I get it; I do. Two days ago, if you'd have asked me what I thought about a brother and sister having sex, I would have gagged but not now. I'm sorry you're upset but if it helps, you just gave me something wonderful, and with it, the understanding that what Alex and I have is not love." She leaned out of bed and kissed the skin on my back, just above the comforter. "I was a virgin, too. I've fucked before but no one has ever made love to me; not until today, not until you, and I won't feel bad about that."
I stood there, running her words through my head, as she rolled out of bed on the other side. I'm still standing there when I hear the chime that signals someone has inserted a key card in the room lock. I have no idea if we put the chain on. I dive back into bed, frantically pulling at the sheet and comforter. I'm vaguely aware of Jess doing the same in the other bed.
"Last chance, you two," our father's irritatingly cheerful early morning voice calls out. "You still have time to get ready and join us..." His voice trails off.
I sit up in bed, grinding the heels of my palms in my eyes and faking a yawn, praying that he'll mistake my red eyes for sleepiness and not tears. Jess plays it smarter, she pulls a pillow over her head. "Ugh, dad, what are you doing? It's like three in the morning or something."
"No, sweetie, it's like nine in the morning." He answers her but he's staring at me.
I feel myself on the verge of a full-blown freak out. Do I have jizz on my chest or something? Fuck, does the room smell like sex? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I hide my panic behind another fake yawn. "No thanks, dad. Can I get a pass? I think you're right; maybe I did get too much sun yesterday. I'm just gonna chill and read my book."
He nods, glances at Jess. I follow his gaze. Her bare ass is showing. I squelch a moan of dismay before it escapes my mouth. He looks at me, then turns and leaves without saying a word. The door clicks. I fall back into the bed and allow the moan to escape.
"He knows," I whisper to the ceiling.
"No, he doesn't," Jess whispers back but I hear the doubt in her voice.
"Your butt was hanging out from under the covers, your tee shirt is on the floor by my bed, and, just to seal the fucking deal, my boxers are on top of your shirt. Yeah, he knows. He may pretend he doesn't but he knows. Jesus."
"I don't care," Jess snaps, the old fire in her voice. She hops out of bed and stands facing me, looking unbelievably beautiful, her breasts heaving, checks flaming. "For the first time, I feel like someone really loves me, like a man does for a woman. I don't fucking care if it's you. I deserve it. I'm not a bitch. I deserved to be loved."
With that, she started to cry. I lift the edge of the comforter up. "Come here, Jess." She stumbles into the bed and huddles against my chest.
***
Outside the kid's room, a very confused man leans against the wall, wondering what he should do. There's one thing for sure he knows not to do, tell his wife, their mother. He squares his shoulders and walks back to his room and his wife and a road trip he no longer has the least bit of interest in.
***
"Oh, God, Jess, what if he tells mom? She already hates me."
"Are you that dim? She doesn't hate you, she hates me. To our mother, I represent everything she hates about herself. Her sole salvation is imaging I'm worse than she is."
I roll up on one elbow to look at her. "You think that's true?"
"Yes, I do." Jess wipes at her eyes. "You think I'm such a bitch? Try hanging out with our mother for a while."
I try to keep my mind on our conversation but the sight of her boobs is distracting. Worse, her wet cheeks and red eyes beg for comfort. I shake my head, trying to clear it.
"What if she's not a bitch, not really. What if she's simply afraid if she doesn't act like a bitch, she'll get hurt?" I consider whether to say anymore and then plunge ahead. "Isn't that what you were doing?"
"Some. I was a bitch to you because you were so mean to me."
"Jess, I was not," I protest. "I don't want to argue, not anymore, but my first memories are of you tormenting me. You were
not
an older sister enamored with the idea of a baby brother. I mean let's be real, okay?"
"Why would I? Mom and dad spent all their time 'oh'ing and 'ah'ing over you and totally ignored me."
"I'm sorry if that's how you felt but Jess, think about it. How many times did dad take you, only you, to the zoo, to a movie, skating. He went out of his way to pay attention to you. Do you really not see that?"
"He took you places, too," Jess protests but softly.