I had never really got on well with my mother but had for as long as I could remember idolised my dad. However, until after I lost my virginity just after my eighteenth birthday, I had no sexual thoughts about him. He was my dad, my best friend, my confidante and mate.
But after 'becoming a woman' things changed with my thinking and I began fantasising about him as a man. Later, after we had become lovers, he told me that it was when he accepted that I was having sex with boys that he started having sexual thoughts about me
"You were no longer a girl Jay," he told me one night when we were in bed "You became a woman and a very beautiful and sexy one at that." I loved him saying such things about me.
Physically I had always been quite advanced for my age and in my late teens I was around 5' 6" which I am now and weighed around 120 pounds. I had a nice figure with B cup sized boobs, twenty-five-inch or so waist and womanly thirty-four-inch hips. I was naturally blonde and I kept my hair fairly short and I wore glasses. So pretty much as I am now, but of course with the allure and freshness of youth, no wrinkles, little excess weight and it was before the children boosted my boobs to a D cup thirty-six inches which, alas have begun to sag a little in recent years!
By the time dad and I got anything going I was nineteen. It was late summer, I had been home from travelling since mid-May and was waiting to go to uni. It was a very nice summer with loads of sun and heat that of course meant women wore less and bikinis and shorts were de rigeur most of the time. Whether I rather flaunted myself or whether he just took more notice I am not sure, but we became so much closer that by mid-July the atmosphere between us was becoming a little like two suitors, but then in reality that's what we were. Two potential lovers, a man and woman stumbling towards an affair.
We were together a lot, there were stares and lingering glances, we had our own in jokes, we stood and sat close, too close maybe and we touched more than normal. Nothing was very overt but I knew something was different and that our relationship was changing.
Things between us came to a head after a year or so of, what looking back I can see was mutual, flirting although I was not really aware of that at the time. We sort of danced round the subject neither being brave, or foolish enough to overtly broach it but both as we learned later wanting to. Increasingly between when I lost my virginity and then we had become more open, intimate in some ways and verbally suggestive to each other. We had little jokes and sayings that were personal to us and so pissed mum off that I used them whenever I could just to piss her off even more.
In early August as a family we went to a dinner and dance at mum and dad's golf club. As usual with the stuffy old place it was a dressy do, but it was the late 80s. He was in a dark blue suit looking dashing and incredibly handsome and I had bought a 'little black number' that had spaghetti straps with a fairly low cut neckline, the hem was a few inches above my knees and was tight across my bum and stomach. For one of the first times in my life I wore stockings; lacy top , black holdups with four inch black patent heels. I felt and thought I looked very grown up and womanly but could hardly walk in the unfamiliar heels!
Towards the end of the evening dad and I danced together to a smoochy number where most of the movement of the mainly geriatric dancers was swaying on the spot. Holding his hand, with his arm around me and our bodies pressed together that suited me down to the ground. I readily admit that I exaggerated our closeness by pressing my breasts more firmly against his chest. Then out of the blue to a cocktail of emotions I felt his cock growing. He pulled away, but as coyly as I could I slid back so that I felt it. It had grown and was now rearing right up his stomach just like the guys at the clubs. He pulled away and we continued the dance but as it was ending I pressed myself against it again, it felt lovely. Just as the small band was reaching the crescendo of the tune he whispered in my ear.
"I am sorry Jay."
For the rest of the evening at the golf club, which was less than an hour and the after-dance drinks at our house, I was in a daze. I avoided talking to anyone even my date as I tried to get my head round what had happened. I kept hearing the phrase, 'dad got a hard on when dancing with me!'
Many times that night I questioned myself as to whether it really happened and thought that perhaps I had imagined it because that was what I wanted to happen. Possibly the wine I had drunk could, just about, cause that but not what was a strong and clear memory. He had apologised. As we walked off the dance floor with his hand on the small of my back, he had said again. "I am sorry Jay." Of that there was no doubt whatsoever and the phrase kept ringing through my head as I struggled to sleep imagining that somehow, he managed to come into my room, slip into bed alongside me and hold me against his naked hardness.
Such fantasies were no longer unusual.
They had started a year or so previously and had progressed through us just kissing then fondling, him undressing me, us being naked together and then a few months ago we made full and complete love!
I found it hard looking at him the next morning at the family and friends who had stayed the night, breakfast. I wanted to, but I was scared that I would show my emotions and do or say something that gave the game away so I kept as silent as I could and out of the way until the guests had gone.
Fortunately, we didn't come into contact much most of that day but when we did the look in his eyes that I can only describe as sadness, well it was to me made me want to hug and kiss him and then press myself against him to re-experience that beautiful sensation of his erection pressing into my stomach.
What with me getting ready for uni, doing some pre-college reading, pursuing my normal life and dad working we didn't see much of each other for a few days which wasn't at all unusual. On the following Wednesday my brother and his wife went home and then on the Thursday the 'fat bitch' as I thought of my huge breasted mother who I despised, went off to Spain or Portugal, I couldn't be bothered or concerned to remember which, to play golf. This was with a number of women from the golf club who she called girls or ladies and who I thought of as 'the bitches from hell' or mum's 'lady lesboes!'
Tingles had run through my body for a couple of weeks whenever I had thought. 'Dad and I are going to be alone in the house for a week!'
I was nervous and on tenterhooks all day wondering just what, if anything might happen. After all, 'one swallow doesn't make a summer' just as 'one erection doesn't make an affair,' especially with your father!
On one hand, I was dreading the evening and us being alone whilst on the other hand, I was so looking forward to the evening, him coming home from work and us being alone!
So many thoughts went through my head as I lazed around in my underwear that rather hopefully, pathetically or unnecessarily I changed before he came home.
Maybe he had got hard because of someone else? Perhaps he had a lover or a prospect at the club and I was a stand in? Maybe men just get them and they were not person specific? Erections and me were not natural bedfellows! But he had said sorry twice.
Mixing my oxymorons it was an awfully wonderful day, a marvellously depressing one and a fucking confusing one. I couldn't eat or concentrate on reading or working and I thought of nothing else than him and me, my dad and me as in my mind we became an us!
He drove in through the gates at just after seven. I watched from my bedroom window as he parked the car and got out, taking his jacket from the hook in the back of the Merc, picking up his briefcase and then the front door opened. I had dressed, nothing special, just jeans and a loose tee although I had thought of maybe just a dressing gown or more outrageously as I had masturbated at lunchtime, maybe that vamps, black underwear an ex had bought me. I walked down the stairs as he came in. We looked at each other and my imagination went into overdrive as he dropped his jacket and briefcase, walked up the stairs, kissed me then picked me up and said. "Come to bed my darling," whilst in reality he said as casually as anything. "Hello love what we got for dinner?"
The previous times mum had gone away my older brother had lived at home and us two and dad had mucked in to prepare meals and look after the house. Now, though, it was just him and me and it made me feel so grown up to be dad's 'partner' for the week.
"We didn't have the chance to discuss it today dad so I thought maybe a take away, fancy Indian, Italian or Thai?"
We settled on Thai that I ordered for delivery half an hour later while he showered and changed.
I was on tenterhooks and very nervous when he came down wearing beige chinos and a dark blue polo shirt with the hem outside his trousers so that when he stretched I would get a small flash of his stomach, chest or back; he looked gorgeous. We chatted for a while, but it didn't have its usual flow. I poured us some white wine hoping that would relax me, but the first glass hardly changed anything. The delivery of the food broke the hesitancy in our conversation a little but not much. We sat at right angles to each other at a small, square table in the kitchen.
"Jay I think we need to talk don't we?" he startled me by saying as we finished dinner.
My heart pounding, I tried to be casual about it? "Do we dad?"
"Yes love, the dance."
"Oh that?" I said trying to sound as if I hardly recalled anything, but all the time I could feel my breasts against his chest and the lovely length of his erection pressing into my stomach.
"Yes Jay that, I am so sorry it shouldn't have happened."
"That's ok dad, I'm cool about it," I told him, feeling anything but cool recognising that we were discussing my dad getting a hard on holding me.
"Are you Jay, are you really?" he asked as our eyes met and I saw God knows what in his eyes.
"Er, um yes, yes dad I think so, oh dad?"
"What Jay?"
"I just don't know."
"Know what?"
I couldn't think how to phrase the question I had wanted answering since I felt his erection against me. Then I just blurted it out
"What made it happen dad, was it me?"
"God Jay I was dreading that question."
