My cousin Katie and I, as we were growing up, were never particularly close. Our parents were and our families spent nearly every major holiday together and occasionally a vacation or two but Katie and I did have seven years separating us. Also, she was a girl and I was a boy and as kids we liked different things. Even when I was in high school, she was still in elementary school.
As the adults that we are now, we still have the same seven years between us. I am established in my job, in my career, and Katie has just dropped out of college and is still figuring her life out. Katie moved in with me at the request of my parents and hers. Katie did not want to live at home as that would be uncool and I currently had an extra room in my apartment.
This arrangement took a turn when Katie asked if she could have a party with some friends of hers and the conclusion of that party ended with Katie in my bed.
And the shower.
And just a few moments ago the living room floor.
We just finished a mind blowing, toe curling, scream at the top of the lungs love making session.
But was it though? Love making?
I was laying on the floor while Katie was cleaning up post sex. I was contemplating where we are and where we are going. The past twenty four or more hours were a whirlwind of sexual activity where each time it seems more and more emotional. Or am I reading too much into it? Was it just me forming an attachment that might not be there? Was it not emotional but just more intense?
Am I just a person of convenience for my cousin? Why does she have an interest in a guy older than her? Just the night before, at her party, during the game of truth or dare, she openly and willingly gave a guy a blow job. So again, I ask myself, no, rationalize with myself, that this is nothing more than a matter of the two of us being very horny and getting off. Nothing more.
I heard Katie leave the bathroom and go to her room which snapped me out of my deep thinking. Getting up off the floor, I too went to the bathroom to clean myself up and after, I went to my room to dress.
I was laying back on my bed, all in my head as I went over and over the past two days and what this all could mean and what it could lead to and eventually I drifted off to sleep.
Since it was late afternoon when I dozed off, when I awoke it was dark, both inside and outside. Groggily, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself but on the way across the hall I noticed that my apartment was quiet and dark.
After finishing up in the bathroom I went through the apartment looking for my cousin. She was not around. Not in her room nor the living room or kitchen. She must have left during my nap. In fact, she did not return before I decided to retire for the night. Tomorrow was a work day after all.
The next day I started my morning routine as usual, shower, dress, out the door and commute to work. I made it through my busy work day and returned home as I always do. Walking through the door I found Katie on the sofa, busy on her laptop computer and cell phone with the television on.
She looked up and smiled and welcomed me home telling me she had some leftover pizza in the kitchen if I was hungry, which I was, and I could help myself. I grabbed a slice and sat on the sofa glad to be home.
Katie was headlong into whatever it was that she was doing and barely lifted her head while she was plucking away at her computer. She was clearly busy doing whatever it was that she was doing so I got up and made my way to my room to change and relax and watch some television.
A little before ten that night there was a light tap on my door before it opened and Katie peaked her head in asking if I was still awake. I barely was but responded to her affirmatively that I was awake. She climbed on the bed, sat cross legged next to me. She apologized for ignoring me when I came home but she was trying to explore her options for a job.
As she was talking, there seemed to be some tension in the air. Or it could just be me imagining things. I could not put my finger on it. But she did look amazing sitting there in her shorts and tank top. She always looks amazing.
As she talked about her day and other things my mind began to wonder. This was how it was before the party, she would talk and I would listen, I would eventually start to drift off to sleep and she would retire to her room. So are we back to normal? Like the weekend didn't happen? Back to being roommates?
As Katie concluded her nightly update, she leaned down and kissed me, on the lips, and lingered for just a moment, lips to lips, before telling me good night. I felt her get off the bed and she stood there for just a moment, a pause, before she left the room.
For some reason, I was both relieved and bothered. Conflicted again. My thoughts and emotions are running wild. Why was Katie having this effect on me?
The next morning I was back to my usual morning routine, albeit tired because my mind raced all night causing me to get little sleep and work dragged on because of my lack of energy. Arriving home I found that Katie was out and she had not returned before I had fallen asleep.
Another morning and another shower and out the door to my job. I had not seen Katie before I left. However, during the day I received a text from her that asked if we could have dinner, she would cook, and talk.
I don't have a ton of experience with women but according to every comedian and guy I have ever talked to, the "we need to talk" NEVER works in favor of the guy. Now I have anxiety about going home.
I came home to find Katie in the kitchen. She was in a skirt and tank top and putting the finishing touches on the meal that she would be serving. It was a simple dish. But she put a lot of effort into it which I appreciated.
The meal was delicious and the conversation was casual and up to this point, she didn't present the "we need to talk" talk. I helped clear the table and clean up and was then led out by the hand to the sofa. Katie sat me down and then sat next to me, facing me, cross legged again.
I felt a bit of dread as she started with, "So...."
It hung out there. The pregnant pause. Awkward silence.
Katie seemed to be struggling with what was on her mind. She was fidgeting with her hands. Not looking directly at me. Searching for the words that she was about to say.
"This weekend..."
Another long pause.
