I sighed as I opened the door to the house I had left almost a year ago. My girlfriend at the time had wanted to travel to Europe, and I had gone with her somewhat reluctantly. I'd begun regretting it almost immediately. I had kept travelling with her in the hope that she'd want to return home eventually, but instead she'd grown tired of me and left me alone somewhere in France with barely enough money for a plane ticket home. So here I was, crawling back to my parents' house broke and dejected.
My parents had been happy enough to let me come back, they were mostly just glad I'd come to my senses and could now get a proper job or go back to school. I wasn't nearly as excited about that aspect of returning as they were.
I had purposely arrived mid-afternoon, while my parents were at work, to at least give myself a few hours before having to deal with them. In hindsight though, that may not have been the best idea. It meant having to deal with my sister alone, with no buffer zone of inquisitive and semi-helpful parents.
My younger sister Kaylee and I had been fairly close growing up and I knew her well enough to know that while our parents might be happy I was back, she'd still be pissed that I left. It had been a sudden decision for me and I'd left without even talking to her about it, leaving only a short note explaining where I'd gone. Hell, I'd even missed her eighteenth birthday while I was gone. We'd always made a point of spending birthdays together and I'd missed one of the most important ones to her. I knew I deserved any anger she might direct toward me, but I certainly wasn't looking forward to it.
"Kaylee, you home?" I called, finally entering the house. I half hoped she wasn't so I could put off the inevitable a little longer. Then I heard a door open upstairs and knew I had no such luck. She appeared at the top of the stairs, her dark hair spilling across her face as she stopped. She kept her hair around shoulder length, and it always seemed to be getting in her way. I'd never seen it bother her though, even if it would have driven me crazy.
"Oh, you're back," she said while pushing her hair back, sounding almost disgusted. I flinched at the tone of her voice, dreading what else she might say. Instead she just turned around and went back to her room, closing the door with a definite slam.
"Could have been worse," I muttered, attempting to reassure myself. In reality I probably would have preferred a little yelling, anything to take my mind off my own feeling of guilt.
****
Days passed and I hadn't had a chance to talk to my sister. She mostly stayed in her room, ignoring me when I tried knocking on her door. She did come out of her room for meals, but I didn't want to talk to her with our parents around. So I waited.
Finally one evening around midnight I left my room to watch a movie in the living room, figuring everyone else would be in bed. Hearing the TV from down the hall, I realized Kaylee must already be watching something. I wasn't particularly surprised, she'd gotten into the habit of staying up late watching movies after everyone else had gone to bed a few months before I'd left. Sometimes I had stayed up with her, but that left me tired and cranky the next day. She had never seemed to need as much sleep as I did. Our mother had initially tried to enforce an earlier bedtime, but had given up before too long. Kaylee almost always got her way when it came to our parents, something I had found rather irritating when we were younger.
Stepping into the living room, I smiled as I found my sister in the middle of a car chase from a movie I didn't immediately recognize. Our mutual love of action movies, both good and bad, had been one of the few interests we had shared growing up. One of the things I'd missed most while I was away was spending endless hours on rainy weekends sitting on the couch with my sister curled up next to me watching gunfights and explosions, and laughing at horrible dialogue and flimsy plots.
"Hey," I said sitting down on the other end of the couch.
"Hey," she said back, not taking her eyes off the movie.
"Look, I know I fucked up. I never should have left, and I definitely shouldn't have left without telling you. I'm sorry." I looked over at my sister, who finally looked back at me.
"Whatever, I guess your girlfriend was just more important to you than I was." Her tone was neutral, but I still flinched and looked away. The words were more than sufficient for me to see that my apology hadn't been accepted.
"Kay, it wasn't that she was more important, I only thought we'd be gone maybe a month, I never meant to be away so long. I thought I'd lose her if I didn't go with her." I looked back over to my sister. "Do you know what it's like thinking someone you love might leave and you'd never see them again?"
"Yes," she said, "I do." With that statement she got up off the couch and went back to her room. I sat on the couch staring at the TV and cursing myself silently for my choice of words.
****
The next day it was my turn to confine myself to my room, only going out for food when I felt sure nobody was around. I felt miserable. My sister, the only person I really cared about anymore, hated me. I didn't really blame her, but I'd hoped she could have forgiven me.
I was lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself when I heard the knock on my door. I ignored it and the knock that followed, but Kaylee opened the door anyway. I was glad I was facing away from the door, I didn't know if I could face her right now.
"Supper's ready," she said.
"M'not hungry," I mumbled.
"You're never 'not hungry'" she said taking a step toward me, "come on let's go before mom starts yelling for us."
"I'm not hungry," I repeated more emphatically.
"Are you alright?" she asked, sounding concerned now.
