Thank you to Raconteuse, Lara_Blackadaar, PacoFear, DesmondAndromeda, and Allyourbase for their editing, advice and encouragement.
The central characters in this story are over 18.
Her face, as she tumbles to my bedroom floor, is a mask of pure surprise. It's replaced by outrage as she springs back up at me.
"Hey!" Her growl is distorted by the sudden movement. Before I realise it, she's on top of me again, pinning me to the bed. Her features flush as she glowers down at me. "Why'd you do that?"
I'm desperate to have her off me, but I don't dare repeat the idiocy that spilled her in the first place. "I- I don't know. I'm sorry."
Anger ebbs from her features, but the hurt is still evident. "Grant, why've you been such a jerk lately?"
Silence.
Leaning forward, she places her palms at either side of my shoulders on the bed. Her hair is a shimmering curtain. It screens us from the rest of the world, creating an intimacy that I both fear and cherish. My gaze has nowhere to go. "Emma?" Now
my
voice is distorted. Husky.
"What?"
"Would you mind getting off me?"
Confusion tangles with the hurt I see clearly on her face. For the sake of self-preservation, she's learning to mask her feelings a little, but not from me.
Never from me.
"Why?" Before I can answer, she hurls another accusatory query. "And why'd you bail on me after school today? I musta waited by the fence for half an hour before I realised you weren't coming."
I see her mouth is trembling, but I don't know how to answer.
I've never lied to her. We promised each other we never would. But if I don't want to lose my only friend in the world, I'd better start now. And it
has
to be something she'll believe.
My mind is still barren of excuses when her voice breaks the stillness. "You didn't let them get to you, did you?"
Some of our classmates at the nearby high school have taunted us regularly about our inseparability. I, in particular, receive no small ration of shit for holding her hand every day on our walks to and from school. I've been to see the principal more than once for losing my temper when some knuckle-dragger teases us about incest.
"No, sis. They haven't gotten to me." And that much was true; they hadn't. I love her more than anything on this planet and there's no way I'd let anyone come between us.
"Then, what is it?"
I lower my eyes and exhale. "Nothing."
Her eyes narrow and her mouth forms a tight line. I can scarcely believe it when one of her fists crashes into my shoulder. She's never,
ever
struck me, other than playfully. "You treat me like a stranger and call it '
nothing
'?"
Emma sits up and folds her arms. "Talk to me. What's going on?"
"I can't tell you."
At that, she sits up slightly, her palms on my shirtfront. I wonder if she can feel the violence of my heartbeat.
"I can't believe you said that. You can tell me anything."
It takes a minute before I can collect myself to respond. "Not this. You'll think..." I can't finish. The words won't come.
"I'll think what?"
"I can't, Em. I just... can't"
She does the worst thing imaginable. Stretching out, she lays her torso atop mine, wraps her arms around my shoulders and neck. She nuzzles into my throat and murmurs, "You can tell me
anything
. Doesn't matter what it is. You can tell me."
I'm petrified. If she shifts even slightly lower, she's going to understand exactly what my problem is. She'll know what a freak her brother is. It tears at me to imagine my sweet sister turning away in disgust. A whimper slips out of me..
She doesn't move from my throat. "Grant. You're scaring me."
I try to take some deep breaths. Calm myself. When I've found my voice again, I ask quietly, "Emma? Could you leave me alone for just a little while? Please? I'll talk to you later if you still want, okay?"
"Absolutely not. I'm not budging till you tell me what's wrong."
"Emma."
"Nope. Uh-uh. No way. I always thought we could tell each other
any
-thing. You telling me I was wrong? What changed?"
"It's just this one thing. That's all. I promise. Let it go. Please."
She slides off me to rest beside me on the bed, though her leg is still draped across my middle. My gratitude for the space between us vanishes when her hand starts smoothing back and forth across my chest. She means it to be soothing. It's not. "What 'one thing'? Whatever it is, you're making a bigger deal out of it than it is. Just spit it out. You'll feel better once you get it off your chest."
When I fail to respond, her hand shepherds my face to meet hers again. "Grant, do you really want us to start keeping secrets from each other?"
"No," I whisper.
"Talk to me."
I take another deep breath and let it out in shudders. I lower my eyes again, so I don't have to see her revulsion. "I, I've been having, um, dreams."
When a minute or two passes without me elaborating, she asks gently, "What kind of dreams?"
"Umm... about you."
Is it my imagination or do I feel a sudden tension in the leg she's left sprawled on me? I glance reflexively down. She hasn't changed out of her school skirt, which is bunched up rather high on her thighs. Wrong place to look just now. But as I quickly shift my gaze, I become intensely aware there is no right place. No part of her that won't remind me of those damned dreams. Those damned, glorious dreams. And I am excruciatingly aware of her warmth and weight of her leg.
I'm suddenly conscious of the stillness in the room. I look into her eyes, dreading what I'll see there. I can't read her expression and all I can think is, "Have I lost my best friend?"
That's what I'm wondering when she drops a bomb into the silence. "Me too."
I can scarcely credit my hearing. When I'm sure she said what I thought she did, I reply, "You don't know what kind of dreams I mean."
Her tongue runs across her lips and I realise my own are dry too. And my throat feels positively parched.
Is that her trembling, or is it me?