Lessons For My Son Ch 06

As we move into the more advanced lessons, I want to get you prepared for what may come. At some point, your Mom will confront you directly. She's no fool, and she'll know what's going on long before you think she suspects. It may be the first time you hug her tight, or it may be the first time you kiss her on the lips, or it may be the first time you rub her butt. I don't know when it will happen, but I assure you it will.

She's going to gently push you away, and say, "Remember, I'm your Mother." What she's saying is, "You're having sexual thoughts about me and doing sexual things with me, and it's not appropriate." If her push away is not gentle, then you went too fast and got ahead of yourself again. Back off, find a point in your relationship where she is not threatened, and start over.

You're going to have to be prepared for resistance. One reason that you introduce new things into your relationship in private, especially without me around, is that you want to be able to address her objections without an audience. You want this discussion to be personal and private. It's part of your new relationship.

When she throws up verbal resistance, kiss her on her forehead and say something like: "I know you're my Mother, and you know I love and respect you. I also know that you are a beautiful woman, and I cannot help seeing you like that. I'll do my best, and I'll never embarrass you in front of anyone else, but I'll always see you as the most beautiful and desirable woman in my life." If you can get away with it, say that and let it go. Hopefully, she will not pursue it any farther, but if she does always couch your responses with the following in mind: she is beautiful, you love her, you respect her, and she can trust you. You'll do your best, but you're never going to stop seeing her as a beautiful, desirable woman.

She may get a little angry and say something about your not respecting her. You tell her "Of course I respect you. You're my Mother and I love you. I respect you by never touching you or loving you when anyone else can see." She's going to say something like, "But you shouldn't be doing it at all, whether anyone else can see or not." You might respond, "I love you. You're the most special woman in my life, and you always will be. I'll never do anything that might embarrass you in front of anyone else." See what you did? You answered her question, but you didn't say you wouldn't do it anymore and, in fact, you told her you are going to do it again.

You do not burst into tears, say you're sorry, and promise never to do it again. That's what a kid would do. You're a man, loving a woman. If she comes to me with it, which I don't think will happen, I'll talk her off the ledge. Of course, if this happens you will take a pause in your journey, and you will reinforce wherever you were. In other words, if she freaked because you touched her in an inappropriate way, then you keep on hugging her, kissing her, touching her, but just not in that way for awhile. The next time you do it, and there will be a next time, she'll be a little exasperated but she'll not be as mad. Why? Because she really liked it and because you've given her time to process it.

Look, she has to object at some point because she does not want you to think she is easy. She wants your respect, and she's afraid you are treating her like you might treat a "loose" woman. You're going to convince her otherwise, and that you are loving her as you are because you want her more than you've ever wanted anything. She is as scared by this as you are, and she is afraid of making a misstep that will affect your relationship. Go slow, and you will go far.

What if she bends over in front of you and catches you looking down her blouse? What if she turns around and catches you with a laser beam focus on her legs or ass? Her response will be very telling about how well you are doing in your journey. If she says nothing, that tells you a lot, doesn't it? If she gets angry, then key on what she says to you and remember the points above. If she mentions it in a kind of light-hearted way, like, "Eyes up here, Buster," then you respond with something like, "One word. Beautiful."

You might be standing somewhere, with no one around, with your arm around your Mother's waist. You might think it's the appropriate time, and you might move your hand down to cup her ass, just a little. What if she jerks away and says, "That is not very respectful. I'm your Mother, not your girlfriend." You can respond with something like, "I love you more than I will ever love any girlfriend, and of course I respect you. Do you think I would ever do something like that where anyone could see?"

As an aside, I will tell you the most beautiful words you can ever hear in a situation like that: "Don't let your Father see you doing that." Whoo. Think about what those words mean. I hope you hear them someday.

She might pull out the trump card and say, "If you do that again, I'm going to tell your Father." For the love of heaven, DO NOT SAY, "Oh, okay. He's on board with it and even wrote me a letter about how to do it." Now I do not think she will tell me. If you have done it right and have established the foundation of a loving relationship with her, it is such a dramatic change to the way you used to be that she is not going to risk losing it. If she does, I'll cover you. You have to respond somehow, though. How about, "I have been very careful not to do or say anything in front of him that would hurt him. I know you love Dad, and I do, too. But I love you and I can't help it."

She could always bring out the ultimate female defensive/offensive move. She could start to cry. If she does that, give her your now-patented hug and tell her you love her. Tell her you respect her, and you always will. Don't promise to never do it again, because you are going to do it again. Just love her, and get her through this moment. Her tears are probably just a reaction to the extreme emotion she is experiencing, and not that she is deeply hurt. If you deeply hurt her, then you didn't spend enough prep time. Whatever it is, she will work through it. I guarantee you, she will be spending a lot of time thinking about it - and what is she thinking of? Making love with you.

I cannot give you a specific answer to every situation. What I can ask is that you have considered every possible objection she might make, and that you have some sort of answer that you have already thought about. You don't want to fumble, appear unsure, and let her objection take root. You want to couch your response in such a way that her objection becomes a positive, not a negative. The fact that you are having to respond to her objections at all is, believe it or not, a good thing. She is acknowledging that she knows exactly what is going on. She is acknowledging that you, her son, are loving her as a man loves a woman. The more she objects, the more she is reinforcing in her head what is going on. And, she is not really objecting completely. Remember, you've gotten this far in building your relationship together. She's not saying, "No," but she's saying, "Help me understand that this is alright and we won't be hurt." You know your Mother, and you know you can't convince her to do anything she does not want to do. She can, though, convince herself.

These might be some other objections she will present, and I hope you can think of some more. Remember this, though. When she makes an objection to you, what she's really doing is opening a dialogue on the two of you making love together. I'd say when you reach this point, you've come a long way. She's not going to make an objection, hear your response, and then say, "OK, you've convinced me. Let's go." She'll take what you say and spend a day or two thinking about it. But she's thinking about it. She's thinking about making love with you. And, since she opened the dialogue, that afternoon or the next day you can come up behind her, hug her closely from behind, and say, "I love you, Mom. You will always be my special one."

"Stop it. You can't touch me like that."

"I can't help wanting to touch you, and you know it. I will promise to never do it in front of anyone else because I don't want to embarrass you. But remember how much I love you, and part of that is wanting to be closer with you. "

"I'm afraid. We might get caught."

"I'm glad you're afraid. We're going to have to be very careful and if you're afraid, you'll be careful."

"That would be incest. It's wrong."

"Running a red light is wrong. Adultery is illegal, and millions do it every day. We are both adults. What we have between us is a special kind of love, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as no one finds out. And we'll be careful. No one will ever know."

"I don't want to mess you up psychologically."

"Mess me up? Are you the crazy one? I have never felt more alive and more focused than when we are together."

"I couldn't do that to your Father."

"He can never know. All he will see is a son who loves his Mother, and that will make him happy. What we have between us when we are alone will always be just between us."

"I don't want to disappoint you."

"And I don't want to disappoint YOU. All I know is I love you in a way I never thought possible, and I know you love me. Let's just take this a step at a time, and see where it goes."

"Honey, you're still my little boy. I don't want you to focus so much on me. I want you to find a girl, fall in love, and give me grandchildren."

"I'm in love with you, Mother, and I always will be. I am sure that someday I will find a girl, get married, and give you grandchildren. But I will always love you in a way she can never have, and I will always want you. Let's just take this a step at a time."

"I love you, Son, but I'm your Mother, and we just can't do what you want."

First, gently kiss her, and whisper this in her ear: "What I want is to show you how much I love you, Mom. And we can do what we both want. We just have to be very careful, and we have to have rules."

And the rules that you explain to her are:

1. No one can ever know. This is our secret. We never do anything or say anything that might let anyone know. No one can ever know.

2. You are my Mother. I will always love you as my Mother, and I will always respect you completely. I will never do or say anything in public that would reflect disrespectfully on you.

3. You are my Mother. You will always look after me as your Son, and I will respect and obey you as I always have. This will not change the Mother-Son dynamic of our relationship.

4. When we are in public, I will always treat you as a good, loving Son should treat his Mother.

5. When we are alone and safe, I will love you as the beautiful woman you are, and I hope I can always show you that.

I will tell you, if you get to the point that you are explaining the rules, then you are there. You are in. You are where you never thought you could be. A year ago, you barely spoke to your Mother. Now you are explaining to her how you two can make love together. I'd call that progress.