Dawn moved like a geriatric, hobbling to the toilet to empty her gut. She paid for the previous night's indiscretions over and over. Her first college party had been a disaster. Alcohol, fear and Liza Jenning's Sapphic advances had conspired to fog her normally sound judgment. Drunk out of her mind, Dawn had surrendered to Liza's touch. Worse than all that, she'd admitted her most terrible secret, the secret she'd harbored since puberty. She was no different than any other girl; she wanted Jeff.
She wanted her own brother and now he knew. Since high school she had been teased and taunted by her girlfriends about what they wanted to do with Jeff. Some even teased about what she wanted to do, brother or not.
Who wouldn't want Jeff
? While no one would confuse his lanky body for Michelangelo's
David
, there was something undeniably sexy about confidence and Jeff had a surplus of confidence.
The nausea was compounded by a relentless throbbing in her head. It felt like a hot poker was wedged behind her eyes. She was incredibly sick for hours, tracing a path from the bed to the toilet and back. One trip she found the bathroom door locked. Swallowing the sick taste in her mouth, she waited as Jeff flushed and washed.
He emerged from the bathroom, grinning as he brushed the dark hair from his eyes. Jeff's smile was so wicked; it made the bile rise in her throat. She didn't make it to the toilet. Fortunately, it was the last time she would throw up so there wasn't much of a mess to clean.
Once her stomach settled she eased her way to the kitchen. Dawn wanted nothing to do with food but Daddy and Jeff would be down soon and breakfast was one of the many responsibilities she had taken upon herself as of late. She found a box of buttermilk waffles in the freezer and toasted them, two at a time. Jeff was the first to arrive in the kitchen. After sniffing the air he gave her another wicked smile.
He suffered no ill effects from the party nor from the alcohol he'd consumed; the fact that he devoured half a waffle in one bite testified to that. The party was a blur to Dawn. She remembered her date with Ronnie and that he'd abandoned her soon after their arrival. Whatever attraction the senior had had for her was dissolved the moment he found easier quarry. She remembered Jase Riley, the tall, untidy slacker whom she'd thought so sweet. He was anything but. The strange purple drink he'd given her had been laced with a drug that ravaged her body and wrecked her inhibitions. She remembered being naked with Liza and Jeff. The threesome never quite made it off the ground but the other woman had brought her to an orgasm. On top of all that, Dawn had glimpsed the holy grail of every horny girl on campus. She had seen Jeff Kramer naked.
She wondered if last night was on his mind at all. Had Daddy not been so swift to join them, she would have asked.
"I talked to the AD yesterday," Jeff said to no one and everyone. "The scouts have been telling him that I should get drafted in the third round, the second if I get lucky," he gave a wink that turned Dawn's stomach anew, "and I always get lucky." He sliced a triangle from the waffle on his plate and dipped it in maple syrup. "One pro contract will pay me more money than you'll make in your entire life." He may have been looking at her but the jab was directed at Daddy. Twenty-three years was long enough for Jeff to make bragging an art.
"Too bad the university won't let you major in Jeff Kramer," she said. "It's the only subject that seems to interest you." With each word the pain behind her eyes grew worse. She forked her own waffle, a black ringed thing that had spent too much time in the toaster.
"Too bad," he echoed. "I bet there'd be a ton of hot women in
that
class."
Sex. It was the one and only activity he put ahead of football (that and self-admiration). Each week he had a new companion. Tall, short, blond, brunette, it didn't matter to Jeff as long as she was easy. Of course, to say his girlfriends were all sluts was not really accurate. Jeff was beautiful, in so far as it was possible for a man to be beautiful, and he had a way of charming females. Intelligent, otherwise mature females would turn into gooey little puddles to spend an evening on his arm. Considering all the women he'd been with, it's a miracle he hadn't caught some kind of penis rotting disease.
"What do you plan on doing with all of that wealth?" Daddy hid behind the folded façade of the morning paper.
"Buy a brand new house. Mansion, shack, it doesn't matter, as long as I get the hell away from
you
." Jeff chewed savagely and swallowed. "Then, I don't know... I'll probably spend the rest on women or myself." More than likely he would spend it on himself.
Daddy folded the paper. He shook his head, a sure sign that it was lecture time. "When I got my first contract from Minnesota I invested half the money with a brokerage firm. The interest is paying for your educations."
"
This
is paying for my education." Jeff lifted his left arm and peeled back the sleeve of his undershirt. He flexed an almost nonexistent bicep.
"You know what makes me sick, Jeff? Gifted kids like your sister are forced to pay their own way while brainless jocks get the free rides."
Jeff smirked. "Maybe if you had been a better baseball player you could have sent your little Sunshine to a better school." Dawn shrank in her seat. Why was she always dragged into their arguments?
"When I played ball there were only a few millionaires." She wished Daddy would shut up. Playing Jeff's game was a mistake. "I always made enough to provide for my family."
"Yes, and what luxurious surroundings you've provided." The house was old, and in a deteriorating part of town. "The wonderful shag carpet has fed generations of gypsy moths, the roof is the envy of Swiss cheese farmers, and the basement is perfumed by the lovely scent of backed up plumbing because your gifted little Sunshine flushed used tampons down the toilet when she was twelve."
Daddy took a sip of coffee and placed the mug back on the table. He tried to match Jeff's eerie calmness but it was impossible. "You think it's easy, Jeff? You think it's easy doing it all alone? Believe it or not, one of these days you're going to want a family of your own, a wife, kids. You have no idea how much I'm going to pity them." He gathered the paper and started reading again.
Jeff showed no overt signs of being upset but Dawn could feel his anger. It was an ugly, living thing.
Let it go. Please Jeff, just let it go
.
"Every waking hour I wish it had been
you
and not her."
Daddy crushed the paper in his fists. Dawn covered her gaping mouth; she had never seen him so upset. Daddy's eyes looked wild, like some kind of wounded animal's. He wanted to hurt Jeff, that was plain to see but there was something else, something undeniably sad. He rose from the chair and slammed the newspaper on top of the syrupy plate. "I wish," Daddy's eyes were hard but his voice was soft, "I wish it had been me too." Regardless of what either wished, it was Mom's place at the kitchen table that sat empty.
