"Because you're my mother and I'm your son," he said averting his stare when he caught himself staring at the shape of her ample breasts through her blouse and bra. Instead of telling her the truth, instead of telling her that he didn't trust himself to sleep in the same bed with her, he gave her a lame excuse. "People will talk."
For all that he was incestuously and sexually thinking about his mother, now he looked at her with embarrassment, guilt, and shame and she looked at him with anger and frustration. The best excuse, the only excuse that he could come up with was that people would talk. Well, that excuse was enough to set her off on a tirade.
"People?" She laughed. "What people? We don't have any people," she said with rage. "With no one lifting a finger to help us, we're all alone in this world. Just as you're the only one that I have, I'm the only one that you have. It's just us against the world Michael. It's just us against the world."
She looked at him with tears in her eyes.
"Sorry Mom," he said.
Not wanting to upset her any more than she already was, instead of going to her to hold her and hug her, he just stood there and stared at his mother. Afraid to touch her, he feared that he'd try to kiss her while feeling her through her clothes. Besides, afraid to touch her when she was like this, he knew she needed to have her moment to vent. She needed to rant and to rave. She needed to get it all out of her system. She needed to think. She always came up with a plan and/or an idea to move them higher up the ladder of the food chain after she thought about what to do next. Once she cleared her mind of old problems, she always found the solutions to the new ones. Leave it to her, she always came up with an idea before developing a plan.
Yet, with her always in control before, seemingly she was losing it now. With him always trusting her judgment before, he didn't know if he could trust her judgment now. Maybe, with her getting pregnant right after graduating college, still angry more than twenty years later that she didn't live her dream of having the ideal life, she was getting too old to continue to fight. Maybe her days of battling the demons that hid in the dark to prey on the helpless and the powerless are over. Maybe with her unable to fight the good fight anymore she had resigned herself to accepting the misery that was now her life. With her protesting and taking a stand against those people who abused their power and their influence, maybe now she realized, as one, lone woman against a barrage of rich and powerful men, that there's nothing that she can do.
"We had no one offering us a place to stay," she said with her voice shaking and her finger wagging. "Even after I told them all that we were losing the house and were going to be put out on the street, not willing to beg, our friends and neighbors didn't lift a finger to help us. As if we were diseased and were already gone from their lives and from their minds, they turned their backs on us, closed their doors, and shaded their windows," she said.
Having gone through it all with her too, he looked at her with understanding eyes. Even when she was this angry, she was so pretty. Even when she was out of her mind with rage, he wanted to hold her and kiss her while feeling her through her clothes. A sexist remark and yet another incestuous thought, maybe she needs to get laid.
He'd love nothing more than to make love to his mother. He'd love nothing more than to fuck his mother. He'd love nothing more than to pound her pussy until she had orgasm. Then, maybe she'd be so grateful that he gave her an orgasm, with his cock, she'd give him one with her mouth. He couldn't help but wonder if giving his mother hot sex would relax her. Only, with him her son and she his mother, giving his mother hot sex would no doubt make her even more crazed.
"Mom, I'm sure that if they knew how bad it was, they would have helped us," he said trying to calm her.
Instead he riled her even more. She looked at him with fire in her eyes. She looked at him as if he was the enemy.
"They saw us standing out in the street with our furniture. They knew we were out there. They saw you loading the rental truck. Still no one lifted a finger to help us," she said looking as if she was about to cry. "They didn't even offer us a cup of coffee or ask where we were going?"
Michael looked at his mother with sadness. She was all he had. He didn't want her flipping out now. He didn't know what he'd do if he didn't have his mother in his life.
"Mom, it's okay. We'll get through this. Don't worry," said Michael. "Calm down. Take a breath. Relax," he said.
Only when he looked over at her, having seen her like this before, she was getting angrier instead of calmer. As if she was Granny Clampett jumping up and down on the front porch while holding a shotgun in readiness to shoot revenuers, he was glad that his mother didn't have a gun.
"When I think about all the food and booze that I put out every Halloween to entertain the whole neighborhood, now that we're in our time of need, not one person offered their help. Well, they can all go and fuck themselves. Do you hear me?" She looked up at the ceiling. "Fuck you too God because there is no God for something like this to happen to good people. It's apparent to me now that God is dead but the Devil is alive and well and he's right here sitting beside me on this bed in this stinking motel room in Thousand Oaks, California."
Michael walked over to his mother and took her in his arms to give her a hug. When hugging her, instead of thinking about losing the house and instead of thinking about comforting her, perversely and incestuously, all he could think about was that he could feel the back of her C cup bra through her blouse with his horny fingers. When he hugged her, he imagined having sex with his mother. When he hugged her, all he could think of is how good it felt to feel his mother's firm body against his hard body. When he hugged her, he imagined kissing her while feeling her through her clothes.
If he was horny before, after hugging his mother he was even hornier now. Holding his mother, his dream woman, made him sexually want her even more. He wished he could have sex with her. While hugging her, he so wanted to reach down and feel her ass while squeezing her ass but he didn't dare. Not wanting to disrespect her, especially at a time like this, she had already been through enough. She didn't need him making an incestuous, sexual pass at her.
Besides, his mother wasn't like that. She wasn't a slut or a whore. She wasn't into incest in the way he was into incest when thinking about having sex with his mother whenever he was masturbating himself. Knowing his mother, she probably doesn't even masturbate. Knowing his mother, she probably doesn't sexually think about him in the way that he sexually thinks about her. Knowing his mother, she'd think him a monster if ever he made his incestuous feelings known by making a sexual pass at her. Especially at a time like this, when she was so upset over losing the house, how dare he even think of having sex with his mother?
"Don't upset yourself again Mom. What's done is done. We did everything we could to keep the house. We fought the good fight," he said knowing that he was lying and that they were helpless and unable to put up any fight against the bank taking their home.
With her clinging on to him, hanging onto him and holding him tight as if he was her husband instead of her son, he imagined leaning down to kiss her. He imagined parting her lips with his tongue and French kissing his mother. He imagined making out with his mother while feeling her beautiful body through her clothes. With him living in a small room with his mother while continually breathing in the same air, feeling as if he was even more part of her than just being her son, his incestuous thoughts were inflamed and amplified.
"We never should have bought that house. That house was evil from the start," she said looking like she was going to cry again. "The Devil lived in that house."
Michael kissed his mother on the forehead even though he so wanted to kiss her on her lips.
"Don't get yourself upset all over again. It's over. The worst has happened. Actually, that's not even the worst that could have happen. We're both healthy and alive," he said. "Tomorrow is a new day and our fresh start. We'll look for a place to stay this weekend. This isn't so bad," he said looking around the small room. "There's everything we need here and food is just a block away."
* * * * *
In the way she had always encouraged him and made him feel better about his failures and his disappointments, he did the same for her. They were their own cheering club. Soon to find out, he wondered what it would be like living in this small room with his mother. Definitely, it wouldn't be so bad. They liked one another. They were not just mother and son, they were friends, best friends.
Yet, living in such a small place and a suffocating space with his mother would be so much better if he was sexually intimate with her. Even though he knew he'd never know what it would be like to be intimate with his mother, he wondered what it would feel like to kiss her, French kiss her. Even though he knew she'd never agree to have sex with him, he wondered what it would feel like to make love to his mother. Then, suddenly feeling perversely perverted, he wondered what it would feel like to fuck his mother, really pound her pussy to orgasmic pleasure. Humping her harder and humping her faster, he'd love to hear her breathing hard in his ear.