Loving Son III : Our Future?
© 2025 cv andrews
Together Lainey and I have developed a "comfortable" life. First, we are
a couple.
We do things
together
. We go places
together
. We present ourselves, to others and to the world,
together, as a couple.
We are partners. We address life's challenges and experience life's pleasures and rewards together, as partners. We look after each other and take care of each other, like partners do.
We are lovers, sexual partners. We take sexual pleasure from each other. We satisfy each other's physical needs and we excite each other's minds and imaginations.
And every night, we fall asleep in each other's arms.
And that's why, after more than three years of our being 'like this," Lainey asked me one evening...
"Jimmy, when was the last time you had a date?"
~ ~ ~
"Jimmy, when was the last time you had a date?"
At first I didn't understand what she was asking. Once I finally convinced myself that I'd heard what I thought I heard I smiled and took her hand.
"Just last night. And it was fantastic."
She freed her hand and lightly slapped mine. "No - I mean a
real
date - a date with a girl - a woman - one you could possibly think of having a future with."
Her words took me completely off-guard. I've never had a thought about a life with anyone else but Lainey
"I already have a future - a fantastic future - with
you
."
"You know that's not what I mean, Jimmy."
No, I did
not
know that's not what she meant.
"You should have a girlfriend of your own. A
permanent
girlfriend."
I had no idea where this was coming from. Like I said, I never thought of Lainey - of her and me - as anything other than "permanent." But she went on.
"Jimmy, you're at an age when you should start thinking seriously about having a family. And you know - and it hurts for me to say this - but as much as I love you, and as much as we love each other - and we do...," she stopped, and she put her arm around my neck and lifted her lips to me and kissed me, the tenderest, most loving kiss imaginable, "And as much as we love each other, I can't be the one to give you that family."
I felt myself tearing up. I love her so much, and for me to hear those words - and for
her
to have to say them - I could almost literally feel my heart breaking.
And part of the reason for my heartbreak was... she was right. My beautiful, loving Lainey is right. I always talked about having a family "some day" because my wonderful parents taught me how wonderful it was to have a family and how I'd "have a family of my own one day."
Yet at the same time, the woman who I loved most in the world was right - she couldn't be the one to give me that family that I desired..
I finally lost it. I broke down in tears, and Lainey - Elaine, my mother - held me to her breast and kissed my head and tried to comfort me - comfort and reassure me, like she's done all my life.
And I could feel her tears as they ran down her cheeks.
~ ~ ~
Lainey is a beautiful, elegant, sexy woman and a passionate and uninhibited lover.
But she's also a mother. And she's been a mother much longer than she's been my lover and my partner and my love.
And mothers worry about their children, and especially about their sons, and about their futures.
Yes, I've dated a fair amount (although certainly not in the last three years!). And all the girls - women - that I've dated have been appealing - smart and attractive and had good personalities, and most of them had a healthy enjoyment of sex. But as Mom - Lainey - observed, that Saturday morning ages ago - even the relationships that I'd had hope for had for some reason never quite panned out.
And now, in my early thirties, Lainey thought that it was time for me to get cracking.
"Jimmy, there's this woman I work with at Hansco Tool. I think you should meet her."
Jeez, Mom! Is there anything worse than a mother fix-up - and one that's especially bizarre in light of Lainey's and my relationship?
"Uh, Lainey, I'm sure that she's attractive and very nice, but to tell the truth, I don't feel like spending time with anyone else but you."
There. I hoped that saying it like that would be a graceful, positive way of putting her off.
Nope. Mothers gotta be mothers.
"I told her about you, and she said she'd like to meet you. I'm sure that she was half-humoring me, being polite and all. But I think the other half was serious - that she's interested and
would
like to meet you."
"But..."
"So I told her you'd call her tonight or tomorrow."
"Jeez, Lainey, did you really... do I have to...?" sounding more and more exactly like a whining teenager, which is what I realized I was becoming.
"Tonight or tomorrow. Don't embarrass me."
In a more conciliatory, supportive tone, she said, "I know, Jimmy - it's a little awkward, and especially at your age, and a... and someone in my position. But Jimmy, if you don't call Kathy I think you'll be making a big mistake."
Aww-right, Mom, I'll call.
~ ~ ~