I woke up early the next morning, feeling better than I had in a very long time. I felt giddy, filled with energy and life, like nothing could stop me. And then it hit me. I began worrying about what had happened the night before, and what Mackenzie and I had done.
I had woke up with the intention of doing something nice, something wonderful, something truly fantastic, because that was how I was feeling. Even though my worries were getting the better part of me, I decided to still go through with making breakfast and so I found myself in the kitchen, in my pajama bottoms, cooking eggs and bacon, and hash browns. I even put a batch of cinnamon rolls in the oven.
Soon enough, the whole house smelled like fresh baked cinnamon rolls and as I pulled them out and started coating them with the icing, I head Jennifer's bedroom door open.
"Oh my gosh," Jennifer said as she came stumbling into the kitchen, bleary-eyed. "That smells so good."
"Hey sweetie," I said, giving her a kiss on the forehead. "I made breakfast."
"I see that," she said, snatching a piece of bacon off the paper towel-lined plate.
I grabbed a plate and served her up some of the eggs, put a few more pieces of bacon next to them, and then deposited a cinnamon roll next to that. "There's orange juice in the fridge," I said, giving her a smile.
"Dad...?" Jennifer questioned. I felt my stomach lurch and my heart skipped a beat. I sucked in a breath, ready for the worst of the worst. "I...uh.... About last night...."
I clenched my jaw tight, fearing the worst, but given the circumstances, I thought she was handling it pretty well.
"I... Look, I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head. I figured, at this point, honesty was the best policy and I was just going to fess up, admit I'd fucked up, and swear to god that I would never do it again. "I..."
"You don't have to apologize," Jennifer said then, her cheeks turning red.
"No, no, I do," I said, pressing my point. "I...was out of line. I shouldn't have done that. Any of that."
"Jesus Dad," Jennifer said.
"No, I know, I do, but, you know.... It just felt so good." Jennifer's face turned an even darker shade of red and I shook my head ashamedly. "It was late. I was tired. I...my mood was just, I don't know. Something about the move really got to me I guess."
"Well, yeah," Jennifer said, laughing light heartedly.
"And then, once I started, I just couldn't stop. But, I swear to god, I'm done with that. I won't ever do it again. I swear."
"No!" Jennifer said then as if I was making a big mistake. "No, you... don't do that. No, it's perfectly normal Dad. Jesus. You have emotions, you have needs. I know that."
"You do?" I asked, and it was my face that turned five shades of red.
"Yeah. We all do. I mean, you know... everyone does it."
I shook my head, not wanting to admit it, but she was right. It seemed everyone was fucking everyone nowadays. Nobody really put much investment in solid long-term relationships. It was all about "hooking up" and having "casual sex".
"Smash or pass," I said, repeating something I'd heard online. Jennifer looked up at me with wide-opened eyes and blinked dumbly. "That's what they say, isn't it? Smash or pass?"
"I mean, yeah, I guess," Jennifer replied. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I...I don't know. What does it mean?"
Jennifer burst out laughing so hard, she almost dropped her plate and had to set it on the counter to keep from dumping it. When she finally calmed down enough to regain her composure, she said, "Smash or pass is like...a thing. Where a guy who really doesn't, uh...get a lot of dates...he might ask a girl, smash or pass. It's...I don't know. It's like, don't waste my time. Am I the kind of person, just based on looks alone, that you would...you know...have sex with."
"Wait. So smash or pass is like saying, would you fuck me?" I asked.
"It is exactly that," Jennifer said, laughing hard at my embarrassment.
"Okay, well...then I guess an old dog can learn new tricks," I said and I shook my head, embarrassed once again. "But I'm serious. I won't ever do that again, I swear," I said.
"No Dad. Please, look. I get it! You have that DVD in the player like, all the time." I felt my face burn red hot as Jennifer called me out on my porn. "And I can tell when you've been watching it," she said, and then her face turned even brighter red. "It's not like I'm coming home from work and going to the DVD player and looking to see what you've been watching that day."
I turned my head away, now thoroughly embarrassed because, I had known Jennifer had watched the DVD as well. I'd stopped it right after my favorite scenes a number of times, only to power the DVD player up later on and find it at a different spot. I entertained the idea that the player had simply run without me knowing it, or had skipped a chapter or two, but now I knew. I knew Jennifer had been curious, and she was an adult now. She wasn't a child anymore. She could watch porn if she wanted. For God's sake, she had her own T.V. and her own DVD player in her bedroom.
"Look. Everyone watches porn. Even I do," Jennifer said then. "You don't have to swear it off or promise to never watch it again. I just wanted to tell you, I didn't mean to interrupt."
My jaw dropped open and I stood there, unable to breathe. "You...didn't interrupt," I said.
"Well, it sure seemed like it from what I saw," she said, her face turning almost purple. "Nope. Not, going there. I wasn't trying to watch or catch you, or...any of that. You're entitled to your privacy."
Slowly, I nodded my head. "You too," I said.
"And I thank you for that," she said, giving me a peck on the cheek. "I, uh...don't know how long Mackenzie is planning on staying," she said after another moment. I could tell she thought I would be upset by her statement, but at this point, I wasn't. I was oblivious.
"She can stay as long as she wants," I said.
"Really?" Jennifer asked, a curious look of disbelief coming over her face.