Matriarch

Just one part of my journey over the next few years was learning how to be the best at oral sex. I was able to get them off fast or slow. I could make the guys feel like they were on a date with a high school crush or be the best high end whore in town. I could do it with or without my hands, and could even get two or three guys off at the same time.

I learned how to take two and three guys at a time, and I could make a little guy feel like he had a huge package. I could take big ones with no trouble in any of my three pleasure holes, which is what my husband call them. He used me for his own pleasure, to punish me, to hold parties and even for business. While I was in shock at the beginning, I began to love my new role, wanting and needing the attention.

Along the way, he trained me and taught me and explained not just what to do, but how and why to do it. My training wasn't just sex. It was about every part of my life. I started by toning myself and parting with the leftover baby body. Once I started, I found it wasn't hard at all, and I had been making excuses for myself. I was able to fit into my summer dress within about 60 days, give or take a few.

I worked out every day, and by the time our son came along, I was active and fit. The baby slipped out with little effort and very little pain, and I was back in shape in record time. It was the same with all of the kids. The more I worked at keeping myself healthy, the better I felt and I rarely felt unwell.

For a while, my husband planned out every minute of every day. I found myself following a schedule that made me feel like a super mom. I had a ton of energy, every corner of my house, inside and out was in perfect order. By keeping my activities to a timed effort, I found I had more time with my baby and had more than enough time for intimate time with my husband.

Along the way, I acted out or dragged on some things to invite punishment. There is no better feeling than getting 100% attention from another person. I enjoyed every second of these times, and found myself craving more, even when he had me satisfy women with my mouth. He often had me talk in a very filthy way just to make me blush, and had me walking around in public in outfits where you could see all of my goodies on display.

He explained life to me in a way no one ever had. I found myself becoming a better and stronger person, even as I turned over my will to him. I was happy to do it, and felt just lost when he died. I never thought I could be as happy. Then my son took over and took me to new levels. Although my husband brought our daughters into our lifestyle as they came of age, he left our son to find his own way. My son exceeded our expectations.

My husband was a simple man in many ways, although some others thought of him as a complex personality. He had respect for life and living in a way that never blurred lines and boundaries. He believed that there was wisdom of age, and that our grandparents had it right when they coined certain phrases and philosophies.

One of his very real values was that children should be seen and not heard. He interpreted this idea in his own way, but every aspect of it made sense to me. There were a lot of parts to this, but the one that stood out was that there was and should be an unbreakable bond between husband and wife. A couple, in love commit to each other, usually in front of family and friends, in a religious ceremony.

Fast forward to the birth of a child. Some people take on the thought process that the child is the most important thing in their life. Now, there is a divide in the couple, since one or both are, by default relegated to a number two or three spot. Add to that the natural tendency of a child to divide and conquer, and you have a perfect storm that can and often does lead to fighting, jealousy, infidelity and divorce.

Both parents blame the other, when their own weak position was what put them at risk. The parents need to be united and unbreakable. There has to be no divide between them. The idea that a child should ever hear that he or she is the most important thing in life creates a child that feels entitled to be the head of the household. It becomes reward with no responsibility.

The additional risk is that the child will leave home at some point. Since the child was number one, the parents haven't connected on a real level for a long time. Now there is estrangement and parents that still cling to living through their adult children. Now they are attached to the grandchildren, becoming free baby sitters, financially supporting their offspring and further dividing the original couple.

I have to say that once I embraced this idea, we had a wonderful marriage. Even without our extra activities, our family moved in unison. We had direction, respect for one another and knew our position. We had a head of the household and he steered our ship. I watched my friend's families fall apart, and my life was full of tears on the outside for them, but full of love and purpose on the inside.

The couples outside our family were always looking for love. They broke up and divorced, remarried and broke up again. Their children didn't talk to them, and they never saw their children or grandchildren unless they were being hit up for money. My friends, over the years cried on my shoulder. They would drop away as their lives fell apart. They always asked what our secret was.

Of course, we didn't tell them. We were happy because we didn't fight among ourselves. We each knew our place and didn't rock the boat. We worked out disagreements in a healthy way. We also enjoyed a lot of sex and a life style that many people only dream about. We had a leader, and we followed. We found that a couple that is always fighting for the top position never accomplishes anything.

We had one son and three girls. My son was the second child, but he acted like the oldest. Even as a young boy, he was very protective of his sisters. My husband taught him well. My husband kept a lot of our life hidden, not because of kids, friends or family, but because he didn't believe it was anyone's business. He also expanded our house and the land around us to give us more space and more privacy.

No one ever suspected the things that happened in our house, and even if they did, we wouldn't have changed a single thing. Our life worked. In the beginning, it took me a while to find myself. I agreed to my position out of fear and other unhealthy emotions. As I settled into my position and accepted my role I realized that I had more freedom and power than I ever imagined.

It didn't come without practice. I was locked within my house and myself for the first couple of months. This was partly because of my having no clothes and partly because of my own choice. With no outside activities, I could devote myself to finding myself. Little by little, I began to appreciate things that I had taken for granted. There were many sacrifices along the way.