Mom and Me

My name is James and I am sitting here typing in the dark. It is three am and again I can't sleep. I am trying to get things straight in my head, all the things that happened to me in the last year. If I can get them straight, understand them, I think I can end the torment that is, I fear, driving me insane. I look at the little brown bottle on the floor beside my bed. It is my motivation.

I was in my teens living at home with my mom. I was in high school. My dad had died in an accident at work two years before. I didn't have any brothers or sisters. Mom had held me at the hospital when dad died and told me I was the man in the family now. I stopped crying and watched my mom crying and I told her I would take care of her. She clutched me to her and I remember thinking how very much I loved her. One night in summer mom and I were sitting out in the screen porch listening to the crickets and watching the stars and the moon. All the lights were off so that we could see in the dark. Mom had a sad far away look in her eyes. I asked her "mom do you miss dad." She looked at me and sighed. "Yes Jimmy. I miss him very much." "What do you miss about him." I miss the way he used to hold me in his arms when we went to bed and the house was quiet. I miss his hugs and his kisses. I miss the long walks we took in the evening watching the sunset." I rose from my chair and went to her. I leaned down and hugged her and gave her a kiss on the mouth. I told her "I love you mom and any time you want a hug or a kiss you can come to me." she looked me in the eyes and I could see her tears and she said "I love you too honey, and I will." she kissed me and pulled me to her. I could feel her breasts through her thin summer dress. Her nipples were hard and I felt them. Without knowing why my penis started getting hard. Mom could feel it against her stomach and she sighed again. She kissed me again and lingered with her lips against mine. I could feel her warm breath in my mouth and against my face. When she pulled back I stepped back confused and a little embarrassed. "I...I better go to bed mom." I turned and walked to the door. "Good night honey." Her voice sounded different lower like she was out of breath. I went up to my room, undressed and got into bed. Why had my penis grown hard when mom kissed me and I felt her nipples and her breasts against my chest. I couldn't sleep. I lay awake thinking about mom and my penis got hard again. Why was this happening. After a while I heard mom in her room and then in the bathroom. The door to my room opened and I could see mom in her nightgown. The light from the streetlight coming through the hall window was behind her and I could see the shape of her body through her nightgown. As she stood there my penis stiffened until it stood straight up pushing the sheet. Mom walked toward me and sat on the edge of my bed. My eyes were closed. I felt her pull the sheet down off me. Her hand untied my pajamas and freed my penis. Her had gripped it lightly and I felt her mouth around the head sucking, and her tongue licking. I shuddered. It felt so good, like nothing I had ever felt before. She lowered her mouth until the head touched the back of her throat. Slowly she moved her mouth up and down licking and sucking me. "Oh" escaped my lips. Mom pulled off me and said "relax Jimmy I need this and it will feel so good to you." her mouth returned and she continued to suck and lick me. I felt her hand gently grasp my balls and roll them between her fingers. It all felt so wonderful it almost hurt. "Oh mom" I cried as my penis exploded in her mouth. She sucked and sucked it and I could hear her swallow. My penis still stood erect and mom rose. She lifted her nightgown over her head and let it fall to the floor. She climbed on top of me and lowered herself down until my penis felt like it was gripped in a warm wet glove. I could feel her squeeze it. She started lifting up and sitting down over and over and it felt so good just like she said it would. Mom moved faster and faster. Sweat was flying from her face and breasts raining down on me. Finally she shrieked and I felt her squeeze me again and again and I exploded again inside her. Mom slumped down on top of me. We were both sweating and our slippery skin slid against one another. After a few minutes mom rolled off my and snuggled up to my side. She kissed my cheek and then my mouth. "Thank you baby that was wonderful. Did you like it." "Yes mom it felt wonderful. Nothing ever felt that good." "I am glad you liked it honey. It has been so long since I made love to anyone I was going crazy. Thank you for caring about me and wanting to make me happy." she kissed me again and we lay quietly until we fell asleep.

After that first night mom came into my room every night and we made love. It never felt wrong. We loved each other. Mom told me we could never let anyone know what we did and why. I promised I would never tell anyone. Before the summer was over mom and I were making love three or four times a day. She stopped wearing underwear and made me stop too. It was easier that way to slip into her in the kitchen or at night on the porch. In the bathroom each morning she had me bathe her. She started calling me her love toy which I found I liked. One rainy day two weeks before school started I was reading on the porch mom called out to me. I went into the living room and she was sitting on the sofa. She said "kneel in front of me." I did. She said "unbutton my skirt." happily I did as she asked. "Put your face between my legs and lick my slit." I was surprised. I had never done this before. "Do it," she said in a stern voice. I did as she asked and placing my mouth against her slit I started to lick it. She moaned and put her hands on the back of my head and pushed my face into her open slit. She bucked her hips running her slit from my chin to my forehead. "Stick out your tongue. Get it deep inside me. Lick me boy." Mom had never spoken to me so harshly. Had I done something to make her angry. I tried to pull my face back to ask her what I had done. How I had made her angry. "Don't you dare stop." she pulled my face hard against her. When she finally gasped and I felt her warm fluid fill my mouth she pushed me away. I looked up at her and touched her leg. She slapped my hand away. "Mom what's wrong did I do something to make you angry." She opened her eyes and looked down at me. "Jimmy we can't make love anymore." why mom I thought you liked it, and I like it. Why can't we make love to each other anymore." "Because it is wrong for a mother and son to do that." "But mom I thought you loved me and wanted to make love to me." "Jimmy I know you don't understand this but what we have been doing is wrong and it stops now. What you just did, licking me I will permit but you will never put your penis inside me again. If I want that I will find another man to do it with." "I don't want to lick you mom I want to make love to you." "Don't argue with me Jimmy you will do what you are told. Now go to your room." I ran crying to my room. What had happened why was mom so mad at me. I lay there all afternoon and into the evening. Mom never came to see me. I cried myself to sleep. In the morning I went into the bathroom. When I returned to get dressed mom was sitting on the edge of my bed in her robe. "Kneel in front of me Jimmy." "No mom I don't want to do that." "As long as you live in this house you will do what ever I tell you to do. Now kneel in front of me and lick me." "I won't." She rose and walked to me. She reached up to my head with both hands. I thought she was going to kiss me. She grabbed my ears between her fingers and pulled down. It really hurt. She pulled harder till my knees buckled. She pulled open her robe and thrust her slit against my mouth. I wouldn't do it. She was being so mean. She rubbed her slit against me so hard I couldn't breath. My mouth gasped open for air but she pushed in harder to cover it. I refused to lick her and she refused to back off. My head was light. I felt dizzy. I awoke on the floor of my room. Mom was gone. I got dressed and went to look for her. She was not in the house. I went out and walked up town trying to find her. I thought about what had happened but I didn't understand it. Three hours later I returned home.

Mom was sitting in the living room talking to Marie Davis, a young widow who lived two blocks away. Marie was very pretty. She was mom's best friend in town. Mom turned to me and said "come in here Jimmy. I want to talk to you." I went in and stood in front of mom. "I told Marie what we have been doing and how guilty I feel for doing it. It was wrong. It was dirty and it has to stop. I want you to lick me whenever I want and I don't want you to fight it. I also know you need to have sex with someone. After all we did this summer I can't expect you to quit so I asked Marie to have sex with you so you can get some satisfaction. From now on you will do as I say and if you satisfy me I will let you go over to see Marie as a reward and she will let you have sex with her. Does that satisfy you." I looked at her in terror. This was not my mom. How could she tell someone else what we did together in love. How could she pick someone to have sex with. I didn't want to have sex with this woman or anyone else. I couldn't speak. What could I say. Well Jimmy, I want an answer. Will this satisfy your lust for sex. "I don't want to have sex with her," I screamed. "Marie'" mom shouted. Marie jumped up from her chair behind me and grabbed my arms. Mom rose and came to me with a rope in her hands. She went behind me and tied my hands. I struggled to get free but Marie was bigger than me. When my hands were tied I screamed at mom to stop this to untie me. She slapped me hard across the face and told me to shut up. Marie unfastened my jeans and pulled them down. Marie laughed when she saw I wore no underpants. Marie grasped my penis and started to stroke it. I backed away and started to run, but mom tripped me and I crashed to the floor. Marie sat down on my shoulders. Mom stuffed something into my mouth that was moist and smelled like a woman smells, but it wasn't my mom's smell. It must have been Marie's panties. "Don't fight this Jimmy. You know you want it. Just do what we tell you and you will see I know what is best for you." I started to struggle again and Marie started to spank my upturned ass. "Lay still little boy. Don't make me hurt you," Marie said with a giggle. Mom left the room. She came back and showed me a belt. "If you don't stop fighting us I am going to whip your ass," mom said. I heard a whoosh and felt a horrible sting on my ass. Again and again she whipped my ass. I started to cry and choke but she never let up. She kept whipping me. When I finally collapsed Marie got off me and the two women lifted me and rolled me over. My arm's ached and my butt was on fire. Marie started to stroke my penis up and down. It started to rise. Mom removed her dress and stood looking down at me smiling. "You are going to love this Jimmy. You will see. Just remember, don't ever disobey me or I will whip you again." when my penis was hard Marie sat down on it and started to move up and down. "He's pretty big for such a little boy," Marie said. Mom straddled my head and lowered her slit to my mouth. "You had better start licking me Jimmy. I want you to make me come four times and your not getting up until you do. I licked my mother and she moaned. Marie leaned toward her and kissed mom's breast. Mom kissed her as she touched her breasts. Both women kept moving on me till Marie gasped and squeezed me again and again. I came inside her as I licked my mother. I was crying the whole time. Marie got off me and took my penis into her mouth. I heard a squishing sound and felt something pushing into my butt. It was her finger and it hurt like hell. I screamed into my mom's open slit and both women laughed at me. Mom came again and again. She would lift off me from time to time so that I could gasp in some air. Marie kept torturing my ass with one then two and finally three fingers. Marie said "if I get him stretched enough I can get a strap on dildo and fuck his ass next time." mom laughed and said Jimmy don't worry she is only teasing you. You know we would never do anything to hurt you." Not hurt me. What the fuck did she think she had been doing to me for the last couple hours. When mom had her last orgasm, I don't know how many she rose and took Marie into her arms and kissed her. Marie got dressed and mom walked her to the door. "Don't worry Marie. He will calm down and do what we tell him to do, and we can have all the sex we want whenever we want. We will all have such fun together. Marie left and mom came in and untied me. She gently kissed my lips and said, "I love you Jimmy, and I know what is best for all of us. I need you and Marie has had no one to satisfy her for a long time. We will both take care of you and you will come to love it." she kissed me again. She left me there and went upstairs. I slept on the floor after crying myself to sleep.

I awoke before dawn stiff and sore. My ass inside and out hurt like hell. I went upstairs and washed at the sink. I didn't want the shower to wake her up. My face and genitals were crusty from the two women. When I was clean I went to my room and got dressed. When I was ready I went down stairs and ate a bowl of cereal. I wrote a note for mom and left it on the table. I got my bike out of the garage and rode over to Maries. It was just getting light when I arrived. I rang her door bell several times before I saw a light come on inside. Marie opened the door dressed in a robe. "Jimmy what are you doing here so early. You want more sex so soon. It's awfully early but come in. You can give me a bath and then we can have some fun. She smiled sweetly at me. I hit her so hard on the nose I felt and heard bones crack. Blood was everywhere. I hit her in the eye and in the mouth. She collapsed on the floor. I pulled open her robe and saw her slit between her legs. She moaned as she returned to consciousness. I kicked her as hard as I could in her slit three times. She screamed and passed out. I took the belt from her robe and tied her hands behind her. When she woke up I was standing looking down on her. "That was for raping me you dirty bitch. I am going to the police and telling them how you and mom raped me." Jimmy we didn't rape you. We were just having fun. Don't tell the police. If you don't want to have sex I won't bother you again. Let me go and I will call your mom. I am so sorry if we hurt you. We didn't mean to. We were just trying to get you used to having sex with both of us so that we could all have fun together." "I had more fun doing what I just did than when you raped me yesterday. Was it fun for you too." "No it hurt like hell. I think you broke my nose damn it." "How do you think I felt to learn that my mom didn't love me and had fun torturing me." "Your wrong. Your mother loves you very much. She felt so guilty doing what she had done. She took a big risk telling me about it. if she didn't love you why did she ask me to have sex with you. She couldn't do it anymore but she cared enough about you to ask me to satisfy you." "Why would she think I would want to have sex with you. Your mean nothing to me. I don't love you. I thought she was making love to me. That is what she said she was doing when she started and every time we were together. Now I know she was lying. She wasn't making love to me she was using me. After what she did to me I know now she has never loved me. I won't tell the police, but I want you to tell her she should get a dog. She can teach a dog to lick her and even if she kicks him he will still crawl back and lick her some more." "You don't mean that Jimmy. Untie me and let me call her. Let her explain it to you. She loves you very much." "I will never believe anything any woman ever tells me again. As for her I never want to see her again. Tell her I don't plan on living much longer, that should give you both a good laugh." Marie sobbed, "oh Jimmy your wrong don't do anything to hurt yourself." "There is nothing I could do to hurt myself as much as she hurt me yesterday." I walked out of her house to the sound of her crying. I went across the street and hid behind some bushes with my bike. An hour later mom drove into Marie's driveway and she ran up to the door. When she rang the bell Marie must have called to her because she went inside. I guess she found my farewell note. It had said 'Mother, I am leaving. I have thought all my life that you loved me. When dad died the thought of your love kept me from going crazy. I believed you when you said we were making love to each other. I thought you loved me and I was happy to show you I loved you too in any way that made you happy. Yesterday you proved that you had been lying to me. I guess you had always been lying to me about everything. You proved that you had never loved me. I never want to see you again. Don't bother looking for me. I am going far away from you forever. Knowing you don't love me has broken my heart. If I am strong enough to do it I will end my life soon, but I will do it far away from you.'

I walked my bike down the block and rode into town. When the bank opened I took out the money from dad's insurance that we set aside for college. I went to the bus depot and there was a bus heading east for Santa Fe leaving in ten minutes. I bought a ticket. As the bus pulled out of town I thought that I would change busses twice headed for different cities going east and then hitch hike north so that I would leave no trail to follow.

I ended up in Chicago. I got a room in a cheap hotel and found a job at MacDonalds. It's not exactly the life I had planned but I can't get much without a high school diploma. I finished writing this and looked again at the little brown bottle. Not today. I wouldn't drink it today. I had to start work in a couple of hours so I saved this and shut down my computer. I grabbed my towel and walked down the hall to the bathroom to take a shower.