I let myself into the house as quietly as possible. The lights were out downstairs but when I entered the small foyer I saw the faint light from Mom's room upstairs causing a weird shadow on the stairs.
"Cindy?" my mother's voice called out expectantly.
"Yeah, Mom. I'm home." I hung up my coat and slowly began climbing the stairs to my room.
"So how was it?" Mom asked behind her half open bedroom door.
"Oh, y'know,OK." I answered in my tired voice.
I went to my room and unzipped my dress and kicked off my high heels. I looked in the mirror, deep into my own eyes, and sighed. "Cindy," I said to myself, "No more blind dates." In my bra and panties, I walked to the bathroom to wash off the makeup, brush out my hair, and prepare to cry myself to sleep in my own comfortable bed. I was bent over the sink with a washcloth wiping off the foundation, lipgloss, mascara, and eyeliner I had applied so carefully only a few hours before. The sound of fast rushing water and the soft moistness of the washcloth against my face felt good. Safe. Comforting.
"So tell me all about it!" my mother's excited voice came at me from behind.
"Oh, Mom," I sighed, bent over the sink, "There's nothing to tell."
I glanced back at her through the vanity mirror. Mom was holding a tall cocktail glass in one hand, leaning against the bathroom door frame, smiling at me with twinkling eyes. Jeez, even in her early fifties and slightly drunk, Mom looked beautiful. I was so unlike her. I put the washcloth up to my face to hide my tears.
"Cindy, baby, don't cry," she said as she approached me in the small bathroom.
I threw the washcloth down in the sink. I turned to face her. "I'll never be as pretty as you, Mom, I know it, you know it...and apparently a lot of guys know it too," I said as I broke down in sobs onto her shoulder.
She held me as I cried, holding her arms for support, wanting nothing more than to crawl into a hole - or at least my bed - instead of this humiliation. She rubbed my shoulders and back as I cried. My mother, the former small town beauty queen, who still had all the confidence of her beauty even though my father - her husband - had walked out on us twelve years ago when I was just a kid. I had to compete with that all my life. The divorcee had plenty of gentleman callers over the years while her daughter went from one short-term boyfriend to another. Even now, as an adult with my own decent job and money of my own, and a twenty three year age advantage, I still felt the oppression of being only the second prettiest woman in our own house. I didn't hate Mom. I just wish it was me with a constant platoon of men after me.