My baby had been taken from me the minute she emerged from inside me. I was nineteen. I never even got a chance to hold her. The only thing they told me was that I had given birth to a baby girl but I was not allowed to take her home with me or even see her. I don't know why. I suspected the man who'd forced this on me told them I couldn't have my baby. If I had been allowed to keep my baby and raise her myself, I'd have named her Jollie, which means "pretty" French. Without my baby I didn't have anything else to do. Dad rarely ever came to visit because Momma hated him and all men alike and she divorced him five years ago. I spent most of my time at home in bed or on the couch watching the people outside. Without a baby to nurse my breasts were full of milk and they felt heavy on me, and I had no way of milking myself, although I would leak some milk at the worst moments.
As I sat on the couch one afternoon alone, crying, Momma came and sat next to me and put her hand on mine.
"When I first heard that my daughter was pregnant, it broke my heart and I felt so ashamed," Momma said, then went on, "But when I heard that my baby had been badly hurt I put my anger aside."
"Momma are you angry with me?" I asked, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"No sweetheart, it wasn't your fault... Men are just cruel monsters," Momma said, brushing my tears away with her fingers.
"Not all men are evil Momma, Daddy loved us," I said.
Then Momma's eyes got dark and she tightened her grip on my wrist as she said, "You will not speak of him in my house Irma."
"I'm sorry Momma, I didn't mean too, I just really miss him," I said.
"I know," Momma said, holding my face in her hands.
Then her hands went to my breasts as she continued, "You were just too young to understand, the cruelty of men at the time. And now a man has hurt my sweet baby girl." As she spoke she started unbuttoning my shirt. As she peeled my shirt open and pushed it down my shoulders a bit, revealing my breasts barely hidden behind my lacy white bra, she cupped my 34D breasts in her hand.
"Big full breasts as large and beautiful as these could feed the world," Momma said, pulling down my bra to reveal my nipples. She caressed my nipples with her fingertips.