"Full disclosure," Mom began. "This is going to be a strange conversation."
She seemed nervous. More so than I'd ever seen her before. Her gaze kept switching between me and Tess, my twin sister. She'd mentioned the night before that she needed to talk to the both of us about something serious, a suggestion, apparently. Tess and I had theorised about what it could be, but neither of us had a clue.
"So, your nineteenth birthday is coming round quickly..."
Right, something about a party? But that's months away and we never have big celebrations or anything.
"And I thought we probably need to talk..."
Who would we even invite? We're not exactly social butterflies, and as sad as it sounds, we're kind of each other's best friend. Especially since the lockdown.
"About your sex lives."
Yeah, Mom, strange is right. Jesus Christ.
I became potently aware of everything my body was doing, as if every automatic function just got switched to manual. My breathing, blinking, and especially my eye-line. Mom had always been chill about sex; she was happy to explain everything to me, she'd discussed it alongside puberty with me before, and had made it clear that masturbation and experimentation were all completely natural. But this was different. This was in front of my sister. And I had a feeling that things were going to get even stranger.
"Why would we nee--" Tess began, but quietened down when Mom continued.
"I take it, you're both virgins?"
"Yeah, of course," Tess replied.
This was no surprise, she'd never had a serious relationship before, and like I said, she wasn't the type to go to big parties. A heavy silence hung in the room, until I realised it was my turn to speak.
"Uhh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a virgin."
"Well," Mom continued, now staring down into the coffee mug she clenched tightly with both hands. "At uni, you might meet people who you'll want to have sex with, and, well, they will probably have more experience than you two. And, don't get me wrong, I understand why not, but neither of you have really had experiences with the opposite sex. Well, not that sort of experience, anyway. So, I thought it might be a good idea, if..."
Her hands were shaking, as she spoke, "...If you had those experiences, together."
There's no way I heard that right.
"You want us to have sex?" Tess asked.
"Not 'want' exactly, I just think that it would be healthy to--"
Holy shit. I did hear that right.
"It's just... that you two are so close..."
Mom thinks I should fuck my sister?
"I've always thought your first time should be with someone you--"
Wait, when Tess asked that question, she didn't sound angry or disgusted. She sounded intrigued.
"You're both young and attractive people, and it's okay to experi--"
Would she actually go for it? Holy shit is this actually going to happen?
"Obviously, I don't need you to tell me about it, an--"
I've never even thought of her like--oh god. Eye contact. With Tess. This is awkward. God she is so red-faced. Am I blushing that hard?
"All I'm saying..."
She is beautiful, though. God, she's beautiful.
"...Is that you two..."
But she's my sister. My twin sister, it'd be wrong to be--
"...Getting intimate..."
Fuck, I don't know what to think. What if she's not okay with it? Jesus, Mom. Why would you even bring this up? It's insane!
"...Might just be..."
But through all the taboo, and the insanity of it; thinking about her, about me and Tess, coming together like that. It just feels so--
"...Good."
"I-I-" I stuttered on my words. "I th-think tha--"
"It's not something you have to discuss with me. I just wanted the two of you to know, that if you wanted to, you have my blessing." She got up from her seat, and left the room.
We didn't say a word to each other. For a while. We both sat still, staring at that mug of coffee. I looked up at my sister, but she didn't look at me. I couldn't tell if she was deep in thought, completely shell shocked, or just ignoring me. I broke the silence.
"So, what do you think?"
I didn't get my answer for another two days.
It was about midday, I was eating cereal in my pyjama bottoms, Mom was out. It was just me and Tess at home, and given her history, I wasn't expecting her to be up before two. Not that it would make a difference; she'd barely spoken to me since the suggestion.
But, contrary to expectations, she opened the kitchen door and strolled in, completely obliterating my peace-and-quiet plan for the day.