Mom's Unnown Desires

Chapter 1

I had been home from school for a couple of weeks, in my old room, first door to the right at the top of the stairs. Having just completed my 2nd year of college, I decided I was wasting my time, so I was back home and enrolled in a trade school learning to be a welder. In school, both high school and college, I had run track and boxed. At 6'4 and 185 I was lean and in shape.

The house had not changed since I had left. Mom had not changed it since Dad had died. She still slept in their bedroom, upstairs at the end of the hall.

Dad had worked hard to be without debt, so the house was free and clear, and he had provided enough padding in the bank account and investments so that mom did not have to worry.

We got along okay, she didn't have a bunch of rules for me to follow, and I didn't give her cause to make up a bunch. I tried to make myself useful, she did not assign chores and I did things that I saw needed to be done before she had to ask.

Mom was independent for the most part. At 41 years old, mom was happy and relatively carefree. She kept busy with community volunteer work. I worried about her getting taken advantage of after dad passed, but she has navigated those waters well. She seemed, to me, to be doing well... stable... secure. Little did I know the emotional storm to come.

It was a porn video, absentmindedly left on pause on my lap top at the kitchen table that began the avalanche. Just a pebble, accidentally kicked loose, that brought down half the mountain almost destroying everything...

I did not have a steady, not here at home or back at college, though I had always done well in the dating/hookup culture of school.

Sunday morning and I was bored and feeling lazy. Mom was out either at church or doing some charity work for the poor or homeless. I sat at the breakfast table and logged into a porn streaming site. Cruising through videos of one of my favorite porn stars, I saw one that had always been a favorite, a favorite because of her. It was a POV, mom and son seduction. I was about half way through it when my phone rang. I paused the video, answered the phone and began a "catch up" call from an old friend that had just heard I was back home. He invited me out to lunch, which turned into a pick up softball game, and then beers with a few other old friends, and introductions to a few new prospects. Frankly, I got excited about seeing Gerry, and the possibility of finding out what his sister Carol was up to as well.

I ran out of the house, leaving the lap top on and the screen up. After a few minutes it went black, but I did not give it a thought until later, when I got home, a little bit in the cups... remembered it, looked for it, could not find it where I remembered leaving it... figured I must have actually put it away, and then forgot about it. Mom was, I assumed, asleep, so, as quietly as I could, I put my drunk ass to bed.

The next morning my lap top was back on the kitchen table, lid closed and turned off. For the next two days I hardly saw my mother, though it wasn't until the third day that I really noticed that something was radically wrong.

I went down to breakfast and mom was sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in her hands. Usually she was dressed and put together before leaving her room... this morning she was in her robe, hair un-brushed... unwashed even. Her face was pale, her eyes red... almost like she had been crying.

Crossing to her I bent to hug her and ask if she were fighting a cold or flue... but she flinched and began crying again.

"Mom?"

Asking if something was wrong would just be a stupid question, so I didn't ask it... instead I poured a cup of coffee for me, then moved her cup and filled it.

I had never seen my mom lose herself like this before, but, frankly, I was sort of surprised that I did not get a call after dad died, telling me that mom had crashed and burned. Both of them seemed pretty co dependent and I honestly had expected to have to hold the hand of whichever one was left when the other went first.

Wiping her eyes and taking a few deep breaths seemed to allow her to get a grip, at least temporarily. "I am mad... pissed off... at myself and the world."

It was a simple statement that did not give me nearly enough information to comment, so I sipped my coffee and waited for her to continue.

"I am embarrassed. I am very upset with you young man, but now I find myself having to ask for your help."

"I'm not sure what I did to cause you to be upset with me, but you know... you should know... that I will do what ever you need me to do to help. I don't know what's wrong, but you can count on me to give you whatever assistance you need." i offered, trying to reasure.

"I always thought I could... now I don't... don't know..." and then the hot tears began again.

I have never been a man of the world, but I knew enough to know that no matter what I did right now was going to be the wrong thing. I had already tried a hug and she had pulled away... it could mean that I would get my eyes scratched out if I tried again, or it could fix everything... I already offered to help and that just precipitated more tears, so something else had to be dealt with first. I sipped some more.

She gathered herself again. "I am angry and disappointed with you, I am embarrassed and disappointed with me even more for the same thing... and I am angry because I need your help to continue doing what I am embarrassed, angry and disappointed about... so it's hard for me to ask you... hard for me to tell you."

I waited again.

"You are a perverted young man... which makes me even worse... I don't even know what to call it..." she continued

At least now I knew what I had done. It explained, at least it looked like it might explain the mystery of my lap top.

"I need you to help me fix the computer in my room."

"What's wrong..." I asked

"Its infected. It has multiple viruses and now I can't get it to work properly... it's slow and I am inundated with pop ups." she explained

"That seems like an easy ask mom, any local shop can fix it..." i offered.

"I can't take it to 'just any local shop'."

I almost asked why not, then I remembered the embarrassment, and the reason for that embarrassment.

"Okay mom. I have some security software that should be able to clean it and set it right. If push comes to shove I can do a hard reset and get you started again."

She fidgeted a bit then, blushing, without looking up said, "There are things that I do not want to lose... but I hate that you will have to see them."

"Look mom... maybe we should talk about..."

"Its bad enough that I have to expose my computer to you... it's hard enough to ask for help! What in god's name makes you think I want to... or even CAN talk to YOU about this." There was a pause while she wiped her eyes again, then she asked rather harshly, "Will you help me fix my computer or not Matthew?"

"Sure mom. I'll do everything I can."

"Can you do it now?" she asked, her anxiety on full display.

"Uh... yeah... no problem." I said as I scooted my chair back.

"The password is 'Jim☆Dear'". she said softly.

My Dad's name was Jim, and she had called him Jim dear, since the first time they had watched "Lady and the Tramp" together.

I left her at the table, and, as I left the kitchen, said, "Try to get something good to eat... you are not looking very healthy." then, without waiting for a response, went up to her room.

I had not spent any real time in their bedroom, but I knew what kind of house keeper mom was, and her room did not reflect those efforts at all. The bed was unmade, dirty clothes were everywhere, and it smelled, stale.

The laptop was on the floor by the bed, I took it to her "dressing table", plugged it in and booted it up.

Yep... she had contracted "the Plague". It was loaded with cookies and malware. According to her pop up deluge, she had gone down some pretty twisted rabbit holes. I did not judge her flavors, just her surfing judgment.

I took it and her power cord to my room, giving her back her room. Having opened it up and seeing, I understood her embarrassment and her anger at herself... I could only imagine her anger at me was for being the gateway drug... angry and disappointed at first discovering I was watching porn, but then that I opened the door to her. I did not push her through, at least she did not blame me for that... she looked like she was having problems dealing with what she had found and how it made her feel... but she was an adult and I had no business trying to control her behavior. If my mom, who can not really be as innocent as this makes her appear to be, wants my help, she should ask for it, just like she has done in repairing her computer.

It took a while, but I got her back on line... functioning and clean... security software updated... but we were going to need to talk about some shit. There are ways to do this without getting infected, and I could set up accounts for her that would be safer than following unknown links. I could explain it to her so she knows, but setting something up, that's something she would need to ask for... assuming that she knew what to ask for...

I took the computer and cord down to the kitchen. She was not there so I hollered for her, no answer. Back upstairs and knocked on her door... spoke through the door... listened for the shower... knocked again and spoke louder. With no answer, I entered, calling her name again. The floor was picked up, the bed was made. I could feel the moisture from the shower... all good signs... but no mom.

I plugged her cord back in where it had been, then left the laptop plugged in to charge.

I went back to my room to turn on my own computer... dealing with the weirdness of learning about my mom's porn proclivities and curiosity put me in a state, horny, but cautious. I figured I needed to cleanse my palette as they say in wine tasting... a nice vanilla gangbang scene would do nicely, but I had a hard time keeping my mother from popping up in my minds eye. Normally that would be enough of a buzz kill to dissuade further action for a while, but today, I didn't get passed the first half scene before I was wiping the end of my dick off.

Ten minutes later I heard mom call up the stars that dinner was ready. I smelled the hot pizza before I hit the bottom of the stairs., rounded the corner and was pleasantly surprised to see mom, as cleaned up and put back together as her computer.

I made a comment about how nice she looked and after a thank you, she started the "small talk", I assume, to avoid any talk that would embarrass either one of us.

It only lasted until the pizza dwindled.

"Everything is set to right and updated... but that won't keep you from getting trashed like you did. The only thing that will do that is by avoiding the traps." I warned.

"Well, you don't have to worry. I'll not be doing that again..." she said a bit defensivly.

"Okay... that's good, but..."

"No but's!" she insisted. "I'm done with all of that... fithy.... I don't like the way it made me feel... so, I won't be..."

"Mom, all I was going to say was..." I gently tried to pursue my point

She stood up rather abruptly, almost knocking her chair over in the process. "I told you, I am done with that!"

She took her plate to the sink and after rinsing it off put it in the dish washer, stood up, grabbed the counter with both hands, took a couple of deep breaths, then turned back to me and said, "Thank you Matthew, for fixing my computer. I will admit I got a little lost and caught up in...I don't really know what or why...but I am done with that. Please don't give it another thought."

I stood up and went to the sink with my plate, set it down and turned to her. "I am the last person to judge you or anyone when it comes to web surfing porn." Mom blanched and stepped back. "but all I was going to say was that I can show you some ways to be safer and avoid..."

She stepped around me and headed to the stairs as she said rather harshly, "I told you! I will not be doing that anymore!"

I turned back to my plate to finish cleaning up thinking, "it's a good thing that I set in some trip wires and back ups...looks like I am going to need them."

The software I installed captured key strokes, but I wasn't interested in being invasive... I didn't spend time reading her mail. I set it up to alert me when a probe or attack was sent at her lap top. I did not block sites, but I did try to put up blind alley and dead ends... traps of my own, to contain malware incursions.

She did not quit surfing and streaming porn, but she didn't lose herself so badly. I was able to repair and reset her computer remotely without her really being any the wiser.

She kept her hygiene up and a certain level of housekeeping, so I did not see the need to intervene in her choice of entertainment... I mean, what kind of hypocrite would I be, knowing that what turns me on in a story or a film is not indicative of what I want to experience in real life. Porn is an escape from reality... so, I did not judge her for exploring different genres. A deep dive into hard core bondage did not mean she craved to be tied and abused... time spent watching rape and gang rape did not mean she wanted to be brutalized... those were not the only rabbit holes she wandered down... but I kept a pretty close watch when she started clicking on "sex available in your neighborhood" and "easy hook up" sites.

It had been a long time since she had gone out, let alone shared a bed with anyone... she was a grown ass woman... she had needs.

When she knocked on my bedroom door, dressed for a night out, it was not a surprise to me. She had agreed to meet a guy she found on line. I watched closely as she set up the date. They were meeting at a public restaurant, it had a bar and was close to a hotel, so "if" she wanted to, she could drink and fuck without coming home or going off to another site. It was all right there together.

She told me she was going out... I asked with who... she said a friend, no one I would know. Dinner and maybe a drink... don't wait up, wink wink...

"Good luck mom... be safe... be smart..."

"Listen to my young nanny repeating my own words back at me... you're so cute." she smiled.

"Just..."

"I know... I'm just giving you a bad time... it's nice that you care." she cut me off.

I said, "Look... if you need an excuse to leave. Text me "out" and I will call you and give you an emergency to attend to. If you need help, text help or just "h" and I will track your phone and come get you."

"Don't be such a... wait a minute... you can track my phone?" she sounded surprised

"Not the point mom..."

"You and I are going to have a talk about this... but not right now... I don't want to be late." She left.

I used the time to do some clean up on her computer and look a little harder at this "friend" she was meeting.

I had just started tracking into his account when the garage door opened and closed. Mom's phone location had her at home. I heard her head up the stairs and into her bedroom. Unless he was extremely light on his feet, she was home early and alone. Bad dates can sometimes need a shoulder to cry on, but that's more of a girl friend issue.

Mom did not come to me for comfort or solace... I would provide what I could if she asked or let me know, in some less obvious way, like tearing her clothes, sac cloth and ashes, wailing and gnashing of teeth... but she was quiet.

The next morning at breakfast I asked her about her "date". She was slow coming forth with information but eventually told me that it was a guy she had contacted on line through an adult dating site. "I know what you're going to say... save your breath. I feel foolish enough as it is."

I had had no intention of saying anything.

"He lied... a lot. He was nothing like he represented himself to be..." she continued, offering an unnecessary explination. "I knew as soon as I saw him that it was a bad decision."

Again I was silent.

"Maybe I should just get a dog..."

"A dog won't make up for human contact..." I scolded

"Well Matthew, I have you for that." There was a smile on her lips, but not in her words.

I spent the day in class, half book learning, half practice application. Welding required a whole lot more than a steady hand... a lot of people can run a straight bead... that's only a small portion of what a man learns to be a welder.

Mom was out when I got home... a quick shower, a beer and some reading about metals, temperatures, voltage, inert gasses. A couple hours in and I took a break, logging in to see how mom was doing. It was getting a little late and she had not told me what she was up to today. I became concerned that she might have arranged another meet-up. I was relieved when I could find no evidence that she had been visiting hookup sites. A quick check of her phone location put her at the mall.

Curiosity got the better of me, since I figured I had an hour or so before she could possibly be home. I started back tracing her latest streaming history. I was surprised to see that she watched a lot of the same movies as me, movies featuring my favorite star. All of them milf genres, as she was of the age now when those were the parts she was getting. A lot of step son and mom movies, step daughter movies, mom trading, group sex, threes and fours of mixed... several milfs together...a wife and her husband's boss and coworkers, both male and female... black mail and or ladder climbing like a good executives wife would do. There was bondage and domination, servitude, discipline. Nothing really new or over the top kinky showed up.

Porn almost always has the exact same affect on me... blood flow changes, body function priorities shift... but strong character disciplines self and can override base desires, so, back to the books, trying to read ahead a bit.

I had already eaten dinner, "left over goulash" as dad called it... combining several small portions of different, unrelated dishes together, stir, heat and eat... and was back at my desk when the garage door alerted me to mom's return.

I heard her walk past to her room and was surprised, pleasantly, when, a few minutes later a soft tap sounded on my door. Since I did not need to yell "Wait!" and quickly "tuck in and pull up", I said come in and mom opened the door just enough to stick her head in and quietly ask if I had a moment to talk.

Since we had already discussed how I could track her phone, and agreed that I was not invasively keeping tabs on her, and that, in reality, it made her feel safer knowing I cared enough to watch out for her, I did not know what she had in mind.

She came in, closing the door behind her, nervously looked around and then settled, sitting on the end of my bed.

I waited while she fidgeted, then, when she seemed stuck in indecision, I said, "What's up mom?"

She started and stopped a couple of times... "I have been...", "I was looking up...", "Do you still..."

"Take a minute mom.. you seem really nervous about this... tell me what I can do to help you."

A couple of deep breaths... more twisting of fingers in her lap, before she finally said, "Alright... okay... I've been doing some thinking about my social life...meeting people... men... maybe even starting different and making a few girl friends... most of my old friends are married and it's awkward being the only single woman... anyway... after the epic failure with the dating app...(I didn't mention it was a hook up app, not a dating app, or explain the difference) "I was wondering... do you still get together with your friends and play those role playing games you used to be involved in?"

"It has been a while... tried it twice in college, but everyone was more interested in drinking parties... but, I imagine I could find a few people around and enough interested to get a campaign started... why? Did you want to host a game for geeks your age? I could DM something for you if that's what you need..."