White knuckled and breathless, my heart and head throbbing. The mattress cover was pull off one corner, clutched in my palm. I felt empty and scared. Tin tasting redness gathered at my lip and dripped into my mouth. Too distracted trying to breath, I could muster no conscious effort to cover my body. But then, I was alone, more alone then ever. I was used and discarded, and shaking so hard. The only thing that kept me from freezing must have been the heat still radiating from between my thighs. Until the span of 18 years, to a few moments ago, I was a virgin. The marks of my fathers hand showed red around my pale neck. My eyes were getting dry. I was running out of tears.
I had just gotten home that day from checking out colleges. I spent the weekend with two of my friends on a college campus. They were both more experienced then me, and were determined to experience college men. As much as they pleaded for my company, I turned them down. I had only had a few boyfriends in my life, the last had pressured me constantly into having sex, but I finally left him when I walked in on him and some girl. My friends wanted me to move on, and so they brought home three relatively good looking college age guys, they both took theirs to another part of the room, and left the tallest boy with me. We kissed even though I would have rather not, but when he touched my breast I shoved him off. I spent that night in my car on the phone with my brother. He didn't pry or rant, he didn't make threats to anyone who would hurt me, he just talked to me and it was exactly what I needed.
