No doubt you've probably seen ads and commercials touting gifts for "The man who HAS everything". Well then, put yourself in my best friend's shoes and ask yourself, "How you plan a bachelorette party for a girl who has DONE most everything?" Such was the dilemma faced by my very best girlfriend in the whole world, Beth.
Most bachelorette parties are based around the theme of doing something shocking or at least memorable, something along the lines of the "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" sort of event. I can still remember the very first one I ever attended for my cousin way back when I was barely eighteen. They even brought in strippers and my cousin did things I have no doubt that she'd ever done before, especially in front of so many people. No doubt she has never done them again either! All I can say is thank goodness for the sake of her marriage that cell phones weren't as prevalent fourteen years ago.
Well, THAT type of event wasn't going to work for my party. I mean when you consider that I'd been the entertainment for several bachelor parties then you see how bringing in strippers and such wasn't going to phase me - or anyone else who'd seen me at various parties and get-togethers over the years.
It was her fault. Beth had volunteered years ago to coordinate my bachelorette party so when it came time for my wedding I really didn't have to even ask - she just took over. Normally the Maid of Honor (MOH) is responsible for this but in my case my MOH had no clue when it came to the details of my sexual history. Hillary was forty years old and a good friend of mine since we taught together at the small private school where I teach. So why her and not Beth when it came to my MOH? Frankly I sort of copped out when it came time to select my MOH as I simply didn't want to have to choose one of my friends over the other. Hillary and I had become quite close over the past year or so and it just felt right to ask her.
My other bridesmaids were going to be Beth - my absolute BFF, Brenda - my freshman year college roomie, Samantha - perhaps best known by people who know me as the girl who got me to try sex with her dog, Nancy - one of my good friends who simply loves to play Truth or Dare with emphasis on the "dare", and finally Carrie - a close friend of my cousin Kristi with whom I'd spent quite a few fun times with. I decided NOT to include any relatives in my bridal party just so I wouldn't hurt anybody's feelings.
Whatever Beth was planning for my party, she was keeping a tight lid on it. I mean like the secret formula for Coke probably would've been easier for me to learn than the details for my own party! She was being so secretive that she wouldn't even give me a hint as to what she had up her sleeve. All I knew was that it was scheduled for the Saturday before my wedding and would start at 2:00 in the afternoon. Yeah, I was curious about the time as it seemed awful early but she just grinned at me and wouldn't even comment. That grin had me worried...
Finally the day arrived. Steve's bachelor party wasn't being held until Friday night after our rehearsal which sort of concerned me considering our wedding was the next day but then there weren't many options. Most of his groomsmen were coming in from out of town so they couldn't all get in until just before the wedding. Steve's brother was going to be the best man and had been working out the details long distance from California where he and Steve's sister had remained after Steve and his mom had moved back to Pittsburgh last summer. Jim wouldn't be flying in until Thursday night which made me wonder how he was making all the arrangements but then that was his problem I guess.
Speaking of flying in, my mom was coming in from Oregon today also so Steve would be picking her up at the airport. I would've loved to have gone with him to greet her at the airport but with the odd timing of Beth's plans that meant I wouldn't be seeing her until after the party was over. Not that Steve minded. Unlike many guys he seemed quite excited to be seeing his future mother-in-law again and I had a pretty good suspicion as to where he would be spending the evening.
So anyways, the time finally arrived and right on the dot Beth pulled up to the curb in her car. Hmmmmmm, no limo or big vehicle? Well, any thoughts of a traveling party went out the door immediately. Kristi and I went out and I noticed in the back seat that Nancy and Carrie were already there but nobody else from my wedding party. I'd anticipated that Brenda probably wouldn't make it given she was living so far away since her wedding. Hillary being MIA was also not a surprise and if anything that just gave me a hint as to Beth's plans as Hillary was the only one in the wedding party that was not aware of most of my past sexual escapades. The dear lady only knew me as a conservative, religious elementary teacher and to be honest, it was probably best for me and my job for her to stay unaware. The only person I WAS wondering about was Sam. I guess she couldn't make it or what not, I'd probably find out from Beth sooner or later.
Kristi hopped in back with the other two while I got in front with Beth driving. Pandemonium broke out as everyone seemed to be talking at once until finally Beth broke in and demanded everyone's attention.
"OK everyone, we're gathered here today to mourn the end of our dear friend's life as she knows it," she started out solemnly. They all just giggled and she shushed them, pretending to be serious about this solemn matter.
"Kelly, you know that you still have a chance to call this all off and retain your status as the sluttiest girls I know - Kristi excepted of course." Everyone laughed, Kristi especially. "So in light of that we wanted to spend the day reminding you of your past and how you got to be here today. Who knows, maybe you'll decide you really don't want to screw up a good thing! So what do you say - will you promise to go along with whatever we have planned for you, no matter what?"
Oh yeah, like I was going to agree to THAT! Only a crazy or totally clueless idiot would agree to go along with anything such as this that Beth and company came up with. OK, so I'm crazy ñ or clueless? With all the excitement and buildup to this, what was I going to do other than to agree? I'd been dreaming of this party from the time I first started planning my wedding and I wasn't about to throw a damp rag on anything. The only question I had in my head was what in the world was she talking about? Really, how far COULD she go anyways? Certainly it couldn't involve anything that I hadn't done before, right?
Well it didn't take long to learn more about the theme of the party. Beth drove through the neighborhood until we came to the old grade school that had been closed for years. She pulled around to the back where everything had pretty much been overgrown. Then much to my surprise we stopped by the old swing set and who did I see but John, one of my old boyfriends. He was sitting on the swing set which surprisingly was still hanging.
Beth then asked, "Bring back any memories Kelly?"
Bring back any memories? Oh my God, the memories flooded in as it was like it all happened just yesterday. This was one of the many places that Steve and I had fucked back when we first started dating oh so long ago. Back then we were like horny teen rabbits in heat, fucking everywhere and anywhere we could without caring all that much as to who might see us. What surprised me the most was seeing John though, where had they found him?
Beth must have seen me staring at him as she said, "I hope you appreciate that I had quite a time finding the guy," she giggled. "Since of course we couldn't get Steve to reenact the dirty deed I thought having one of your old boyfriends from back then might be a suitable substitute. By the way, in case you didn't know he's engaged too but the wedding's not until next year. Apparently he didn't mind cheating on his fiance a bit as he agreed right away when I went to him with my proposal. Heck, he even helped rig the swing back up again."
Ohhhhhh... Now it was starting to dawn on me what her plan was for me and John. Oh wow, was she really serious? It was one thing to have done it at dusk years ago back when I didn't know any better and even if we HAD been caught, who would've really said anything given we were just two horny teenagers? Oh sure, the place was so overgrown these days that nobody could see anything unless they happened to cross through the schoolyard. Even so, two people in their mid-twenties fucking in public in full view of the world would surely raise more questions than there would be had we been a few years younger. Not only that, then there was the thing about having an audience this time... Like were all my friends planning to just stand by and watch?
Apparently so.
