"Hi kitten."
I'm greeted as soon as I come through the door. It's annoying. It's so belittling and patronising. and most of all, it's too fucking casual.
But that's my brother for you-- casual and carefree. on the edge of arrogance. Sure, it feels nice that he can act like nothing, but some acknowledgement of the fact that we haven't spoken in two months would be nice.
Two months had passed, since I cursed him and his girlfriend out, and stormed out of his apartment.
"Mom's just getting the stuff out of the car," I tell him, as I pull back from his hug.
"Pull your claws back in, my little cat, she's not here," he says, noticing my reluctance.
The 'she' he's referring to is, of course, his girlfriend; I really don't like her.
As much as my brother's carefreeness and arrogance can annoy me, I understand where it comes from. He's his father's son in every meaning. His unwillingness to talk about problems; his way of assuming that things he doesn't feel like doing, will just be taken care of by someone else; his sudden mood changes, where he can be irrationally angry; his need for control-- all of it comes from our dad. And this, this is what his girlfriend doesn't understand-- and that's why I don't like her.
The fight that made me yell at both of them was because of her blaming him and when I tried to defend him, telling her how she doesn't understand him or what made him be this way, he got angry AT ME.
During the time since the fight, I've spent thinking about how to apologise, picturing how he would apologise, too. That's why when mom asked if I wanted to come along, since she had to go drop some plates and stuff like that at his place, I said yes. I wanted to come with, so I could tell him I'm sorry, and he could tell me that he's sorry, too.
How dumb and naive I am, as soon as I hear the 'Hi kitten', I realize he won't apologise and I feel dumb for thinking he would.
My grumpiness is soon interrupted by mom coming into the apartment, carrying boxes and passive aggressively hinting at wanting some help.
"To be honest, mom, I don't even know if I have space for this stuff," my brother says, as I take a box from mom.
"Nonsense. Come, we'll fix it." It's clear that she means that as a command to me and not him, as he says something about not getting in the way, before retreating to the living room.
After mom and I have rearranged his kitchen cabinets pretty much completely, we join him in the living room, sitting for a while, making small talk.
"Hey, you wanna stay and hang out for a bit? We can order pizza and watch some bad movies, and I'll give you a ride back to your place later," my brother offers me, when mom starts hinting about leaving.
"Sure, why not?" I reply, struggling to be as casual as he is, while in reality, I want to scream 'yes!' overjoyed that he shows an interest in hanging out with me.
Immediately after having said goodbye to mom, he goes into his closet.
"Should I even ask what the hell you're doing in there?"
No response, he just comes back out with a cooler bag in hand.
"Had to store my beer somewhere, while mom was here," he explains, while getting two bottles out. "You know how she starts her lectures about being like dad, as soon as anyone takes a sip of alcohol."
I nod. I know exactly what he means. It's partly understandable that she has her thoughts about alcohol, but it's frustrating that she can't trust two adults to have a drink.
He hands me the bag and goes back to the couch. "I'll order the pizza, while you can put those back in the fridge, okay?" he shouts.
It's really not a question; it's something he just expects me to do, and honestly, I don't mind it. He didn't ask what I wanted either, but I can hear him on the phone ordering the pizza, again I don't really mind, it's just how he is. And truth be told, it feels kinda nice to not have to think about things.
The night goes on, full of pizza and beer and drinks; we're just lazy, cuddling in front of the TV. We're on our second movie, and I'm leaning on his shoulder with his arm around me. I'm not really paying attention to the movie, I just nod along and agree with his comments about it. Just enjoying feeling close to him again.
Worried about ruining the mood, I bring up the topic I've been thinking about all the time, but have been too anxious to ask.
"Where's Annie?" I ask about his girlfriend.
Before answering, he sits up straighter, takes his arm away from me. Maybe, he's just adjusting his seating, but I'm screaming internally that I did ruin the mood; I have ruined everything
"I don't know, she's gone," he chuckles.
Before he can put his arm back around me, I literally throw myself at him, hugging him.
"Silly kitten, what's going on?"
Happy, I look him in the eyes, my arms around him, and almost lying over him.