There are moments in your life that pass you by, then there are moments that change your life forever.
I had my moment of change early this year. It started at the beginning of the year, just after New Year's Eve. It was like a light switch moment.
I've been married for 25 years to my lovely wife Clare; she is 48. I'm now 57, so there is a bit of an age gap. Two years ago we had a great sexual life; we always made time for each other at least once a week. The sex eventually got less and less in the following year, and now two years later it's nonexistent.
My wife has been going through the menopause change, and I've tried to be very supportive. But not having intimacy with her is driving me mad. It has gotten worse lately. The more and more I think about times we had sex in the past, the more difficult it is becoming to satisfy my own needs.
We never managed to have kids because, unfortunately, Clare was unable to conceive. We decided to adopt a little girl of 12 who was Senegal. Her name is Ndiro; her parents tried to migrate to Europe by paying people smugglers to get them there by container ship. They had hardly any food and only a small amount of water. Her father died during the trip, and her mother kept Ndiro alive until they reached Portugal. They made it to Europe, but unfortunately they couldn't save her mother; Ndiro was placed in care.
We took very good care of Ndiro, even though it was tough bringing up a coloured girl where we lived. The racism we faced from adults and kids was sometimes too hard but we stood together against the bigots.
She has made a number of friends at school and college but never brought home anyone she really likes.
We love Ndiro as if she is our own child. I've enjoyed every moment of her growing up to become the fine specimen of a woman today. She is very intelligent, funny, and, above all, very kind.
Ndiro is 19 and in college now studying to become a nurse, which is a very suitable career as she is a very caring person.
Most evenings, Ndiro has great joy sitting with me on the sofa, telling me in great detail the things she had learnt during the day at college. She is so excited about becoming a full-time nurse in a hospital.
Lately, I've been having improper thoughts about Ndiro. Normally these thoughts are in my dreams; they become so explicit I've actually ejaculated in bed.
I keep telling myself in my dreams to wake up, wake up just before I ejaculate, but I'm always too late, resulting in me cumming inside her.
I then wake up, and it feels like I have a ping pong ball in the back of my throat. I can't breathe. I know it's so very wrong, and I spend the next day feeling guilty, but the dreams keep coming.
I've tried everything to draw my attention away from these thoughts. I even started watching all sorts of porn online as I thought this would help fantasise about the porn actresses. Unfortunately, I eventually found myself watching Ebony videos, which made things a lot worse.
I'm still having the same dream about Ndiro.
It's even become difficult sitting next to her in the evenings, even when she's excitedly telling about her day. I keep thinking about her in her nurses uniform bending over a patient in bed. I started having a hard time thinking about it in front of her and have had to cover up an erection on more than one occasion.
I'm pretty sure she has noticed.
I've even tried whacking one off before she comes home, but I still get the thoughts. Even the smell of her is causing problems.
I won't give into the tormenting pain; there's no one else to blame. I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I'm turning into a monster.
Stop it, Jason!
I made a point of not sitting down with her for the next two nights just to create some distance in my mind. But she came up to my bedroom on the second night to see if I was okay.
"Have I upset you, dad?" Ndiro said.
"No, Hun, I've not felt myself the last couple of days. I felt I was coming down with something and didn't want to pass anything onto you," I lied.
Then she gave me a stomach blow. "Is it because I keep giving you erections when I sit next to you?"
"No," I lied.
"You know you can talk to me; I am training as a nurse." Ndiro said.
"I am ok, really!" I lied again.
Ndiro left the room and went off to her bedroom. At breakfast the next morning, Ndiro walked in all excited because she was spending the day at the hospital on work experience. She was wearing her training uniform; she looked stunning.
She grabbed some coffee and toast, then gave me a kiss goodbye before leaving with her mom for the hospital. As she walked away, I noticed how deliciously her hips swayed under the nurses uniform. It must have been the sway that gave me a large erection again. I had to get it out of my trousers. I masturbated furiously until I shot cum on the kitchen floor.
That evening Ndiro was full of it; she was so excited to tell everything she had done at the hospital. When she had finished telling me, I stood up and gave her a hug and a kiss, even though I had already started a semi-lob when I did.
Several months passed, and I started to see a confidence change in Ndiro; she was more forthright and opinionated. She had passed her last exam for her diploma and was now a fully fledged nurse working in accident and emergency.
She now works all sorts of shift patterns, and as it was coming up to Christmas, she had accepted the night shifts until the new year.
Her shift meant she would come home early in the morning and go straight to bed. Waking around 3pm, she would still be in her pyjamas at 5pm when I got home. I would make dinner, and she would eat with us until she returned to work around 9 p.m. for the start of her shift.
If she also worked the weekend, she would get Monday off; this happened quite often as the department was the busiest at weekends.
I missed our evenings together, but it did curtail the naughty thoughts.
My relationship with my wife was really struggling; she was spending more and more time going out with her girlfriends just before Christmas. It's like she had no time for me whatsoever, and I was becoming very lonely.
I know you shouldn't shit on your own doorstep, as the saying goes, but I got talking to a lady at the local post office. Jan was in her fifties; she always flirts with me when I go in. I found she lives on her own and was having a problem with her electrics, which kept tripping out. I offered to go round and see if I could help find the problem, as I had some knowledge of electric circuits.
That evening I took my multimeter and some tools round to hers. I was greeted by Jan, who set me straight to work. Her main problem was in her bedroom. When she used anything in the room, it turned off all the electrics.
I started by checking all her appliances in the room but couldn't find any fault. Then I tried the bedside lamp next to the digital alarm clock when I switched it on and everything went off. It was plugged into a socket behind the bedside cupboard, so I had to move it.
As I lifted the little three-draw cupboard, the top draw opened and fell out of the carcass, spilling all the contents on the floor.
OMG, the draw was full of sex toys. Dildos of all shapes and sizes, a couple of butt plugs; one was quite large, and I thought, How the hell did that go in? She had some of those silver ball things on a string that you insert, and they rub together when you move. There were a couple tubes of lube and penile enlargement spray, which I thought was a very odd thing to have as a single woman.
I was picking up the items when Jan walked in.
"Sorry, I was trying to move the unit and the draw fell out."
Jan looked in shock.
"Oh, how embarrassing she said I should have moved them before you came round."
I just carried on placing the items back in the drawer, but had she cleaned them after using them, I thought. My cock was getting hard.
