The morning sun seemed as intense as fiery fingers of lightening. It filled my bedroom with its overpowering light. I turned away from the brilliant stream that shone through my window and pulled a pillow over my head to shield my eyes from its relentless intensity. As I laid there, my foggy mind rolled slowly back to last night and the bachelor party for my daughter's fiancΓ©.
The music was loud and the attendees were boisterous. Jason, my daughter Jennifer's fiancΓ©, was hitting the bottle hard, one of those few times where his tendency to drink too much could be excused, or at least overlooked. I seldom have more than one or two drinks, but the occasion called for the anaesthetizing effect that only several white Russians could provide. I didn't particularly care for Jason. He tended to have an uncouth and awkward social presence that I found disconcerting. My daughter tended to overlook his obvious shortcomings and I couldn't understand why. I'd often pondered her choice of him for a husband, a partner for the rest of her life, and on one occasion, I'd even asked her what it was that she found attractive about him. She looked at me, disbelief on her face, and asked, "What's wrong with Jason Daddy?
I immediately regretted questioning her choice for a spouse and never brought up my concerns again. It's unlikely that my discontent with her choice would have had anything other than a negative effect on her and I didn't want to risk alienating my little girl and only child. We'd been living together her entire life and when she went off to university, I missed her smiling face each and every day. Her mother, my wife of 20 years, was killed in an automobile accident during her sophomore year and it took all of the emotional courage she could muster to avoid flunking out.
When she finished university, she returned home and landed a job with the local board of education as an elementary school teacher. With her mother gone, we grew even closer and spent several of her days off taking road trips and seeking out the sort of entertainment that we both enjoyed. We found pleasure in many of the same pursuits and loved spending time with each other.
Our lives were closely intertwined and very comfortable. Then, one day, about a year ago, Jennifer met Jason when she and a girlfriend were driving to a conference. They had a flat tire and were haplessly attempting to change it along the side of the road. Their rescuer quickly changed the tire and led the way to a restaurant where they could wash up and get a cup of coffee. For some reason Jennifer was attracted to him and agreed to a date. Four months later, she came home and excitedly informed me that Jason had asked her to marry him.
"What did you say?" I asked, my heart in my mouth. She sat on my knee and slid her arms around my neck. "Oh, I told him I would marry him of course daddy. I'm 25 years old and still living at home. It's time for me to get married and become a wife, a mother, and the female head of a family. I know I've been holding you back daddy. You feel obligated to take me places with you and keep me entertained since mom died. It's time for me to let go and allow you to live your own life. You know how much I love you and want what's right for you." Then she kissed me softly and buried her face against my shoulder.
"Baby." I whispered, putting my arms around her perfect figure and pulling her close. "I know your heart's in the right place, but you've never held me back in your entire life. I love living with you and taking you with me everywhere I go. I love having you beside me all the time. But, I've always understood that someday you'd want to spread your wings and fly away to start a new life as a wife and mother. Frankly, I hoped against hope that that day would never come, but down deep, I knew I'd have to lose you eventually." I put my hand under her chin and kissed her gently, loving the feel of her body and her lips against mine"
Then, she got to her feet and leaned down, kissing me again. "Daddy," she whispered in her soft and loving voice, "you're such a handsome and intelligent man. I know there are several women who've wanted to get to know you better and become a fixture in your life, but you've never opened the door to let them in because you felt obligated to give me all of your love and attention. With me married and out of your hair, you're finally going to get the chance to begin your own life and do what you please without having to constantly worry about me."
With that, she walked off to her bedroom, her hips swaying softly from side to side. I watched, my heart heavy, as she walked up the stairs and wondered if my life was going to change in any positive way. I knew that I'd miss her each and every day after she got married and moved hundreds of miles away.
The days and weeks and months passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was the day before Jennifer's wedding. I was sitting in the kitchen sipping coffee and trying to come to grips with the realization that tomorrow, she'd be leaving the home where her mother and I had raised her. . Just then I heard her calling excitedly, "Daddy! Daddy! I need your help."
I put my coffee down and rushed upstairs to her room. She was standing in front of her full length mirror, her back turned and looking over her shoulder. "Oh daddy," she said in a worried voice, "My gown won't zip up. I must've gained weight. Can you help me get the zipper up?"
I laughed softly, not sharing her dread filled concern about the tight fitting gown. "I'm sure it's going to fit just fine honey. I walked over behind her and put one hand on her shoulder and with the other, gripped the pull of the zipper. I pulled on it, hard and steady and realized that the metal teeth were not allowing the pull to slide as easily as it should. "Just stand where you are sweetheart. This will be simple to fix." I went and got a candle from the hall closet and ran the base of it up and down the length of the zipper. When I grabbed the pull, the waxed zipper slid easier and I had little difficulty getting it all the way up.
"There you are baby. All set to get married tomorrow." I chuckled softly. She turned and looked up at me, her large blue eyes melting my heart.
"Daddy, what am I going to do without you?" she asked with a smile. "I've always depended on you and you've never let me down... ever. I just don't know how I'm going to survive if I don't get to see you every day." She put her arms around my neck and pressed her face into the curve of my neck. The feel of her lips against my neck and her arms around me, felt so perfect and natural. I put my arms around her tiny waist and pressed my face into her silky hair. She pulled back and looked up at me, her beautiful blue eyes full of emotion. She tugged hard on my neck, pulling my face down to hers, kissing me lovingly. I kissed her back, not the sort of kiss that a father and daughter share, but the kiss of a man and woman who share an intense love for each other. I'm momentarily caught up in the passion of the moment but come to my senses after only a few seconds have passed. I pull away gently, almost lifting her off the floor as she doesn't appear to want the moment to slip away.
"Is there anything else you need baby?" I ask softly. Acting as if the kiss we've just shared meant nothing and had no special meaning for me.
Her face looks a little sad for a second or two as she obviously hoped that I was as caught up in the moment as she was. Then, recovering quickly, she asked "What do you think of my gown daddy?" She spun in a graceful circle, letting me see her wedding dress from every angle.