Kathleen's plans for our furtive trip to Bristol were almost scuppered by an unexpected twist of fate represented by the arrival, the day before our journey south, of a genuine notification of an appointment with her gynaecologist. This, when combined with the dates for the fake appointments that had caused her so much troubled conscience, made it necessary for us to spend three nights alone together at her house in Bristol. On hearing this, my mother insisted that she accompany us to look after Kathleen who was after all 8 months pregnant; and so it seemed that we would not be alone at all.
But fate and accidents seldom come alone and my mother, the evening before our journey and with bags already packed and plans made, managed to slam her hand in the car boot door and had to be driven to hospital. The result was broken bones and a plaster cast and a period of blissful though guilty freedom for Kathleen and I.
As we said goodbye to my mother we were reticent, shy even, and we may have given the impression, to anyone watching, of being merely acquaintances as we got in the car and drove away. But as we rounded the corner Kathleen quickly resumed her usual position beside me, arm over my seat back and occasionally caressing my neck as we drove. But she was not her usual self, she seemed reserved and tired so I took the initiative and began explaining the guilty feelings I had struggled with since last we made love.
I had a sense of guilt for what I felt must have seemed to be my disrespect for her while making love at the old Mill. I was afraid she might feel that shoving my finger in her anus, that shouting at her and that forcing her to submit to me was disrespectful and that there was no harmony in our love making; but as always she was sympathetic and anxious for me to know it was all ok.
"You surprised me that afternoon; but darling, it was pure unadulterated physical indulgence I experienced in our lovemaking. There was disharmony in the details but harmony in the whole and contrast is everything. We were there to make love and we did, the rest is just spice. Be happy about it my sweet."
My worries and her concern for me seemed to enliven her and I was glad to hear her voice come to life and after a while she began to explain about her brothers.
"We were a big family of 10 children though that wasn't unusual where I grew up. My three oldest brothers and a sister had moved out so we were 5 children at home."
I interrupted and corrected her "The older brothers and the sister and you five makes nine; you said you were ten children"
She poked me hard in the shoulder;
"Don't interrupt. The tenth was my sister Irene; she died of Tuberculosis when she was five."
She was quiet for a long while then continued slowly as if re-examining the past, making sure she got the facts right.
"I was lucky. As the oldest and the only girl I slept alone, my four brothers slept two in a bed. My father was a carpenter in a factory and he had fixed a small bed in an alcove under the stairs. A curtain kept it private and I had the library books I'd borrowed on a shelf."
She laughed at the memory of it.
"The shelf kept falling down on me and the books would wake me at night but he never fixed it."
She let the comment hang in silence and I wondered about her father, the 10 kids and the tuberculosis until she continued.
"One night I woke suddenly. It was one of my elder brothers falling in drunk from the street. He hadn't found his way home to his wife so he thought he'd stay with us. I don't know which one it was but It was a Saturday night , I was almost 20 and he took my virginity."
I gasped and tried to express my sympathy by saying something about being surprised she'd not been traumatised but she didn't seem to notice.
"It hurt the first time and I was frightened but it only happened occasionally until I inadvertently found a perfect way of turning him away."
She paused as if expecting me to ask how she thwarted him. Then she continued anyway.
"I was on the rag and he discovered that while removing my panties. He gasped with disgust and fled."
I was shocked and couldn't answer; I had never been exposed to anything like this before. But she laughed at the memory and as if answering my silence, continued;
"Darling, I was menstruating; I had my period if you want to call it that and I had a sanitary towel under my pants and he was horrified. I wore a towel often after that."
She laughed scornfully at the memory;
"It was just like a crucifix repelling Dracula! But that's the church for you; the reason that you, once every month, cannot rape the girl you are abusing is not because it's wrong but because SHE is unclean."
She raised her voice in exasperation;
"If the church can teach the faithful to abstain from sex with a woman who's bleeding why the hell can't they stop grown men raping young women God Damn It."
She was very irritated now and muttered fiercely under her breath. After a while she pointed out of the window.
"Pull in here, I need a cup of tea."
We pulled into a road side cafe and I helped her out of the car and she took my arm. In the café we passed two girls who stared at Kathleen's swollen belly and I saw their wondering and could read their thoughts; His Mother? His big sister? Surely not his partner? and I felt suddenly proud to have her on my arm and wanted the world to know she was my lover.
We had cake and afternoon tea, she had a pee and we left the café passing the same two girls and as we passed their table she stopped and turning to me pulled me down to her mouth and gave me a lingering kiss.
"Thank you" she said as we walked slowly out to the car park.
"For what?"
"For wishing that they knew I was yours."
"But....?"
"I can read you like a book my sweet."
We had driven in silence for more than ten miles before she took up the thread of her story again.
"I was telling you about my brothers. Well, I never knew which of my elder brothers it was who visited me; but I was curious about the effect my femininity had on men and I began experimenting on my younger brothers."
She laughed at the thought.
"I was well developed as a 20 year old, I had a good slim figure and generous breasts and men were always looking. I found out that if i teased any of my younger brothers they would do anything for me."
"You weren't cruel to them where you?"
"In hindsight you may well have said that but at the time it was good clean fun and seeing their admiration was an important confirmation of my worth."
"Did you tutor them?"
"Sexually? No darling, not at all; it was like this; I was a developing young woman, my hormones were rushing around wildly and I was both horny and curious so I egged them on."
"Egged them on; what did you say to them?"
I didn't actually say anything but if I teased one of them, maybe wore a blouse and no bra, then I knew he would come creeping when everyone was asleep."
"And then you made love?"
