Author's note: Please forgive any grammar mistakes. I do not have an editor and when I proof read, my mind corrects any of my mistakes because I know what I was trying to say.
Happy Reading!
I have had two male influences in my life. The first was my father, Leonard Shaw for what it's worth, and he taught me exactly what I didn't want in a man. He was usually at work but when he was home, he was distant, only talking to my brother Jack and me in one-word sentences. With my mother Judy, Dad seemed disinterested. They would talk but I got the sense he didn't care. When I was twelve, father left for good. He paraded into the house with a woman on his arm, a colleague from work. Apparently, he had been seeing her for quite some time and they were now moving in together. He came in, took what he wanted, and left, leaving a path of destruction in everyone's hearts. Granted, I didn't know him very well, but he was still my father.
That was the day the second male role model entered my life. Since Jack was two years older than me, he had always been in my life, but he surprised me and, at least subconsciously at the time, I know my perception of him changed to that of something more. Jack guided me to my room and, as he mussed my black shoulder length hair, asked me to stay there until it was over. A simple demand, yes, but being so curious it was a request I could not fulfill. I watched him leave and then snuck down the hall. Dad stood laughing at our crying mother while his girlfriend rummaged the house. She even snickered at me as she passed. I'm shocked she didn't try to take the pool from out back. Jack got between our parents and stared our Dad down. It was a spectacle to watch as a defiant Jack tried to intimidate our father. I couldn't see any part of my brother. His scrawny, wiry frame was completely over shadowed.
"Got something to say son?" Father towered at least a foot and a half over my brother.
"Get out." Jack didn't yell or shout, but his tone... the words were spoken with an intensity I have never heard in any person before and it shocked me. I moved in closer to get a better look.
Jack's response caught father completely off guard. "Well look at you," he chuckled back, "trying to be all grown up. What do you think you can do to me?"
"Get out now!"
Dad kept laughing and Jack swung. The connection caused father to take a step back before his face contoured into something sinister and he balled a fist. Dad cocked his arm back and flung it forward. He stopped mere inches from my brother's face. Jack didn't even flinch.
"Linda, we're leaving."
I scampered back to my room as my father left, stunned at Jack's audaciousness but proud he did something I couldn't do.
From that day on, Mom was a shell of herself. My brother took charge of everything. In the house, Jack cooked, he cleaned, and he did laundry. He was on top of the financials. Mom did not work and only received child support. Jack did everything he could to supplement the income. He babysat, mowed lawns, shoveled snow, and raked leaves, anything and everything for a buck. More importantly, he took care of us. Every day he insisted on checking my schoolwork even though he was often behind on his. Before bed, he would always take the time to talk to me about everything and nothing. We would laugh and joke around or if I had any problems, he would give me advice. It was really interesting watching him look up on the internet one particular tough question I had and then have him explain my first period. A few months later, I found out he would also stay up and wait for our Mother to come home from the tavern and make sure she made it to bed. He never bought anything for himself, but I seemed to get new clothes for school or if I desperately wanted something, it found its way into my room.
When he was sixteen, Jack was beginning to come into his body. All the manual labor really made him lean and muscular. He got a job making burgers at the nearby fast food joint. By now, our mom seemed to be coming home with a different man every night. Sometimes they would stay and have an awkward morning moment with my brother, but most often, they would leave. If Jack was home, he did his best to shield me from the sight of our inebriated mother and her friend walking in and then the sounds that came from her room a short while later. We would head to the basement and play games or watch television. While Jack was at work, I would just hide in my room and fall asleep after the noises stopped.
One particular night in which Jack worked, Mom brought home one truly odious man. I could tell she was more hammered than usual and when they walked passed me in the living room, his eyes seemed fixated on me. He reminded me of an ogre and gave me the creeps. As soon as they were in mother's bedroom, I went in mine, shut the door, and hopped into bed. For some reason, feigning sleep in the dark helped me keep my mind off what was going on in the other room. However, this time was unlike any previous occurrences. Usually the door shuts and I hear noises; Mom giggling like she was five followed by the mumbles of the man, then the sound of the bed squeaking and finally grunts from the man and a loud wail by my mother. This time, however, there was nothing, only silence. Suddenly, my bedroom door burst open.
"There you are!" I scooted back against the wall and I was as far as I could go as the beastly man took step after step closer to my bed.
I pulled my knees up and nightgown down to cover myself as much as possible. "I'm sure my mom is looking for you."
I began to shake as I felt his eyes gaze upon my body as a hawk would a mouse. "Yeah, she passed out on me." He then sat on my bed, "But you aren't a bad second option, Sweetheart. Tell me, have you been with a man yet?" His hand rested on my thigh.
"Leave me alone," I pulled my leg from his hand, but he followed. "Go away."
"Oh, Honey. Shush now. Let me make you feel good. I promise I'll be gentle." He leaned in and tried to kiss me but my face cringed and I turned my head. His hands went to my temples and forced me to face him.
"Please don't." I started to cry.
He moved my arms in the air and held onto both of my wrists with one hand. The other began to slowly move downward. I was petrified. His smile was devilish and his breath smelled of cigarettes and alcohol as his head moved forward. His hand was just above my shoulder and I was fearful of both their destinations.
Clank.
"Ow! Fuck!" The man arched his back and released me.
Clank. I opened my eyes as the brute was frantically trying to escape from my brother and his aluminum baseball bat.
"Get the fuck away from her!" Clank. Another strike from the bat and the man was now hobbling into the hallway.
"You little shit! The girl wanted it. Practically begged me for it," the man grabbed his side, where the last attack happened. "You'll be lucky if I don't sue your ass for assault!"
Jack lunged for him, the bat arching down. Seeing his threat wasn't stopping the teen, he dove out of the way. Clank. The bat just missed pummeling the man's head. The reverberation caused Jack to momentarily pause and gave that asshole a chance to get away. Jack left my sight to verify he was gone and then reappeared in my room. I was shaking uncontrollably.
Jack held me tight and repeatedly whispered, "It's going to be okay, Audrey. You're safe now." It may have been my imagination, but I swear he had a slight tremble to his body as well.
Suddenly, that despicable man was back in my room, attempting to grope me again. I was scared and I tried screaming, but it was too late. His mouth already was covering my own. I awoke in freight, my body glistening in a sheen of sweat. It was a nightmare. The man never came back. I took a couple deep breaths to settle myself and then grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower. As soon as I entered the hallway, I heard Jack from the kitchen, and he was not happy.
"What the fuck were you thinking last night mother?"
"I don't know what you're talking about and I'm not in the mood for another one of your lectures," mom's voice was barely audible and sounded irritated. "Do we have any aspirin?"
Did she say 'another lecture'?
"How could you bring home such a piece of shit?"
