Chapter 02: The Left Hand Path
[1]
I have no fockin' idea how I managed to get out of me mum's office that quickly. I suppose it was similar to when athletes recount being in the zone during a particularly impressive feat.
I just pulled my briefs and pants up, at once, buttoned up, grabbed my backpack, jacket and stormed out of there.
First I didn't know what to do. I stopped right around the corner, turned around, looked for something to cling on to I guess, but nothing presented itself. So I just started running again, not before properly buttoning up my trousers, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten all too far without them dropping down to my ankles again.
I fockin' love this city, but right there and then... I hated it... with all my heart. London... you shitty cunt!
It was only the second time I visited mum's office, and the first time was fockin' ages ago.
Truth of the matter was, I had no idea where I was but still I kept running. I was in good shape, even though it was early January and all that Christmas food was still lying heavy in my stomach. But almost like all the professional footballers in the English leagues, there was no leaning back for us youth players either, come Boxing Day we were back on the pitch.
After running for a while longer I was panting heavily. What the fuck? Am I in this bad a shape? To be honest, I kinda lost track of time so could be I ran for an hour or so. I highly doubted that though.
When I looked up I saw I was running down Exeter Street. Alright then, we were getting somewhere.
I turned a left corner, ran some more, finally came to a halt on the Strand.
I felt my heart pumping, no, it was racing. Honestly, I expected to drop down any second and just die from heart failure.
Under the current circumstances, that wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen.
Well, I managed to snap out of that depressive cloud right away, looked around and saw a hotel actually right in front of me, the Savoy.
'Looks fancy this!' I thought to myself.
I looked down at myself, as always dressed like a fockin' casual, I could as well be coming from a game, and the way I was panting, I could have easily be running from another crew so I wouldn't get the shit kicked out of me.
To be honest, I'm not much of a hooligan. I dress the Casual part, I like going to the games, looking for trouble, but most of it is pretend. Don't get me wrong, I've been involved in my fair share of fights, but nothing like you would see in movies like Green Street or The Football Factory.
You know, I never really aspired to be a professional footballer, and I don't think I'm actually going to get down this way, and I didn't have footballing idols like Gascoigne, Shearer, Lineker or other English greats.
Admittedly, back then, when I started to develop a healthy interest for football, I loved watching Shearer play and score one goal after the other for Newcastle United. Too bad I fockin' hate those Geordie fuckers, but Shearer was a god.
But when I turned 15 or so, I first came in touch with a book called Terrace Legends, and bam, it hit me, that's what I wanted to be. A fockin' hooligan legend like Cass Pennant. Well, until the first fight that was. I got beaten up pretty badly, but the real drama of course awaited me at home. Dad was home, he refused to talk to me that evening, so I knew he was superbly pissed, but my mum of course wasn't one to punish me with neglect. No, she was beyond mad and screamed like I never heard her scream before or after (well, that's not quite the truth).
I wasn't allowed to go to the stadium for a whole fockin' year. At my first game back there was another fight, in the stands actually, but I kept my head ducked and tried to stay away. And that's what I've been doing from there on out.
Since fighting isn't really my thing I got more interested in the Ultras movement that originated in Italy. 90 minutes of clapping, singing, chanting, choreographies, banners, that is exactly my kinda thing. There are a few groups developing in England, but basically Ultras are no existent here. So for now I settled to dress the Casual part but stay away from the fighting when I'm at the game.
There'll always be a West Ham While there's a river Thames Descending from the ironworks These proud and loyal men.
"Sir? Sir?"
The concierge or whatever this grey haired wanker is called snapped me out of my footballing thoughts as I was already standing in the hotel lobby.
"I think you're in the wrong place" he said, with all the obvious snobbery he could muster.
"Oi mate, I think you're in the wrong place!"
I wasn't using my indoor voice and I made myself look bigger. I was ready to go. This old geezer I could take out in a second.
'You fockin' bellend!' I thought as he already phoned hotel security.
Truth is, I didn't want any trouble, because I didn't want to search for another place to sleep this night.
"Alright mate" I said, "I didn't mean to raise my voice. I'm sure you're a fine lad and I want to apologize."
He still had the telephone receiver by his right ear looking at me with suspicious caution.
I held up my left index finger signaling him to wait for just a second as I grabbed my wallet from the back pocket of my jeans. I got my credit card out and placed it on the counter.
"I'd like to have a room please" I said in my best John-Cleese-aka-Basil-Fawlty-English.
The old geezer behind the counter put the phone back down still looking at me with utter snobbery. He took the credit card and did his thing obviously checking if I really had the means to stay in this fancy place, even just for a night.
"Very well sir" he said after a minute or so.
A couple minutes later I was taking off my shoes and jacket and lied down on a big fockin' bed.
I managed to avoid thinking about what had happened just an hour earlier in my mum's office, but I knew I had to deal with it sooner or later, above all with my mum of course, but for the time being with my own stupid self.
I took out the phone, snapped a picture of the room, sent it to mum via WhatsApp and captioned it: "I'm staying at a hotel. Don't worry."
I put the phone on the bed.
I looked out the window for a while, taking in the sight of London by night.
I grabbed my phone again, saw that my mum had received my message but had yet to read it.
"I'm sorry" I typed next and sent it.
The moment I did, I saw that mum read both my messages. My heart was racing. I looked away, phone still in my hand. I didn't dare to look at it.
My phone buzzed. I received a WhatsApp message.
I still didn't dare to look. I couldn't.
Well, obviously I had to move out of our house the next day, because if I couldn't look at a message from my mum, how am I supposed to look at her in person, actually talk to her?
Fuck this!
I brought up the phone in front of my face, eyes closed.
One... two... three.