Taking a sigh of relief I poured myself a glass of wine and went to watch tv and relax in the living room before going to bed after a long day. I went and laid on the couch and flicked the tv on and lit myself a cigarette. Not even a minute went by and I heard my sons bedroom door open, here we go again I thought to myself. I leaned up on the couch knowing he was coming to sit with me like he always does when everybody else goes to bed so we're alone. We have always been close, he would never admit it but he is the definition of a mommas boy. We were always very open with each other which I liked but looking back I think we were a little to comfortable with each other.
He came and sat next to me and I dragged on my cigarette blowing a slow cloud toward the ceiling. I recently found out that my son had a fetish but in his case it was a little different. I have always been a smoker and have smoked around him and in the house since he a child, I know it's not right to smoke around your children but I grew up around smokers so it sort of happened. I always sort of noticed he would come around whenever I lit a cigarette; and just made small talk watching me puffing away. I didn't think anything of it until the day I had to use his laptop. I wasn't snooping threw his things I just had to hop on it to pay a bill because my laptop crashed. He had left a file open titled "Marlboro mom" and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
He had dozens of videos and pictures of me over the years smoking around the house, I didn't know why at first until I kept scrolling and there was short fantasy stories about him and I doing things while I smoked.. I'm sure you can guess what I am talking about. I didn't bring it up to him for a while and acted as if everything was normal, how would I even bring something like that up to him anyway? The months after that I stopped smoking around him in the house and would duck away and sneak one but after a while I got back into my old habits smoking around the house and kind of just accepted the fact that my smoking turned him on. I did some research online trying to see what caused this and talked to a therapist about it and she told me in most cases it starts with a boy or girl being around their mother when they smoke. I asked my therapist for some advice on how to handle the situation and she told me there's really only two options, never say anything about it and live with it or to confront him and see if we can figure out a solution. I thought about it for a while and finally talked myself into talking to him about it.
The rest of the family was heading out of town for a tournament and we both had to stay back to work so I decided this was the best time to do it while we have the house to ourselves so it can stay between him and I. The morning everybody left we were sitting in the kitchen having a cup of coffee before work, I lit a cigarette and asked him what his plans for the weekend were. I don't even think he heard what I said as he stared at me exhaling and taking a long double drag.
"You there babe?" I said laughing
"Yeah yeah sorry I'm still half asleep, whatd you say?"
I rolled my eyes and took another drag, as I exhaled I said "what are you're plans for the weekend?"
Still watching me he responded "I didn't have much planned at all, planned on grabbing some beer after work and sitting my butt on the couch."
His answer didn't surprise me I knew he'd want to spend as much time possible with me while we had the house to ourselves so he could watch me smoke with nobody interruptions.
I took a double drag again and did a snap inhale which I haven't done since I was in high school and I know that took him by surprise because he instantly responded "woah I've never seen you do that with your smoke."
"You're something else you know that?" I responded as I took my final drag and dabbed my cigarette out.
"Well that doesn't sound bad to me, you don't mind if I join you do ya?"
I turned back and looked at him before he responded and said "I know you don't, so no need for an answer." And winked at him.
I finally got home from work and went up and showered to get ready for the night, I had no idea how this was going to end but it needed to be done. I hopped out of the shower and threw on a pair of my short silky pajama bottoms and a tight white vneck and put my hair down knowing he liked it that way. I sat on the couch trying to get a good buzz before he got home so I wouldn't chicken out, I lit a cigarette realizing I left my two packs in my desk at work and only had a couple left. I grabbed my phone and called him hoping to catch him before he got home.
"Hey hun you on your way home?"
"Yeah almost there why what's up?"
"Can you stop at the party store and grab me a couple pack of cigarettes, I just realized I'm low and don't have nearly enough for tonight."
I could hear the excitement in his voice.
"Yeah yeah of course, Marlboro lights right?"
I laughed and responded "Im not even answering that question, you know what I smoke."
"Just making sure ma"
"see you soon thanks babe."
I heard the door open and my heart sunk.. was I really going to do this? I thought.
